Carcassonne: Jesse Cox, Nika Harper and Kumail Nanjiani join Wil on TableTop

Carcassonne is a small fortified town in France, originally settled by the Romans in the year 100. Bce Carcassonne is also a classic european-style board game originally published in the year 2000. Seee isn’t learning fun along with games like Settlers of Catan and Alhambra. It’S a modern-day classic and easily traversed gateway into the world of tabletop gaming. Today, on tabletop Jesse Cox, Kumail Nanjiani, Nika Harper, and I will assume roles of the original builders in southern France, constructing cities and cloisters roads and farms as we create our own tabletop version of Carcassonne Carcassonne is the classic tile laying area control game designed by klaus And yurgin verde, along with Catan Ticket to Ride and Alhambra Carcassonne, completes the four pillars of classic European style board games it.

When the coveted spiel des Yara’s in 2001 and introduced the world to this beloved icon, the meeple, i love you’, meeple, oh, stop it. People you’re embarrassing me o people, I’m gon na, take you out for drinks later. Okay, thanks we’re all going to build the board with tiles together, but compete for points separately. The tiles have certain features on them like city walls, monasteries, roads and the surrounding farm lands. We are playing with the popular river expansion.

See we’ll see rivers as well. You’Re welcome Carcassonne is one of the rare multiplayer games. That is also excellent for two players right out of the box on your turn. You will draw a tile and add it to the board. Following a couple of rules like roads must connect to roads and cities must connect to other cities.

Then you may place one of your meatballs on the board to score points and a special roll Knights defend the cities until the walls are up, farmers will earn lots of points in the fields and monks live in monasteries, while the thieves live on the roads, Knights, Monks and thieves are finished with their jobs when their area is complete and the player will get their meeple back to place out on a subsequent turn. Each score different number of points and offer lots of strategy options. But when the last tile is drawn from the stack, the game ends we’ll go on to the final scoring where farmers are key and then we will see who has the most points so Teaneck long, y’all, it’s Carcassonne hi. I am Nika Harper. I host a riding vlog on a geek and sundry vlog network hi.

My name is Camille and Jionni. I am a comedian and actor hi. My name is Jesse Cox and I do gaming videos on the internet. I play games. I review games, i fun with games.

It’S time to play Carcassonne, we have done a randomizing first player ritual and i won so it’s it’s about time that I actually won a thing on my own show. So here we go. I play with the river expansion and what we’re gon na do is go through this pile of tiles to build along the river and then we’ll get into the rest of the city of Carcassonne. So my first tile is this guy here and it’s a city and I’m gon na go ahead and put a knight in that city and Nika. Would you like there you go all right?

Oh that’s the least interesting thing um. I suppose I will just build out that direction. Yeah sure, there’s nothing else. You can do really at the beginning, I’m going to I’m going to immediately farm. I think my strategy for Carcassonne is actually going to be kind of long-term investments, which is why I started off with the farmer right off the bat.

I think that the board is actually going to supplement me and get me a lot of points so long as we stay in that area. There’S really only one place. I can go so yeah, okay, you for reading my mind, I like the river expansion, because it sets a prescribed beginning for the game and it lets players who aren’t especially familiar with it, settle in and get used to the experience of laying tiles and putting out Meeples, I’m good at this game that I’ve never played before. Here we go. Oh, you got a coaster.

This is all I can do yeah it has a monastery monastery with a road I’ll put a nipple on it. Okay, you’re gon na monk you’re a monastery. Are you gon na Robert okay, good? I would say the strategy I’m going for with the monk is sort of a going with God kind of thing. I figured if I go with the religious guy, and if there is a God, then he’s gon na give me the tiles or she the towels.

I need to get the points there and my team name is ice cream sandwich: okay, cuz, no one’s against those right sure, you’re calling them ice cream. Sandwiches come on ice, no, so much ice cream sandwich as a team together people a different flavor yeah that one’s that one’s, that one’s a strawberry chocolate which is okay, not a very common flavor. But I like it, I should say my guys are in a suicide pact in case they lose so Wow, so they just want to win real bad wait. A minute is in a suicide pact. That means that it just wants someone to eat it.

I want to you ice cream sandwich to win because I don’t like it when people die, but if they die, does that mean we get to eat them the name? The name of my team is awesome. Robot, okay, yeah, well team awesome robot is awesome because well one they’re robots and two it’s right in their name awesome robots! Heavens, I’ve already got a name. Well, you can’t go till.

