Gloom: Amber Benson, Michele Boyd, and Meghan Camarena (Strawburry17) join Wil on TableTop
Ask anyone what they want out of life, and most people will tell you, hey, I just want to be happy. And we may all differ on exactly how to get there, but as a general rule, good things are better than bad things. Today on TableTop Michele Boyd, Meghan Camarena, and Amber Benson are here to spend time in a slightly different world where the more miserable you are, the better things are actually going for you. And the very worst thing you can do for a friend is bring them job. I hope you have a morbid sense of humor, because we are about to play an award-winning card game called Gloom.
Gloom is a darkly comic American-style card game. Each player controls the fate of an eccentric band of misanthropes, like Hemlock Hall or Dark’s Den of Deformity. The goal of the game is to make your family as miserable as possible while making your rivals’ families as happy as you can. You do this by playing three different types of cards on a turn. The most common kind of cards is a modifier card.
These have negative points to play on your own family– this is good for you– or positive modifier points that you will play on a rival’s family. This is bad for them. You can also play these event cards that let you do special things like cancel actions. And then finally you can play untimely death cards on any character who has a negative self-worth. That character is taken out of the game and scores points for the player who controls it.
The scoring is sort of like golf. The player who is the most unhappy and has the lowest score is the winner. When an entire family had shuffled off this mortal coil, we will total up the points on the dearly departed, and the family with the lowest self-worth wins. So that’s how we play Gloom. But what makes Gloom awesome is the stories we will weave to justify everything that happens on a modifier card.
And we have got some great storytellers here today. Which family will be the most miserable? Which family will dance a dance of delight underneath the Maypole? Well, we are about to find out, because it is time to play Gloom.
AMBER BENSON: My name is Amber Benson.
And I am an actor and a writer and a director and an occultist on the side. MEGHAN CAMARENA: My name is Meghan Camarena, also known as Strawburry17 on YouTube. And I make really fun, creative music videos. MICHELE BOYD: My name is Michele Boyd. I’m an actress.
I’m mostly known for web work. I was Riley in The Guild.
And ever since I’ve been doing stuff on my own with Team Unicorn. WIL WHEATON: Amber, you will go first. AMBER BENSON: All right, Gloom.
I have the Blackwater clan. There’s The Old Dam, the murderous matriarch. You got Angel, the starry-eyed serial killer. WIL WHEATON: Right. AMBER BENSON: And then you’ve Balthazar, the unfaithful hound, and Cousin Mordecai, the redheaded stepchild.
All right. Well, I was feeling kind of sorry for Cousin Mordecai, because he actually is from Massachusetts, Cousin Mordecai. And in Massachusetts you can be married if you’re a same-sex couple, right? WIL WHEATON: Right, right. AMBER BENSON: So he went through this beautiful ceremony where he married his partner.
And right as they were saying the final I do’s, he was widowed at the wedding. WIL WHEATON: Oh, no. That’s so sad. AMBER BENSON: That’s so terrible. Poor Cousin Mordecai.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, that sucks. Poor Cousin Mordecai. And you have a second death? AMBER BENSON: I do. So poor Angel, who is a starry-eyed serial killer.
She was always looking for somebody. She was very, very resentful of Cousin Mordecai and his widowedness.
So she was always looking, and she just never found Mr. Right. So she grew old without grace.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Uh, that’s terrible. WIL WHEATON: Oh, no. AMBER BENSON: Yeah, it’s really piteous. I’m new to this whole thing, but I’m very much enjoying it. WIL WHEATON: All right.
Well, here you go. Here’s two cards for you. AMBER BENSON: Thank you very much.
WIL WHEATON: To draw back on your hand limit. And Meghan, you’re up.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: OK. Well, my family is the Smythes. We have the butler, Mr. Butterfield. We also have Lord Wellington-Smythe.
