Lords of Waterdeep: Felicia Day, Pat Rothfuss, and Brandon Laatsch Join Wil on TableTop

In the Forgotten Realms campaign setting for Dungeons & Dragons, there is a legendary city called Waterdeep. Nestled into the western coast of the land of Faerun, it is known as the City of Splendors. Since it was first created by Ed Greenwood decades ago, countless adventurers have gotten drunk in its taverns and explored the Undermountain beneath it. In fact, I may have put on my robe and wizard hat and attacked the darkness there myself from time to time. But today on “TableTop,” Felicia Day, Patrick Rothfuss, Brandon Laatsch, and I will look at Waterdeep from an entirely new perspective.

 

We won’t be getting our hands dirty down in the streets or even breathing the same air as the little people who walk them.

We will be vying for control of the city’s resources through manipulation, intimidation, and outright bribery because today, we are the Lords of Waterdeep. [MUSIC PLAYING] WIL WHEATON: “Lords of Waterdeep” is a worker placement, resource management game designed by Rodney Lee and Peter Thompson. Now, normally in Dungeons & Dragons, we play the fighters, rogues, clerics, and wizards on epic quests. But in this game, we are actually the shadowy figures behind the scenes who send those characters on those quests.

You win the game by– wait for it– having the most points. You get points by completing quests. To complete a quest, you must gather resources. And to gather resources, we place these little agents around iconic Waterdeep locations. Let’s say I need some warriors.

Well, I’ll just go to the Field of Triumph and trick them into coming home with me. This quest requires priests. Hi, priests on the Plinth.

Let’s go for a ride in my windowless white van. There is one location where all the sneaky intrigue happens.

It is Waterdeep Harbor. This location is key to controlling the fate of the city. We are all generally working from the same limited pool of resources. But throughout the game, we can add buildings to Waterdeep that let us have a second shot at getting different resources. Now, there are only eight turns in Lords of Waterdeep, so we have to plan our strategies very, very carefully.

Which one of my friends will beat me today? Let’s find out. It’s time to play “Lords of Waterdeep.” BRANDON LAATSCH: My name is Brandon Laatsch. I am 50% of the FreddieW channel.

Co-creator, co-director, co-VFXer, everything. Freddie and I do it together. PAT ROTHFUSS: My name’s Patrick Rothfuss, and I am a fantasy author.

I wrote “The Name of the Wind” and “The Wise Man’s Fear.” FELICIA DAY: Hi, I’m Felicia Day, and I am known for making things on the web in video form at [INAUDIBLE].

WIL WHEATON: The first thing we’re going to do in “Lords of Waterdeep” is find out which lord we are. So Patrick, for you. Brandon, nyah. PAT ROTHFUSS: [EVIL LAUGH] WIL WHEATON: Felicia, and for me.

FELICIA DAY: There’s one dude in this pack who has– WIL WHEATON: Who am I?

FELICIA DAY: –his lips are way too dark. WIL WHEATON: I am this guy. FELICIA DAY: I’m very frustrated about this. I don’t think there’s a guy in the pack that I would rather less be than this guy with plum lipstick on and plate mail. Who does that?

WIL WHEATON: OK, so Pat, you are the first player. Go ahead. Where are you going? PAT ROTHFUSS: I have got to jump on the Builder’s Hall. Sorry, folks.

WIL WHEATON: Pat is building.

What are you going to build? PAT ROTHFUSS: I’m going to grab this juicy one up here. WIL WHEATON: Yeah, that’s a really, really good one. PAT ROTHFUSS: I’m going to put this real close to you, Wil.

You’re going to want to lay it there. FELICIA DAY: What is your faction, Pat? PAT ROTHFUSS: I am the fabulous Red Sashes. The Red Sashes were fabulous. FELICIA DAY: Fabulous.

WIL WHEATON: Yeah, they are fabulous. Give me one of your little Red Sash markers so that we know this building belongs to you. PAT ROTHFUSS: There we go. And can you bump me up one point? FELICIA DAY: I will do that.

WIL WHEATON: And Pat gets a point. Brandon. BRANDON LAATSCH: My first turn. I’m probably the least experienced at the table at this, but I think that they might underestimate me. I’m taking Arcana.

WIL WHEATON: All right. FELICIA DAY: I don’t like anything about how this game is starting. The only thing I like is that I’m a Silverstar.