You have a team they’re already in a pyramid, so I was thinking the black cheerleaders except I just wasn’t a fan. I’M black, like my soul, team team, goth people, it will change intermittently. Are you going to play a meatball? Ah, I would actually like to try the road all right. I’M gon na there you go man, I’m just delicious team team, yoloswag money, millionaire, yeah gazillionaire, I’m so hip to the kids that team yolo swagg money is natural that I just it.

I mean you see that right here, Yolo, you uh, so you want to come. No, no, no! You got ta, be you got ta build on the river. If so, yeah. So do you want to build yeah, so you actually have to go.

That’S it. The only way you can do is build that what I will take over a town – okay, my god, that’s a good move, very excited. Look at that! There’S more more rivers happening alright, and that’s it that’s right! It is my turn.

It’S a little early to place. A farmer – but I think I might want to put a farmer down now think that’s good, let’s go there, so I don’t know if I wan na make this guy a farmer. We like background singers for this. Putting out a farmer early is a super high variance strategy. It’S going to either be 12 or 15 points at the end of the game or it’s gon na be nothing.

I have a bridge, congratulations yeah! I feel really good about that. I think I have. I bet that this is the digital get to you. Is that what happened to her?

If I caught you, I’m pretty sure this is gon na, be a leg ready, I’m gon na call it an BAM. I’M just gon na help you out by placing it there for you, okay, you can you know you can farmer if you like, or no all right canal, go ahead and draw from any of these stacks. I just separated these into equal stacks so that we could just draw from them. Did you put the ones on our side? I put the winning ones on my side, wow, we’re too boring, I’m gon na sort of yeah.

The call that that hope that that F’s me in the B and it is good for your monastery to put a guide there. And I can’t you can, if you want to, because I’m very likely going to have to end that road so that I can close up this city, so that’ll be good but yeah. So you can’t do that. Let’S see yeah. I think that this guy is gon na go here like that and this guy’s gon na go here and I’m going to score him right away because that’s a closed Road.

So come two points for team awesome. Robot, there’s always a risk in Carcassonne that you’re gon na get a meeple on the board and never get it back and as you reach the end game, you could end up with a golden scoring opportunity and no meeples so playing a quick to point robber. Three point: robbers: six point: robber lets: you always have a meatball in your pool, ready to go for later in the game. They’Re not happy about the suicide turn these back up because they can’t be on their side unless they’re farmers and farmers, farmers are lazy. Farmers have to lay down people say that I think that what it means is that the farmers are very busy putting their faces down in no ground yeah, so because they’re working very hard and they might be truffle farmers.

That’S all we have listen come on. This is not any bin to Carcassonne. I haven’t, please don’t get angry, I don’t. I don’t know there yep right on it. Are you pulling them off and you get two points for you there?

Congratulations, nope! Oh! No! It is for ya my bad mistake. Each square is worth two points.

Thank you. I’M glad you caught that so this I can’t really play anywhere, except here yep. You can play it and play it there. You can play it there or if you would rather not extend a road, you can connect the farm side of that tile to any other farm tile. So, like you’re trying to get this going, you can right yeah.

You can do that. That’S good nuts and that’s good for you, yeah and now I’m gon na draw this and I’m gon na play it here and I’m gon na put a robber on this road and that’s 123 four points for that. Guy there, which takes him up to six guys, is very early in the game. You’Ve been playing this for thousands of years. It’S for its.

It is true that I actually went back in time and actually invented farming. One day this game would exist. I have played hundreds of hours of Carcassonne, I had it right after it came out and then the instant it was available for iOS. I got it, I think, will has a better chance than most of us to actually win this game, because I think he’s much more familiar with it. However, I think that if I have my way then I’ll be doing pretty good, this one is kind of a tricky one, because all its gon na do is just make everything larger.

Why are you? Why are you unhappy about that? You just gave yourself another, so I’m never gon na finish it here we go. Can we do like that you’re going south from that little crossing this guy here? Yes, you got it alright, good!

So just this is this good for me to do myself? Well, it’s good for you because it extends your Road. It’S also good for me because it’s putting more points into my city, so, on balance, that move is better for me, but I still encourage you to do it cuz, it’s better for you right. I had a good idea: I could do this uh-huh and then put a guy there maybe have get in on his city yeah. Okay, that also works.

You want in on team yolo, swagg money, 4:20. Okay, look by the way 420 was an inside job, go ahead and play that there as a moment of teaching for the audience at home. I just played this guy down here, but I can’t do anything. I can’t play a farmer because nica’s got a farmer here in this farm. I can’t play a knight because there’s already a knight in this connected city – and I can’t play a robber because there’s already a robber on this road.