He’s the duke. We have the wild child, Lola, and the Twins. So like I said, we have the Twins who go to this really interesting school. This school is a special school, and only midgets go there. And every single day, they go there and they’re mocked by midgets.
[SOUNDS OF CHILDREN MOCKING] And they’re not midgets. WIL WHEATON: Oh, how sad for them. MEGHAN CAMARENA: I don’t really know anyone at the table. I feel it’s kind of an interesting experience. I’m a little freaked out.
I’m not going to lie. MICHELE BOYD: I have the Slogars, led by the matriarch Professor Helena Slogar, Melissa Slogar, Lord Slogar, and Grogar, the lovable teddy bear scamp. I did hear about your twins and their misfortune at school and being made fun of by midgets. MEGHAN CAMARENA: Ah, yes. MICHELE BOYD: Did you know that they really had their own way of getting through school?
They decided to become very clever at cards and make a little bit of money that way. MEGHAN CAMARENA: Wow. MICHELE BOYD: It helped them get through their day with that extra pocket change. Now, however, my family. I’m so sorry, especially the little girl, Melissa.
Her father decided to write her out of the will.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, no. MICHELE BOYD: I know. I don’t know how she’s going to come back from this. Wait, I’m supposed to have a strategy?
Crap. My strategy so far is just to try to figure out how best to kill off my own characters as quickly as possible before someone has a chance to give them a better day. WIL WHEATON: Well, I am the traveling circus family, led by being sinister ringmaster, Darius Dark. We have, of course, Thumbelisa, the diminutive diva, Samson O’Toole, the bearded man, and Elissandre De Ville, the Illustrated lady. We’re not a very good circus.
I’m not going to lie to you. The key to winning Gloom is to get negative self-worth on your guys and kill them right away.
The saddest, saddest person that we have in our family is, of course, Samson O’Toole. He’s a bearded man. And Sampson knows that bearded men just aren’t as big of a deal as bearded ladies.
So after a particularly bad performance where a child shouted it out, that’s just a man with a beard– AMBER BENSON: Ohh. WIL WHEATON: –he went to the bar and was ruined by rum. The circus is struggling financially, because they have a bearded man and a tattooed lady. Its should be the other way around. The circus isn’t doing well, because they’re stupid.
I remember hearing a story all about her when she was written out of the will. She took herself to the same bar where Samson was sitting. Samson took pity on her, because she told him this sob story about how she had been written out of the will. So Samson, seeing how the rum was numbing all of his everything, thought that he would help her out. So she was diverted by drink.
MICHELE BOYD: Oh. AMBER BENSON: Ohh. WIL WHEATON: And I will draw two cards, and that’s the end of my turn. AMBER BENSON: There’s Balthazar. Just lots of bad things happen to him.
He was out on the moors one day, were he likes to go.
WIL WHEATON: The moors of Massachusetts? AMBER BENSON: Yes, the moors of Massachusetts. WIL WHEATON: Yes, of course. I’ve been there.
They’re beautiful. AMBER BENSON: My Cousin Morticai, you know. WIL WHEATON: Absolutely. AMBER BENSON: He’s somewhere else. WIL WHEATON: I love that Amber has invented the moors of Massachusetts.
That’s clearly where all the families live. It’s where the circus is going. AMBER BENSON: So he’s out on the moors, and he was minding his own business. And he was chased by children. WIL WHEATON: Ohh.
No. Did they tie cans to his tail to scare him? AMBER BENSON: They were really mean to him. They cut his tail off, actually. WIL WHEATON: Wow.
MICHELE BOYD: Oh my gosh. WIL WHEATON: Children are dicks.
AMBER BENSON: They are devious and mean. I think Wil knows it a little bit better than the rest of us. And he’s very, very smart and wise.
But I wouldn’t discount Meghan or Michele. They look really cute and adorable, and they’re not. They’re evil on the inside. MEGHAN CAMARENA: So the Twins, they decided, you know what? We’re going to go see the circus.