I specifically requested the Silverstars to be my faction because I feel like they’re very flairy. You know what, I’m going to go, and I’m going to do– I’m going to go to Waterdeep Harbor.

WIL WHEATON: All right. And you’re going to play an intrigue card. FELICIA DAY: I’m going to play an intrigue– oh, do I do it now? WIL WHEATON: Yes, you do. FELICIA DAY: OK.

And I’m going to play Change of Plans. “Discard an uncompleted quest. Score six points.” So that would be me. WIL WHEATON: Nice!

FELICIA DAY: Boop boop boop.

WIL WHEATON: You get six points for doing nothing. FELICIA DAY: Yeah, I’m going to discard this quest right here. And where’s the discard pile? There we go.

WIL WHEATON: OK. What is the other half of that? FELICIA DAY: And then, “Each opponent can choose to discard an uncompleted quest to score three.” WIL WHEATON: All right. FELICIA DAY: So feel free to join in on my intrigue.

PAT ROTHFUSS: I think I’m going to get a little of that.

FELICIA DAY: Felicia got six for playing the card, but I’ll take three for free. WIL WHEATON: Yeah, I’ll be on board with that. FELICIA DAY: OK. So that would be red, one, two, three.

WIL WHEATON: Three for Wil. Three for green. FELICIA DAY: And one, two, three. Brandon, anything? BRANDON LAATSCH: I’m going to keep my quests.

WIL WHEATON: Oh, look who’s Mr. Commerce Arcana over here. FELICIA DAY: Yeah, who that is? Hey, hi there. WIL WHEATON: I am the Harpers, who I like to play because their house sigil looks like the Guinness harp.

And I enjoy Guinness. Guinness, if you would like to send me things for free, I would accept them. FELICIA DAY: Wow. WIL WHEATON: I am going to the Field of Triumph. I’m getting some warriors.

OK. Are you going to quest land? PAT ROTHFUSS: Yeah, I am. I’m going to grab a little bit of this.

I wasn’t going to talk about this, but my main quest– WIL WHEATON: Ah, it’s the best quest ever!

PAT ROTHFUSS: –was to domesticate owlbears. FELICIA DAY: What? WIL WHEATON: That is the best quest ever. PAT ROTHFUSS: I was going to– FELICIA DAY: Wait, let me see that card. PAT ROTHFUSS: –throw the entire game if I got the chance to just domesticate owlbears.

FELICIA DAY: How is this an actual quest, “Domesticate Owlbears”? WIL WHEATON: So here’s a question. Why would you want to domesticate owlbears? PAT ROTHFUSS: I imagine– FELICIA DAY: How do you litter train them? They’re very large.

PAT ROTHFUSS: Well, I don’t think like for farming, domesticated. Not like– they’re not house pets. That would be ridiculous. BRANDON LAATSCH: I’m trying to pretend like I know what an owlbear is here, but I have no idea what an owlbear is. WIL WHEATON: Let me break it down for you kids today with your video games and your TV and your not reading books.

An owlbear is a D&D monster with the body of a bear and the head of an owl. [HOOTING] PAT ROTHFUSS: It’s sort of like the Reese’s Pieces of D&D monsters. FELICIA DAY: If I had a pet owlbear, I’d name him Friendzy. We have a question about how this card is played. BRANDON LAATSCH: I played a Bribe Agent card.

WIL WHEATON: All right.

Pay $2. “Choose an action space containing an opponent’s agent.” Then use that space as though you had assigned an agent to it. So if you’d like to build, you may.

If you would like to get orange, you may, anything like that. You don’t have to use a dude to do it. PAT ROTHFUSS: But you don’t have to even play. You just get to as if you had played there. BRANDON LAATSCH: OK.

So I’m building. WIL WHEATON: Pay $2 to use your thing, because you’re bribing a guy, I guess. OK? BRANDON LAATSCH: Good call. Basically, my opening strategy is to get a building up so that later on in the game, I’ll be able to maximize people getting off that.

And then also, I’m going to get some quests that align with my class so that I’m ready to conquer.

WIL WHEATON: All right, all right, all right. So go ahead and– FELICIA DAY: I’ll totally distract you– WIL WHEATON: –give me $2. BRANDON LAATSCH: $2 and $4. WIL WHEATON: $2 and $4.

Give me $6. OK. And you get a point for building a thing. Congratulations. Welcome to the land of people who have points.