So all that I’m doing is helping myself with my city and my turn is done. Okay, I’ve got some things here. I don’t so excited just expanding your mall back to black cheerleaders, already yeah cheerleaders. So I just took the lead – and I I mean just might be the best feeling in the world Wow two four six points for me, we’ll just to bleed this might be the worst feeling I’ve ever had. Hey guess what well I like to three road points for you Nika, you go cheer cheer my way there yeah points.

That’S all I got I will put it. Is that the move? I don’t know people when they come into this game. They have strategies. My strategy is not to have a strategy; it throws people off, they don’t know, what’s happening, we’re judging you, no matter what this is on the internet, I’m already judged what a lame okay!

Let’S do you put it right over there by the river? Oh, I can’t believe you put it there we’re winning my god. You know what Yolo I hate your everything, but I’m right behind you robot catching up to Hellmuth. The kids Yolo want to make very something very clear: there’s a rivalry between team yoloswag and everyone. Can.

I go with do anything with all you can add to hers over there yeah that that that that’s actually helpful for her or if you play here like this. Oh that’s, evil put your guy there and now you’re in on the whole yeah yeah. I wanted to join her mall because it was getting pretty big and I heard a lot of buzz about it in the newspapers. La Weekly did a piece on it, so I was like oh I’ll just and then I opened a Panda Express there because I feel like every mall could use a Panda Express all right. I’M up!

Oh look at that. I think that this guy is gon na. Come down and he’s gon na go right, yeah, and I think that this nights gon na go here, because you know why your mall needs some things in it. No, the mall doesn’t need things in it. You guys are just capitalizing off my space, I’m a little older than Nika and while I love her Gotham, all the sort of foundation of goth is just not represented there at all.

So I am opening up a store that sells nothing but the Cure. Bauhaus Siouxsie and the Banshees Joy Division and Peter Murphy’s side-project Dolly’s car. Oh now you want a piece now you want a piece as soon as I’ve established myself. Thank you. Does that give you any what kind of mall are you if you don’t have a Panda Express, not a mall, not a mall doors?

I really hope she can finish up that mall and then I just sort of leach off of all of her work with my tiny Panda Express, listen when you’re the first to get to any kind of enterprise or the first to have a great idea. You’Re gon na get some hate for it. Can I get a different one? Nope you got ta, you got ta know you can’t you got to play it. You can put it there.

You can put it there yeah. That would help you. You would put it there. Yeah, I don’t want to help anybody with this that kind of healthy, yep Yeah right there. It’S all your points, and I just did nothing perfectly all right.

Oh, do you have a dude, you can bet it’d be okay. You can night. Why do I want to? I only have two dudes left. Alright, you are wasting dudes, no he’s playing long-term.

I see it, I see it, he shot, there’s nothing happening. I have zero point, they say it’s not a bad thing, but I can’t see how having zero points is not a bad thing so by the kimono points has a lot of no points. He says so few points. He has a lot of no points. I’Ve never played Carcassonne.

I know I’d need points come on. You have so many points on the board you’re, so ready to just like kick ass with the entirety of the game, but instead you’re just whining and talking about suicide pacts. Dude dude put it together. You didn’t believe hard enough. I did it actually wasn’t the fugitoid’s.

What changed I’ll get some points for the first server. Will I light up yeah there you go yep you’re, doing yeah, that’s right this one of this one! Oh this! No, if you put it well, if you put it there, you get a meatball back yeah you get a gun. Remember how stressed you worried about not having meeples it’s a real thing?

Okay, so it’s the Kamel! Finally scored! That’S expected! I totally get points. It’S this game goes on too long for you to stay at zero.

I’M just here to support everybody! Oh you’re, that I’m here for you now all right, Jesse cheerleaders! You have to cheer team Yolo swag! Why did you draw that tile? Oh my god.

Come on! You’Re gon na, I could have put it right there right, but I’m not gon na you’re gon na put it in your long in my home anymore start your own Empire over there. Yes, yeah finishing that I’m creating this rival mall because we’re gon na be the upscale boutique store and only sell to people with actual money. If there was an entire yoloswag mall, I I imagine it would be very popular, but I don’t think anyone I know would go there. Can I say something: well, I’m on your side now: oh I’m on your team haha.