Because you may not believe it, but they’re a fan of bearded men. WIL WHEATON: What? MEGHAN CAMARENA: Yeah, they really like you, too. WIL WHEATON: Wow. MEGHAN CAMARENA: So they take the train, and they’re headed to the circus to see the bearded man.
And they were trapped on the train. WIL WHEATON: Oh, no. MEGHAN CAMARENA: Yeah, really. Heard about her getting cut out of the will. And that’s very, very unfortunate.
But I also heard– MICHELE BOYD: It’s not as unfortunate as the dog getting his tail cut off. Let’s be honest. You know, I feel, as bad days go– MEGHAN CAMARENA: But this is what I heard through the grapevine that after she got done drinking, she realized, you know what? I don’t really want to be in that will anyway, because all he’s leaving me is cheese, and she is lactose intolerant.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, no.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Yeah. And so she went to bed and she was like I’m going to sleep without sorrows. I feel way better about my life. MICHELE BOYD: Meghan and I got off to a rough start. MEGHAN CAMARENA: We just kind of had this like secret competition going back and forth.
MICHELE BOYD: We actually met earlier today for the very first time at a mutual friend’s birthday party. MEGHAN CAMARENA: I was eating lunch next Michele. And I didn’t even know she was the person I was going to be playing against tonight. MICHELE BOYD: I brought out the game. MEGHAN CAMARENA: And she’s like have you guys ever played this?
MICHELE BOYD: And she’s like, are you shooting with Wil later? MEGHAN CAMARENA: And instantly I knew this is going to be my competition, to knock her out right away. WIL WHEATON: So you’re up to– OK, good.
Guys, I have some sad news. Samson O’Toole was in the bar.
And he felt worse and worse and worse about himself, especially when he found out that the two young twins who had been coming to the circus to see just him were trapped on the train. He was so just distraught by this that he drank too much rye and died. AMBER BENSON: No. WIL WHEATON: It’s true. That the bearded man was just so upset that the Twins were held up by the train, instead of waiting a day for them to show up, he got the 11-year-old drunk so she’d feel good about herself and then drank himself to death.
Role models. AMBER BENSON: Well– WIL WHEATON: I think things seem to be going very badly for your family. AMBER BENSON: Yeah, yeah. In fact, The Old Dam, it’s been really tough for her, being ostracized by the church. She went a little crazy, actually.
And she started collecting schoolchildren and doing naughty things to them. WIL WHEATON: Wow. AMBER BENSON: Like leaving them in the basement for hours on end– MEGHAN CAMARENA: Interesting reponse.
AMBER BENSON: –and not giving them food. WIL WHEATON: Yeah.
It’s a bit of an extreme response, I think. AMBER BENSON: Yeah. And then she tried to sell them to the circus, but of course– WIL WHEATON: Well, the circus is having some financial difficulty right now. Thanks so much for bringing that up. AMBER BENSON: Yeah, so she started a fire and she burned them all to the ground in the house.
WIL WHEATON: Wow. AMBER BENSON: And so for this, all of the parents came together and were very irate and upset about their dead children. So they burned her. WIL WHEATON: Wow. AMBER BENSON: She was burned by a mob for murdering all those really nice children in her basement.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: I’ve never heard something so morbid in my whole entire life.
And I think a little piece of me died inside. WIL WHEATON: I did not expect Amber to go to such an incredibly dark place. And I’m actually kind of glad to be sitting around the corner of the table from her. MEGHAN CAMARENA: I’m going to have a cry after this.
Sad thing about the Twins being trapped on the train. It’s not going anywhere. And it just got way worse. Because someone tried to go out through the emergency exit up at the top of the train. WIL WHEATON: Yeah.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: And they were in the forest. And by lifting up the hatch, it let in a wasps nest.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, no. MEGHAN CAMARENA: So they were wounded by a bunch of wasps. AMBER BENSON: Wow.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, no. MEGHAN CAMARENA: It was a messy– MICHELE BOYD: On their way to the wondrous circus. MEGHAN CAMARENA: Yeah, their day just keeps getting worse. WIL WHEATON: Yeah. And I have to tell you, it’s not a very good circus.