And Felicia, it is your turn. FELICIA DAY: You know what I would like more than anything is I would really like to go first next time. And I get an intrigue card, which makes me happy because I’m all into that. PAT ROTHFUSS: First position is really key. It’s easy to underestimate.

And in a four-player game, it ends up being pretty heavy. BRANDON LAATSCH: Yeah, you pushed me into last place. WIL WHEATON: Come on, are you serious? FELICIA DAY: I’m sorry. You took the building that I wanted.

I want real estate. BRANDON LAATSCH: Are you the red-headed chick? WIL WHEATON: Felicia, everyone knows you’re the builder. If you were any more obvious, you would be wearing a hard hat. FELICIA DAY: I am not the builder.

And I am so frustrated about it. I mean, if you look at that picture and look at the picture that I am, come on.

WIL WHEATON: Everybody has played. Now we go to Waterdeep Harbor, and the player in first position in Waterdeep Harbor can move to a new location. So Felicia, that’s you.

FELICIA DAY: Yeah, that would be me. WIL WHEATON: Where would you like to go while you’re in Waterdeep Harbor? FELICIA DAY: Let’s see what is left. Let me see. I forget what I’m doing.

OK. I, at this point, would like to maybe get some resources because my Tavern is empty.

WIL WHEATON: You can get purple, black, or white, or orange and black, or you can get something of your choosing– FELICIA DAY: Oh boy. WIL WHEATON: –nyah. PAT ROTHFUSS: Could I interest you in this lovely property here on the waterfront?

FELICIA DAY: No– PAT ROTHFUSS: Everything here in Waterdeep is really on the waterfront. FELICIA DAY: But this, I get four things here. WIL WHEATON: It’s in the name. OK, so move your dude there. BRANDON LAATSCH: We’re both there.

PAT ROTHFUSS: Brandon, what color would you like, orange or black? FELICIA DAY: $2, please. BRANDON LAATSCH: Orange for $2. FELICIA DAY: Thank you. WIL WHEATON: There you go.

There’s your warrior. Brandon, you go next. Where would you like to go? BRANDON LAATSCH: All right. I’m just going to go straight money.

WIL WHEATON: You’re going to get some money. FELICIA DAY: Money. WIL WHEATON: That’s the end of the turn. PAT ROTHFUSS: Turn one. FELICIA DAY: The first turn was not great for me.

I actually– my guy, my lord, is the opposite of what my quest cards are, so I’m already starting from behind, which is kind of frustrating.

WIL WHEATON: And I am getting a priest and completing a quest. 12 points for green. FELICIA DAY: I don’t like you all of a sudden. PAT ROTHFUSS: By the way, I’ll take my 12 points.

WIL WHEATON: I’m going to draw this quest, and I’m going to complete it. FELICIA DAY: Oh, I hate your face. WIL WHEATON: So I get 15. So I’m at 38 points. BRANDON LAATSCH: I’m sitting there with 30 points.

FELICIA DAY: I know. And look at all this gold this guy has. I’ve got nothing. I’ve accomplished nothing in my life. BRANDON LAATSCH: We need to work together more.

FELICIA DAY: No, I’m serious. I don’t like him. WIL WHEATON: I think maybe I’m down with– BRANDON LAATSCH: Felicia, we’re helping each other out, starting right now.

FELICIA DAY: OK. I am all on your side, until you start looking like you’re really going to beat me.

I know that Brandon has a really strategic gamer mind. And the fact that Wil is so intense, I know I have to team up with somebody, or he’s going to wipe the floor with us. We need to block Wil. WIL WHEATON: No, you don’t. Don’t even start playing that game, bud.

PAT ROTHFUSS: We’ve got a mandatory quest for Wil.

WIL WHEATON: I don’t know why you want to do that. FELICIA DAY: Finally. WIL WHEATON: I don’t think you need to do that. Now because this is turn five, everyone gets an extra agent.

FELICIA DAY: Oh, this is great. Oh, I like this. PAT ROTHFUSS: Yes! WIL WHEATON: Here’s yours and yours and yours and yours. OK, great.

So now we all get three guys, which means we really have to play the “I know that you know that I know that you know that I know” game. The last four turns of this game are going to be very slippery. BRANDON LAATSCH: Wil’s looking pretty strong. He jumped out to a really early lead on us.

So I’m going to look out for him and drop a quest on him if I can.