So now I’ll win. If you want swag, so I’m gon na say I’m also allied with you, because we’re all in this mini mall together and we all know swag us to beat all three of you down. That’S what we do so we’re just we just don’t we just don’t. I can, I feel, like people hate yellow because they don’t understand it and Marty. Mcfly yellow is the color of sunshine and flowers and pee.

Actually I don’t know where I want to put it I’m very perplexed about this. It’S actually pretty easy. You can go, they don’t have a few option in there. You could go there, you can go. Did you go there?

You are royally screwing, this whole situation, but you know that’s, never gon na finish, because you know this can’t finish right. Cuz you moved in no, but seriously it really wants Panda Express it’s great, that guy does he’s on there. I don’t, but you can never finish your own monastery now right, I’m cool she’s, so vindictive, there’s what then the Gothic cheerleader manifesto that if you’re not gon na win, then spread the hatred everywhere and nobody else can it looks like the super goth mall. They all got together the builders and they realized. The saddest thing in the world would be to not finish the small.

You know what weirdly my Panda Express in that abandonment still doing pretty well. You know why, when I go to a Panda Express, I don’t look for finished walls. I look for orange chicken and other stuff, that’s bad for me, but tastes great! All right! You got it so in building this city, and at this point there is only one tile in the entire stack that can complete that city.

I really need this tile. Oh I could that’s yeah. That’S thing you can do. Okay, you know we’re gon na. So what we’re gon na do now is just like in poker, we’re gon na break tables and we’re gon na just combine everything here: go for it!

Okay, it does not mean okay, and I get four points. We’Ll just got the tile. Of course he did so. On the one hand, I feel really bad for Camille that I just drew his tile, but on the other hand, I’m usually the guy who wants that tile and watches someone else draw it so right now, I’m I’m having a Kumail tear cocktail and it tastes pretty Good, how could how could you I don’t deserve the only one I really could build out? I think great.

Maybe that wasn’t the best place to play that I mean then maybe that would have been more points if I’d been yep. I made a mistake. I should have put it here because that’s nine points and I went here and it’s only four points, and that is a huge, huge, huge, huge mistake. Apparently he misused the only thing I needed thanks. One of those like I lost focus for that long.

It’S that and that may because you guys may pass me in farms for and that maybe if I lose this game by five points, I’m going to rage quit tabletop, I don’t mean the table. I mean tabletop, I’m gon na turn this entire building upside down. I will turn the internet upside down. I’M gon na set YouTube on fire almost over you guys. I would love to do that, complete that get that back yay and pretend that there’s a meatball there, I’m a people.

Thank you. It’S that I get anything for me. No, it makes your dude go longer. Did it finish anything for me? Oh did my dude go long?

Yes, yes, you’re at yours, this guy’s done yeah. Okay, you get one two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight nine points, plus you get a people off the board and I get ya porch great porch, great yay point secret they’ve been hanging out that robot too much. I actually really like robot. Isn’T it his turn? What no you just went, oh she’s use.

That’S yours, sorry well wants to win so badly. I don’t! I don’t think you even know watching at home how badly he wants to win. It’S crazy he’s really upset play it there. No yeah!

Please! You know what this is fate. This is the power of a butterfly ten points. This is the one time reverse like eight points, so nine plus eight is seventeen, so that takes down over 230. So you guys, I can’t go anymore, I’m done that was my last.

My final move is create a butterfly. I’Ve never been so happy. Well, I want you to win. How can I help you with this can’t? Do you have a people yeah?

Okay, so put it, you want to put it like yeah, you put it there and then put a meepo on it and you’re gon na get a point for it. When we do because there’s a banner on it. No, you don’t! Oh yeah right right. It’S a road, that’s not bad, it could have been.

The other thing is that I’m? Actually you guys I’m like what is under that smile? Okay, all right great. What is it? Okay, it didn’t make a difference.

Didn’T matter alright, so that’s, okay. I feel like Rudy right now: okay, okay, all right now, let’s see what happening so, apparently now it’s time to count the points I’m still in last place, but no I’m starting to feel kind of good. I see a lot of my meatballs are out there by the way. This is the only game I’ve ever played. Where you don’t know, who’s won until like ten minutes after the game is done like all right, the game’s over get out your calculator.

This is the first thing that we score at the end of the game: are the roads every night on a road that is not completed? We’Ll get one point for each tile that has not been completed? Okay, so one two three points for this guy there. Four: five: six, seven eight, so that goes from 28 to 36. Okay, now is anybody else’s on roads, okay, you’re on roads, you’re gon na get one two: three: okay and four right there.