They’re going to be very disappointed when they finally get there. MEGHAN CAMARENA: Well, their hero’s dead MICHELE BOYD: Their hero’s already dead. MEGHAN CAMARENA: I think playing Gloom is a very interesting way to get to know all the people that you’re playing with, whether or not you want to continue dating the person or move in with them or if they need therapy. Yeah, for sure, definitely. Amber.
AMBER BENSON: [SINISTER LAUGH] MICHELE BOYD: Your family, we felt really bad for them, especially after the untimely death of the bearded man. WIL WHEATON: That’s very kind. Listen, we Darks, we like to keep to ourselves. MICHELE BOYD: Which we do appreciate. But at the same time, we felt like you really needed to be a little bit more involved in the community and kind of play really play a popular part in parliament.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, no. We’re popular in parliament. Well, look at that. Somebody clearly took some pity on Darius Dark– MICHELE BOYD: Exactly. WIL WHEATON: –because his creditor problem has gone away.
MICHELE BOYD: Exactly. WIL WHEATON: Darius Dark was feeling good about himself. His creditor problems had been solved. AMBER BENSON: How wonderful. WIL WHEATON: He was popular in parliament.
He was whistling a jaunty tune of happy joyful celebration. And he walked right into a teeming mass of porcupines that had escaped from the nearby porcupine racetrack. Yes. And he was pierced by porcupines. And Amber, it is your turn.
AMBER BENSON: Oh, thank you. The Twins, when they got on that train and bad things happened to them and wasps stung them and stuff, they ended up in the hospital before they could get to the circus. And I got to tell you, the people in town kind of fell in love with them. WIL WHEATON: They’re delightful children.
AMBER BENSON: They’re delightful children.
WIL WHEATON: Yes. AMBER BENSON: And they kind of became the toast of the town. MICHELE BOYD: How wonderful for them. [APPLAUSE AND CHEERING] MEGHAN CAMARENA: Oh, that’s great. AMBER BENSON: I think it was a shame that the Grand Dam didn’t burn the Twins along with her in the basement.
We could have gotten rid of both of them right at the same time. MEGHAN CAMARENA: So hearing that the Twins were in the hospital, the sister, Lola, is like you know what? I gotta get my act together. And she gets up off the floor, and she’s like I’m going to go and I’m going to see them. And she’s kind of in a daze, because she’s still a little bit drugged up.
And she’s allergic to grass too, so she’s all hive-y.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, no. MEGHAN CAMARENA: Yeah. And she walks right into the road and gets hit by a car. WIL WHEATON: Oh, no.
How sad for her. MEGHAN CAMARENA: I know. WIL WHEATON: People drive like maniacs on the moors of Massachusetts. AMBER BENSON: They do. They do.
WIL WHEATON: They’re just– AMBER BENSON: Mass-holes. WIL WHEATON: It’s not safe. The Mass-holes are worst. MICHELE BOYD: The Mass-holes of the moors. WIL WHEATON: Yep.
AMBER BENSON: The moors of Massachusetts. MEGHAN CAMARENA: Oh, goodness. The Twins, they get out of the hospital. They’re doing a lot better now. And everyone loves them, so they have this like ego thing going on where they’re signing babies’ foreheads and they’re just walking down the street.
People are throwing coins at them and stuff like that. The one thing that they didn’t know with all this new attention, that the beggars hated time.
Because the coins that they’re getting thrown at, usually the beggars get those coins. So they were beaten by beggars. WIL WHEATON: Oh, no.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: And they got what was coming to them. MICHELE BOYD: And yet it seems they’re have a perfectly neutral day. MEGHAN CAMARENA: Yeah. MICHELE BOYD: My own Professor Helena is always very concerned for her own daughter. And the news of these twins gaining the town’s favor, even with being stung by the wasps, as bad as that was, really just sort of drove her to despair.