FELICIA DAY: I think that we’re a mess. We need to focus on Wil, take Wil down because I don’t want to see him on the Winners’ Wall. It’s irritating. WIL WHEATON: These things always tend to clump up toward the end. And if you have a huge lead at the beginning, you have a target on your back, and everybody pulls you down.

I’m going to go first because I am the first player. And because I have a bull [BLEEP] quest, Pat, I’m going to go here.

And that actually pays off the bull [BLEEP] quest. So goodbye, bull [BLEEP] quest. PAT ROTHFUSS: Playing a mandatory quest is one of the most aggressive things you can directly do in the game.

It’s not just taking up somebody else’s spot. So it’s a bit of a dick move. WIL WHEATON: Oh, fantastic, a mandatory quest. Thank you, Pat. I’m so glad you’re here and not finishing “Day Three.

” PAT ROTHFUSS: But it’s a smart dick move. FELICIA DAY: You are so intense right now. WIL WHEATON: Great move that was. FELICIA DAY: I just have to say, I don’t think I’ve seen you play a game that you were so intent on winning. You are– your claws are out, sir.

WIL WHEATON: Have you ever watched this show? Let’s talk about how many times I win on this show. FELICIA DAY: It’s not very many. WIL WHEATON: It’s not.

FELICIA DAY: OK.

BRANDON LAATSCH: “Come Beat Wil at his House,” the show. FELICIA DAY: I’m going to play an intrigue card. Silverstar! I have some really good ones to choose from here, but I’m going to play a mandatory quest on some wonderful person. Now, the thing about it is– BRANDON LAATSCH: Who hasn’t gone on one yet?

FELICIA DAY: –you just got rid of one. WIL WHEATON: Right. FELICIA DAY: Now Pat– you just got a little hopeful, like I’m not going to pick on you. WIL WHEATON: I know you’re going to pick on me. Just play it.

FELICIA DAY: But Pat is about to get a really, oh, 20 quest.

Man. PAT ROTHFUSS: I need a purple and a white. FELICIA DAY: Oh, that’s a lot. WIL WHEATON: He needs a purple and a white.

PAT ROTHFUSS: That’s two whole– WIL WHEATON: No, he needs a purple and white. And that gets him 20 points. And that puts him in first place with 42. FELICIA DAY: It’s not good. It’s not good.

This is hard. WIL WHEATON: You want to block him. FELICIA DAY: Who do I screw over? BRANDON LAATSCH: I’m going to invoke this right now because I’ve held onto it this entire game. Today is my birthday.

WIL WHEATON: You want a mandatory quest for your birthday? BRANDON LAATSCH: No, no, no, I don’t want a mandatory quest for my birthday. FELICIA DAY: Is this your birthday? WIL WHEATON: It’s really your birthday? BRANDON LAATSCH: And I know– WIL WHEATON: You’re spending your birthday with us?

FELICIA DAY: Why are you here? BRANDON LAATSCH: Right there, birthday, today.

WIL WHEATON: What? FELICIA DAY: Why are you here, Brandon? WIL WHEATON: I think it is amazing that he came here to play with us on his birthday.

Happy birthday, Brandon. Seriously, good luck– ish. PAT ROTHFUSS: Happy birthday, Brandon. BRANDON LAATSCH: [WHISPERING] Thank you. FELICIA DAY: You know, I don’t really want to be beat Brandon, because I found out it’s his birthday.

And I feel like a jerk if I beat a guy on his birthday. So I’m going to go with our plan that we’re kind of teaming up because I know that the other side of the table, they’re all experts and stuff. We’ve got to take them down. So I’m going to ask why the Red Sashes are going to do better things for Waterdeep than the Harpers. BRANDON LAATSCH: In two words.

WIL WHEATON: Yeah, I’ll do this. I’m sitting on eight potential points. Pat is sitting on– FELICIA DAY: No, no. I really want the role-playing. I’m role-playing.

Why are the Harpers better for the Waterdeep? WIL WHEATON: Oh, OK, I’ll tell you why the Harpers are better.

Because the Harpers are a little more in touch with the common man because they can’t score as many [BLEEP] points as Pat can, who has 50, 61 [BLEEP] points sitting in his hand right now. Felicia, just give him the mandatory quest! FELICIA DAY: Oh god, you’re so loud.

WIL WHEATON: Ugh, I knew you were going to do that anyway! FELICIA DAY: It was so loud. WIL WHEATON: Eat a dick! FELICIA DAY: It was so loud in my face. WIL WHEATON: Shut up.