Okay! So, let’s move you for from 24 to 28. There are no more roads. Oh no! I’M sorry!

I’M sorry you’re on a road here for three one, two: three! So let’s do you one? Two? Three? Oh my god!

Okay, now, let’s total up cities. Okay, you get one point for every tile in an uncompleted City, plus one point for every shield or banner. That is in that sorry cameo, let’s start with you, that’s two. This is two points. This is one two, three, four five six points.

Okay. This is one two three four five points: okay, and this is one more so that means you now, let’s now, let’s score, my cities know is made one two three four five and that’s the only nights that I have here. Let’S do doors now, one two: three: four: five: okay, six, seven, eight, nine ten eleven right! So let’s move you from twenty eight to thirty nine. Now we do the up!

Sorry there. You should here choose one two, three, four five, I’m unconsciously forgetting about you, because I really don’t want to lose through to you by like a point. So that’s that’s all the cities. Now we score monasteries or cloisters depending on you know who says it and you get one point for the square and one point for each square around it. So from a oh you’re, gon na get eight right here for this guy, and you have your.

If you have another one here, you get another eight from there. Now you have one two, three, four, five, six, six! Sorry! So that’s six! So this moves you from 39 to 44.

Nobody would watch basketball if it was hockey. Okay. So now before we total up farms I want to, I want to showcase something that is amazing. That is why european-style board games are the best games in the world. You thought you were completely out of this game.

We got to the last phase of the game. Can I say I was sure right, let’s complete now here we are, we are nearly at the end of the game. We’Re gon na do the very last round of scoring first place and last place are separated by four points. Now this is the most intense part of Carcassonne. For me, we are all bunched up, usually happens and now we’re gon na see whose long-term strategy paid off it’s time to count.

Farms I’m in last place so we’re gon na do my farms first, okay, so my farms here, so I’ve got three six nine in this field; okay, so that takes me from 41 to 50. Okay, this field is you’re gon na weigh with six nine twelve back around 1550. Okay, remember that people that I was so worried about it ended up getting me fifteen points, the long-term strategy really paid off, so that takes me to 65, which i think is the max points that I have okay. So now, let’s do you don’t have any farms? Let’S, let’s hope now that I’ve lost this is the end of Yolo cuz.

I never want to say that word again, you have farms. You’Ve got three here for this guy and then this guy doesn’t score well. Farming was an essential part of my strategy. Here I’m going long-term and instead I’m just doing nothing and then Kumail. This is a great feel for you.

You get three six nine points which takes you up to 52 and hold by one. This is a good story. This is not about you. This is a game I came in second, and I didn’t know what I was doing. No, I told you the entire time that you played and I was like I’m super afraid of him.

I think he’s gon na win it and it turns out that the box was filled with bees, hello and welcome to on the losers couch. I’M your host will wheaton temporarily. I would like to welcome today’s guest. Please Nika come on in and have a seat here on the losers, couch Nika. I understand that you recently cured polio.

That’S how I do amazing good work. Kumail Nanjiani! Please come in hello, it’s so nice to see you! How are you now it’s my understanding that you recently built an entire skyscraper out of butter yep. It was a lot of cocaine.

That’S okay, um interesting choice; yes, right, okay and Jesse, hello. How are you I understand that you recently ate an entire skyscraper made out of butter for your program? Oh there’s a lot of cocaine. I would like to congratulate you on your achievements off the show, and I will now go downstairs. Congratulate me on my achievements on the show I have to say I don’t feel like a loser.

You know who should feel like a loser through me. I would think so. Jesse he’s in last place it’s it’s kind of one of his default feelings. Wil Wheaton. First of all, I have to say it is incredibly exciting for me to have you on my show, I’m a huge fan of your podcast radio, free burrito at radio free, burrito dot-com.

I do have to say. I think that you could have been a little bit more gracious in victory, you’re kind of a dick on the losers couch, I’m disappointed in you, but you get a certificate on tabletop. That’S the way we do it. So I’m going to present you now, mr

Wheaton with your own tabletop certificate of Awesome, just let me sign this to you like that, and now I will give you a seal so that you know that this entire thing is official, and I wonder if you’d like to make a speech. Yes, I would like to make a speech and turns out that all those hundreds of hours I played on the toilet, I’m very proud of you.

You know that you sound like a talking meatball. I love you too. Let’S go have a dream day. Okay, we’ll see you next time on tabletop until next week play board games.