And she died. AMBER BENSON: Ohh. WIL WHEATON: Oh, no. MICHELE BOYD: I know. She never thought that her own daughter would aspire to such heights in the community as the Twins.
One down, still three to go. Awesome. Little Melissa is left motherless now with only a brain for a father. WIL WHEATON: Yeah.
MICHELE BOYD: But she’s doing OK.
WIL WHEATON: Yeah, she’s got that teddy bear. MICHELE BOYD: You know, she was doing OK. You’d think that about her. WIL WHEATON: Oh, no. MICHELE BOYD: You’d think she was doing OK.
In fact, she was feeling so OK that she thought she would go to the circus. WIL WHEATON: Everyone loves the circus. MICHELE BOYD: Everyone loves the circus. WIL WHEATON: Yes. MICHELE BOYD: And she thought it would cheer her up even more and continue on her streak.
However, even though your circus was lacking in a bearded lady and now lacking in a bearded man– WIL WHEATON: Yeah. MICHELE BOYD: –it had tons and tons of mice running around. WIL WHEATON: Oh, no. MICHELE BOYD: And my little girl was menaced by mice. WIL WHEATON: Darius Dark was warned by the Massachusetts moors mouser that he should not put mice in his menagerie.
And as it turns out, he is not a good listener.
MICHELE BOYD: No. WIL WHEATON: He’s not a good listener at all. AMBER BENSON: You are a maestro of alliteration over there. WIL WHEATON: Oh, thank you very much.
AMBER BENSON: There was a lot of alliteration in this game. And I have to say Wil kind of kicked my butt on the alliteration. He’s very good at that. WIL WHEATON: Cousin Mortecai actually got some weird boil infestation that went directly into his heart– AMBER BENSON: No. WIL WHEATON: –his broken heart that was broken when he was widowed at the wedding.
And all that disgusting fetted boil juice filled up his heart, and it repaired his broken heart as it killed him. AMBER BENSON: No. Oh. WIL WHEATON: And he died without cares. AMBER BENSON: Woah.
Wow. Wait, I got to process this for a moment.
All right. WIL WHEATON: Meanwhile, back at the circus grounds there are now mice running all over the tent. MICHELE BOYD: Amok, you might say.
WIL WHEATON: They are running amok and menacing mice. And Darius Dark went to a mouse maven and said, Marianne Mouse Maven, how can I move these mice from my circus? And she said, snakes. Snakes eat mice. So Darius went to the snakesmith, and he purchased 77 snakes.
And he put those 77 snakes into the circus tent. And what he unfortunately did not know was that Thumbelisa, she’s such a wee thing, was actually riding on mouseback around the main ring of the circus. And when the snakes came up, she was startled by snakes– AMBER BENSON: Woah. WIL WHEATON: –and was put into a terrible fright. AMBER BENSON: Yeah.
WIL WHEATON: She is not having a good day. AMBER BENSON: Poor, poor Angel. She was into cheese. And a bunch of the mice caught wind of the cheese, and they started chasing her. WIL WHEATON: Oh no.
AMBER BENSON: And she was running up and down the Massachusetts moors being chased by mice.
WIL WHEATON: Yes. AMBER BENSON: And she was torn limb from limb for her cheese. And she died. And that’s the end of Angel.
Three down, only one hound left. MEGHAN CAMARENA: Amber only has one of her family members alive. It’s the stupid dog that just never dies. And I’m really afraid of Amber’s gameplay, because she seems very just reckless. AMBER BENSON: Poor Angel.