FELICIA DAY: It was such a [INAUDIBLE] Harper. [SINGING] Silverstars are quiet people. WIL WHEATON: Is your turn over? Is your turn over now? Allow me to polish off a chestnut from last season.

This is bull [BLEEP]. FELICIA DAY: Wil, it’s too late now. I would have given it to you. WIL WHEATON: Here. I waste yet another action going here to stamp out cultists.

I spend these three things. Remember how I said I wasn’t that far ahead? This is why. I spend these three things. I do that and that and that.

FELICIA DAY: Well, see, that wasn’t that painful. WIL WHEATON: Oh, two points. All right, that’s fantastic. That’s great. That’s not what I wanted to do.

Woo! Go me. Girl power. FELICIA DAY: I’ve never seen Wil that intense. Like, it was scary.

It was like, oh, good hosting “TableTop” Wil. Like, evil Wil, evil, competitive Wil. WIL WHEATON: Remember when I said you generally don’t want to jump out to a big early lead in a game like this? That’s why. PAT ROTHFUSS: Head to the harbor, and I’ll play Graduation Day.

FELICIA DAY: Good for you. PAT ROTHFUSS: So I get two wizards coming to visit. FELICIA DAY: Wow, nice. PAT ROTHFUSS: And I think Felicia, I’ve wronged you at some point in this game. And so you can have a wizard.

FELICIA DAY: I can have a wizard? PAT ROTHFUSS: You can. FELICIA DAY: I’m so glad I didn’t give you that card, Pat. PAT ROTHFUSS: I’m glad, too. Because then we can be closer friends.

FELICIA DAY: I wish we could embrace, but we’re so far apart. There’s such negativity between us. WIL WHEATON: [SINGING] Oh, I got a big [BLEEP] you for my friends, a big [BLEEP] you for my friends, a giant [BLEEP] you for you, and a big [BLEEP] you to you. PAT ROTHFUSS: That’s my new theme song. And actually, I will– one, two.

WIL WHEATON: Here it comes. PAT ROTHFUSS: There’s all my mojo. FELICIA DAY: Oh god. He’s going to shoot forward. PAT ROTHFUSS: And two.

WIL WHEATON: Yep. How many points is that? PAT ROTHFUSS: That’ll be 20. BRANDON LAATSCH: Geez. WIL WHEATON: Oh gosh, huh, that’s so weird.

I feel like someone just said he’s about to complete a 20-point quest and jump into first place. Maybe you should block him. That’s so unbelievably strange. FELICIA DAY: But you were so loud. You were so loud.

WIL WHEATON: Huh. I wonder how that happened. FELICIA DAY: You didn’t use your inside voice. That’s how it happened. BRANDON LAATSCH: Wil is one of those kids that never realized that people play the players, not the game.

FELICIA DAY: You play the players, yeah. That’s very wise. Now you’re on the list. PAT ROTHFUSS: But I just– a wizard. FELICIA DAY: No.

It was nice of you, but now– WIL WHEATON: Yeah, don’t blame him, dumbass. Blame yourself. FELICIA DAY: Look how far back we are, Brandon. I feel like I might be able to catch up. I felt really handicapped in the beginning of this game.

But right now that I have two quests that I’m cashing in, I’m feeling kind of good. BRANDON LAATSCH: At this point, I’m slow rolling it. I’ve got a lot of points in my hand, and I plan on playing them basically as late as possible in order to surprise them. Because right now, there’s a lot of hate going around, and so I need to make sure it stays over by Wil before I make my move. WIL WHEATON: Hmm.

BRANDON LAATSCH: Not a whole lot of choices on the board anymore, is there? FELICIA DAY: No, there’s a lot– the population just shot up through the roof. There was some kind of orgiastic owlbear situation. WIL WHEATON: Orgiastic– FELICIA AND WIL: Owlbear situation.

BRANDON LAATSCH: I’m going to take the first player again.

WIL WHEATON: And you draw an intrigue card. FELICIA DAY: I enjoy that– BRANDON LAATSCH: Draw an intrigue card. Rocking. FELICIA DAY: –choice. My turn would be, I’m going to go here.

Now, I can complete a quest if I do this, and I take two rogues. WIL WHEATON: In the Grinning Loin? FELICIA DAY: Yes, in the Grinning Loin. And I– there’s a prison break, guys. Oh no!