WIL WHEATON: That’s terrible. AMBER BENSON: Poor Angel. But Darius Dark, he just keeps having these money windfalls. And the Blackwater clan, there’s a lot of death going on here. And they wanted to leave some of their legacy to Darius for all the years of fun and childish whimsy they’ve had at the circus, even without a bearded lady.
WIL WHEATON: They don’t need to do that. As I’ve said before– AMBER BENSON: Yeah, they’re going to do this. WIL WHEATON: Ohh. AMBER BENSON: Yeah. They’re done.
They did that. It’s done. WIL WHEATON: He landed a legacy.
What’s happening over there in your land? MEGHAN CAMARENA: Well, the Twins, they’re on their way home after just leaving the hospital.
So as they’re trekking along, they start getting really thirsty. And they see this stream where the snow had melted a little bit. And they take some of the water to refresh themselves and get going. But unfortunately, the mice had infested that area, peed a whole bunch in that little– WIL WHEATON: Oh. MICHELE BOYD: How very rude of the rats.
WIL WHEATON: That’s what mice do.
MICHELE BOYD: I mean mice. MEGHAN CAMARENA: Mice, mice. Yeah. I think they’ve evolved now into rats is what ends up happening.
WIL WHEATON: Wow. MEGHAN CAMARENA: It’s their evolution. AMBER BENSON: Evolution. Mice to rats. MEGHAN CAMARENA: So the Twins, they were distressed by– WIL WHEATON: I’m sorry.
Did the mice mutate on the moors of Massachusetts? MEGHAN CAMARENA: I think it’s more like an evolution. MICHELE BOYD: More than likely. WIL WHEATON: OK. All right.
My bad. MICHELE BOYD: Wil is a really fun player. He kind of takes that whole alliteration part of the game and just runs with it. MEGHAN CAMARENA: So the Twins were distressed by dysentery.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, no.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: The Twins were a little bit easier to build the story off of. And I didn’t have great cards to bring the other two family members into the storyline. But I decided just to focus on the children. MICHELE BOYD: Really everything has just happened to the females of this family so far. I don’t know why I’m so fixated on the females.
However– WIL WHEATON: Yes, fancy that. Fancy your female fixation. MICHELE BOYD: I know. WIL WHEATON: I’m fond of your female fixation. MICHELE BOYD: I can’t think of anything else.
Would you like to continue? WIL WHEATON: I’m finished. MICHELE BOYD: Grogar, when he heard about his fianced bride being menaced by the mice that had since mutated into rats, I mean, my god, he had to wander into the bar and was driven to drink. WIL WHEATON: Oh.
MICHELE BOYD: He’s an alcoholic bear now.
It’s terrible. AMBER BENSON: Michele is a good player, but I think she’s gotten in a little over her head. With practice, she will get to be a better player. She’s going to hit me later. Ahh.
WIL WHEATON: Do you all remember when Thumbelisa was startled by snakes? AMBER BENSON: I do. WIL WHEATON: And the snakes had been sent into the tent to deal with the marauding mice? Well, in order to get rid of all of the snakes, it was determined that the snake’s natural predator should be released also into the tent. And everyone knows that bears hate snakes.
MICHELE BOYD: I’ve often heard that. WIL WHEATON: The bears were released into the tent. They ran around. And it turns out that it’s actually not bears and snakes, but it’s bears and thumb-sized ballerinas. AMBER BENSON: No!
WIL WHEATON: And she was eaten by bears. AMBER BENSON: Poor Thumbelisa. WIL WHEATON: Bye, Thumbelisa. MEGHAN CAMARENA: Oh, Thumbelisa. We knew you well.
WIL WHEATON: It’s so sad for you.
AMBER BENSON: So after all the awful things that happened to Elissandre, she was feeling kind of sorry for herself and sort of blue. And so then she ended up going over to the lake and hanging out there. And there was a beautiful Gondola, and she got in it. And there was a gondolier from Venice who was on a work study program.