WIL WHEATON: Oh no. FELICIA DAY: There’s a burly man behind the– WIL WHEATON: You busted out a bunch of rogues.

FELICIA DAY: Yes, I did, and the two wizards, and $2 because they had to pay off the jailer. WIL WHEATON: The jailer, yeah, of course. FELICIA DAY: And then I’m going to– 14 points and two warriors.

And I can immediately play an intrigue card without taking an action. WIL WHEATON: Oh sweet. PAT ROTHFUSS: Wow. WIL WHEATON: That’s a good move for you. FELICIA DAY: And I am going to play Arcane Mishap.

It’s an attack. Each opponent removes a purple from his or her Tavern and places it back to the supply. For each opponent that could not do so, I draw an intrigue card. WIL WHEATON: One, two– take it back. You get two intrigue cards.

FELICIA DAY: Yeah, so you have to lose one of those. WIL WHEATON: What’s that called, Arcane Explosion? FELICIA DAY: Yeah. Arcane Mishap. WIL WHEATON: Arcane Mishap, yeah.

FELICIA DAY: It was after the owlbear situation. There was a mishap. WIL WHEATON: That’s the headline in, like, the “Waterdeep Gazette.” “Arcane Mishap. Owlbear Situation Blamed.

” “Arcane Mishap Blamed for Owlbear Situation.” That’s what it is.

FELICIA DAY: Yeah. WIL WHEATON: All right. Now we’re moving off of Waterdeep Harbor.

And it looks like, Felicia, you get to go again. FELICIA DAY: Oh, my goodness. WIL WHEATON: So where are you going, and what are you doing, and how’s it happening? FELICIA DAY: What am I going to do? WIL WHEATON: What comes up next?

I have a lot of questions for you, and these are them.

FELICIA DAY: God, there’s a lot of people here. You know what, I’m going to– WIL WHEATON: Maybe that over there? FELICIA DAY: –go right here. I’m going to get two warriors.

WIL WHEATON: Fantastic. FELICIA DAY: And I’m going to do this quest, which is Repel Seawraiths. WIL WHEATON: Yep. FELICIA DAY: And seawraiths are attacking a ship in the harbor. This is not good.

But I’m going to drive them back with my warfare capability. WIL WHEATON: Uh-huh. Hey, how many points do you get for that? FELICIA DAY: I get 15 and two gold.

WIL WHEATON: 15.

PAT ROTHFUSS: So that would be like a billion points. WIL WHEATON: So that would be 50– PAT ROTHFUSS: Like all the points. WIL WHEATON: –for you, is what you’re saying. FELICIA DAY: 15 and two. [GASP], what?

BRANDON LAATSCH: Are you in first? FELICIA DAY: Oh my gosh! I didn’t anticipate this happening, boys. PAT ROTHFUSS: Second to last turn. FELICIA DAY: Oh, gosh.

BRANDON LAATSCH: Two more for everything. FELICIA DAY: Oh, gosh. OK. BRANDON LAATSCH: It’s a tight game right now. FELICIA DAY: It is, really.

So wait, you have– oh, you have some big cards over here, buddy. WIL WHEATON: I keep telling you, he needs two black to get 20 points. FELICIA DAY: Yeah, that’s crazy, dude. Oh, this is not good. He’s got everything he needs– WIL WHEATON: We can’t stop him.

He’s unstoppable. He’s filled with warriors. FELICIA DAY: No, it’s really true. PAT ROTHFUSS: I’m filled with tinier men.

FELICIA DAY: Well, we’re kind of screwed right now.

PAT ROTHFUSS: Thank you. BRANDON LAATSCH: All right. I’m going to take my guy because I need to start unloading these. FELICIA DAY: Yeah, you need to unload that. You should always be in Waterdeep.

BRANDON LAATSCH: I’m going to take one of your purples. PAT ROTHFUSS: So it just says– BRANDON LAATSCH: Complete your action. PAT ROTHFUSS: You get to take– WIL WHEATON: How many whites do you have, Pat? PAT ROTHFUSS: Just one. WIL WHEATON: If you take his white, he can’t complete his warfare quest.

BRANDON LAATSCH: This turn.

WIL WHEATON: This turn, yeah. BRANDON LAATSCH: He’s got two more turns. PAT ROTHFUSS: I think he just needs the purple for something. BRANDON LAATSCH: I just want the purple.