And she fell in love. She found love on the lake with a gondolier from Venice who was quite a bit younger than her, I do have to say. WIL WHEATON: Really? AMBER BENSON: Well, he was on work study, so I get it. MICHELE BOYD: Well done, Elissandre.
WIL WHEATON: Wow. Way to go. MICHELE BOYD: Wow. Really well done. MEGHAN CAMARENA: Way to go.
WIL WHEATON: Boy. AMBER BENSON: I really liked that story. And I particularly liked the look of horror on Wil’s face when I played the card.
MICHELE BOYD: The Twins, they weren’t going to get better. And their time was up.
So the rats ate away at them, and they died. This is where it gets crazy. The rats mutated. AMBER BENSON: Again? Into mice?
Backwards? MEGHAN CAMARENA: No, into weasels. Weird. WIL WHEATON: Oh, wow. MEGHAN CAMARENA: Yeah.
I’m not for sure what happened, but it’s weasels. WIL WHEATON: Rats mutate into weasels? If you ever go visit the majestic moors of Massachusetts, stay out of the water. MEGHAN CAMARENA: I didn’t read that they were killed by weasels, so I just had to jump back to that, the mice evolving into rats and then evolving into weasels. Because it could happen.
You don’t know what was in that piss-filled stream.
So I have this card. I can play two more cards, I believe. So I have this. MICHELE BOYD: Unless it’s cancelled.
WIL WHEATON: Ohh. MEGHAN CAMARENA: What I was trying to do was put down a card where it let me do two other moves, because I had some crappy cards I wanted to get rid of. And Michele just cut me off. MICHELE BOYD: That girl gave me a look that I’m amazed I didn’t drop dead on the spot. There was pretty much a planning to take me down, I think, from that very moment.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Well, I guess it’s cancelled. So Michele’s a dirty jerk. She’s probably nice, but that move was very jerk-like of her. WIL WHEATON: Elissandre was delighted to have found love, by the lake. She went skipping along the shore singing, tra-la-la-la-lah, I found love on the lake, happy is what I am.
Lookit, there’s a rock, ow, I fell and broke my knee bones. AMBER BENSON: No! WIL WHEATON: I’m sure you all know. You all remember that popular song.
It was a big hit.
MICHELE BOYD: Oh, naturally. WIL WHEATON: It was in the ’20s, I think. MICHELE BOYD: Elissandre, it seems is only mildly upset. WIL WHEATON: She has a hunchback on her leg. MICHELE BOYD: She does, yeah.
Which is a very, very rare condition. And did you know that that kind of bone disease can travel to somebody’s heart– WIL WHEATON: What? MICHELE BOYD: –and actually spread throughout their lungs and asphyxiate them? WIL WHEATON: Oh, no. MICHELE BOYD: Even while she’s only mildly unhappy.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, no. MICHELE BOYD: I know. It’s so sad. WIL WHEATON: That’s awful. If Amber puts her dog down, she is absolutely going to win.
It’s nothing personal, but I need Darius Dark to die. This is just so sad. I don’t know if I should even tell you what happened. But Darius Dark knew the story of Elissandre finding love at the lake.
So he took his new bride to the same lake.
And a monstrous manatee had made its way into the lake. And Darius was mauled by that very same manatee. If I can get a [BEEP] death card in my hand, I can kill Darius Dark, and I have more than enough points in front of me to win. AMBER BENSON: What I’m going to do is I’m going to come over here to my little friend Balthazar and tell you about him a little bit. WIL WHEATON: Yeah.
AMBER BENSON: He was just sad because everybody else was dead. And I hate do this to you folks. Yeah, he died old and alone.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Oh, no. AMBER BENSON: Yeah.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Old, alone, and so forth. AMBER BENSON: I killed them all. They’re all dead. That’s the end. WIL WHEATON: Well, with that, I guess we find out who has the most miserable family.
So we total the points of our– MEGHAN CAMARENA: It’s just the dead. WIL WHEATON: –dead family members. Let’s see, Amber, how many points do you have? AMBER BENSON: 55, 65, 70.