WIL WHEATON: All right. Go ahead, Felicia. FELICIA DAY: I’m actually going to go quickly this time. Surprise. WIL WHEATON: That’s weird.

FELICIA DAY: I’m going to go to Waterdeep. I’m going to play this intrigue card, Good Faith. Take two of these from two priests and then choose one opponent. That opponent takes one priest from the supply and places it in a Tavern. I’m going to give it to you.

Just– PAT ROTHFUSS: Ha! FELICIA DAY: You’re dead to me. BRANDON LAATSCH: Buddies for life. FELICIA DAY: And then I’m going to also complete a quest.

I would like to complete this quest, which is this [BLEEP] quest, mandatory quest that some [BLEEP] monger– we’ll cut this out– WIL WHEATON: Doesn’t it suck that you have a mandatory quest?

FELICIA DAY: Yeah, it’s terrible. WIL WHEATON: It sucks. It’s the worst thing ever, isn’t it? FELICIA DAY: You’re the worst. WIL WHEATON: Isn’t it awful?

FELICIA DAY: You did this– WIL WHEATON: It’s horrible. FELICIA DAY: You taught me a lesson. WIL WHEATON: It’s the worst thing. FELICIA DAY: I get four points. Here’s a stupid card.

Yeah. Ugh. Anyway, that’s my turn, guys. WIL WHEATON: OK. Uh-oh.

I’m up on my heels. This is what happens when I’m serious. FELICIA DAY: You’re in pooping position. Oh, gosh, [INAUDIBLE]? WIL WHEATON: Wait, pooping position?

FELICIA DAY: Yes, I just said “pooping position.” We all do it.

Whatever. WIL WHEATON: Isn’t that just sitting? FELICIA DAY: You’ve never been in pooping position on any “TableTop.

” This is a first, guys. You are witnessing a first. BRANDON LAATSCH: [INAUDIBLE], put it on a trophy. WIL WHEATON: All right, I’m going to go on a quest. It’s for piety.

It’s a plot quest. Protect the House of Wonder. I get this, a couple of priests, and a thing. It’s a plot quest, so it’s not worth very many points. FELICIA DAY: What is it called?

Read it aloud. WIL WHEATON: It’s called Protect the House of Wonder.

FELICIA DAY: Ah. WIL WHEATON: Which is exactly what it sounds like. FELICIA DAY: So it’s that exciting?

WIL WHEATON: I get eight points. FELICIA DAY: [SINGING] 57. WIL WHEATON: My turn is done. PAT ROTHFUSS: I’m going to play Assassination. FELICIA DAY: Wait, what?

WIL WHEATON: You’re a horrible person. PAT ROTHFUSS: Everybody has to remove one– WIL WHEATON: Everybody removes one black from their Tavern.

FELICIA DAY: I hate you. WIL WHEATON: All right, take a rogue out of your Tavern. FELICIA DAY: I hate you.

I really, honestly have feelings of hostility, like honestly. I’m going to get in pooping position. WIL WHEATON: How’s that working out? PAT ROTHFUSS: I never thought it would come to this. FELICIA DAY: I’m feeling like I’m a winner.

WIL WHEATON: We poop in really different ways. PAT ROTHFUSS: The first “TableTop” where somebody rage poops. FELICIA DAY: I’ve got to sit down. I’m laughing too hard. I’m afraid what’s going to happen.

BRANDON LAATSCH: Felicia, I’m going to help you out here. FELICIA DAY: Owner– oh, you’re amazing. Oh, god, this is what I wanted. PAT ROTHFUSS: See, it didn’t hurt you at all. FELICIA DAY: No, except it hurt my feelings, Pat.

BRANDON LAATSCH: And I’m going to pay. Spending four, spending these guys and these guys to do something I should have done in the beginning of the game but didn’t. Because I get 10 points, and I get to draw one building from the stack and put it into play with no cost to me.

FELICIA DAY: Oh, nice. WIL WHEATON: All right, there you go.

FELICIA DAY: What is it? WIL WHEATON: What is it? BRANDON LAATSCH: It’s you may go there. And I’m going to place three points. WIL WHEATON: When purchased, put three points on this thing.

BRANDON LAATSCH: Anyone can go there. WIL WHEATON: Score them from the space face and take one face-up quest. FELICIA DAY: What? PAT ROTHFUSS: Wow. WIL WHEATON: Plus you get two points.