WIL WHEATON: OK.
You have 70 points. AMBER BENSON: OK. WIL WHEATON: OK. I have 65, 75– MICHELE BOYD: No, 70. WIL WHEATON: 70.
MICHELE BOYD: 70. AMBER BENSON: So we’re tied. MICHELE BOYD: You are tied. WIL WHEATON: We’re tied. AMBER BENSON: We’re tied, OK?
OK? WIL WHEATON: All right. All right. We’re apparently tied. How many points do you have, Meghan?
MEGHAN CAMARENA: I have 70. MICHELE BOYD: You do not! WIL WHEATON: What? MEGHAN CAMARENA: I was about to get on you about your beard having extra powers, and that’s why you beat us. But I think– WIL WHEATON: How many points do you have?
MICHELE BOYD: Oh, 45. Three-way win. WIL WHEATON: This has never happened before. I’m finally in a three-way. Michele– MICHELE BOYD: I’m so– WIL WHEATON: –you get the losers couch all to yourself.
It’s nice. You can stretch out on it. MICHELE BOYD: It’ll be nice. No, it’ll be good. WIL WHEATON: Yeah.
You can drown your sorrows.
MICHELE BOYD: Oh, why didn’t you say so? WIL WHEATON: Yeah. Well, that’s what the couch is for. Meghan, Amber– MEGHAN CAMARENA: Well done.
WIL WHEATON: –we’re going downstairs to feel like winners. AMBER BENSON: Together. Yay. WIL WHEATON: You know, statistically, you are unique. It’s incredibly rare that there would be three winners in a game like this.
I’m going to go downstairs and talk to myself about winning. MICHELE BOYD: Thanks. WIL WHEATON: Turn off the lights when you leave. Wow, you guys, the three of you sharing this three-way victory. I know that there’s just nothing that is really more special than a three-way victory.
Three-way victories are rare. They don’t happen very often. And I just want to tell you how happy I am to stand here and enjoy your three-way victory. AMBER BENSON: I feel so good about this three-way. WIL WHEATON: Yeah.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: I feel good. WIL WHEATON: Well, let me give you the official TableTop three-way trophy of awesome.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Yay. AMBER BENSON: Yay. MEGHAN CAMARENA: So I’d like to thank my mom and everyone who believed in me and Michele.
Wait, no. I’m not going to thank her. AMBER BENSON: I was going to say we were going to dedicate it to Michele. We were. MEGHAN CAMARENA: Oh.
Then the cards, they spoke for themselves. AMBER BENSON: Yeah. Right? Right, Wil? Yeah.
Wil agrees with everything we say. WIL WHEATON: Yes, I’m especially proud of my masterful game play.
No, he’s very helpful. AMBER BENSON: Yeah. He engineered the three-way, quite honestly.
WIL WHEATON: Now quit cock-blocking me, dude. All right. So I’m going to get out of here. But I have to actually take the trophy with me because, as it turns out, we don’t actually have enough money in the budget to buy a trophy for everyone. But you do get to keep this piece of tape.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Oh. WIL WHEATON: So you got that going for you. AMBER BENSON: Wait, no, we’ve got to split it. MEGHAN CAMARENA: Oh, it’s on my hair. WIL WHEATON: In three ways?
AMBER BENSON: Yeah. MEGHAN CAMARENA: Yeah. Here you go. AMBER BENSON: Let’s three-way split this winning tape. One for you.
One for– I know you don’t know want to wear it, but you’re going to have to.
Sorry. You get the way. I get three. MEGHAN CAMARENA: I’m going to frame this.
AMBER BENSON: You get nothing. WIL WHEATON: Can you feel the excitement? I know I can. We will see you next time on TableTop. FEMALE SPEAKER: And you guys exit, which we forgot to tell you about.
WIL WHEATON: My bad.