FELICIA DAY: What? PAT ROTHFUSS: Whenever something happens. BRANDON LAATSCH: When someone uses it. FELICIA DAY: That is pretty sweet. WIL WHEATON: Wowsers.

FELICIA DAY: I think that he actually has a chance through his real estate to pull ahead.

He’s kind of like the mogul of the board. And I think that can factor in later. PAT ROTHFUSS: If he is playing the builder, he’s sitting on a lot of hidden points that people aren’t aware of, which is why I took a swipe at him early. FELICIA DAY: Yeah, I kind of like this.

So I’m going to go here. And I’m going to take these points, which is three.

BRANDON LAATSCH: So I get two. FELICIA DAY: So give me three. BRANDON LAATSCH: Felicia’s now tied for first.

FELICIA DAY: OK. And then I’m going to take this quest right here. And then I’m going to actually complete this quest, so that I have– I’m going to get 11. I defeated the uprising from the Undermountain, which is good. WIL WHEATON: Oh, good for you.

Those guys are dicks. FELICIA DAY: I know. They’re not worth it, not worth the– and then I get 11 points and two warriors.

WIL WHEATON: Hey, look who’s way up in first place. FELICIA DAY: Temporarily.

WIL WHEATON: Felicia is. I’m excited for you. Come on. What the hell? FELICIA DAY: I don’t believe it.

You’re kind of in pooping position a little bit. WIL WHEATON: If I’m in pooping position, I’m pooping on my own foot, which is not a good thing to do. What kind of pooping does Felicia do where she has to get up into a pooping position? FELICIA DAY: The pooping position elevates you. It lets you survey the world like an eagle on a cliff.

WIL WHEATON: What the [BLEEP]? PAT ROTHFUSS: We’re going to do that. WIL WHEATON: Intrigue card.

FELICIA DAY: There you go, sir. PAT ROTHFUSS: Thank you.

Then– WIL WHEATON: Dude, are you turning in the quest you just drew? PAT ROTHFUSS: Yeah. WIL WHEATON: Nice. FELICIA DAY: Wow. PAT ROTHFUSS: For 13 and another intrigue.

WIL WHEATON: So in D&D, it’s maybe a two-level dungeon, and you’ve basically fought a bunch of dire rats. PAT ROTHFUSS: I think even if you haven’t really played D&D, it’s a great game in the same way that even if you’ve never been a farmer, you can play “Agricola.” WIL WHEATON: I’m sorry. I know you want me to talk a something else, but I just have to come back to– pooping position? It is your turn, sir.

Now you may go. All right? FELICIA DAY: Nice, nice. BRANDON LAATSCH: And maybe that one will help you out.

FELICIA DAY: Oh, that’ll help you.

BRANDON LAATSCH: Don’t think so. FELICIA DAY: Look, because you’re a piety man and a commerce man. BRANDON LAATSCH: And Felicia, sorry. I know we’re buds. I’m going to spend five of these, two of these.

FELICIA DAY: Oh, congratulations. BRANDON LAATSCH: I get 25 points. I’m not in last place anymore. FELICIA DAY: 25 points! BRANDON LAATSCH: For the first time in the game.

FELICIA DAY: Wow, that is awesome. That is huge. That is huge. WIL WHEATON: So 50, 62, 74. FELICIA DAY: That is amazing.

Very good. You are ahead of everybody. WIL WHEATON: Hey, guess who’s going to finish this game in last place? Every time a commerce or piety quest comes up at the inn, they fill up the two take a quest markers, and then they leave me the wipe a quest marker. This leaves me with one option– gather resources and hope that quest is still there next turn.

Waterdeep Harbor happens. BRANDON LAATSCH: That’s me again.

FELICIA DAY: You get to go first. BRANDON LAATSCH: Fancy that. WIL WHEATON: I think you should go get some more intrigue cards.

BRANDON LAATSCH: I’ve got plenty. WIL WHEATON: OK. BRANDON LAATSCH: Now, I can go right back and play one. I think I get to choose one after I get a four. WIL WHEATON: No, you reset it.

BRANDON LAATSCH: Oh, it just resets. I don’t get to choose one. PAT ROTHFUSS: No, you reset, and then you choose. WIL WHEATON: And then you choose. BRANDON LAATSCH: Yes, OK.

Reset, then choose. That’s what I want. WIL WHEATON: That’s fantastic. PAT ROTHFUSS: I figure a random one for four, maybe I’ll get one that I really like. WIL WHEATON: Oh, good, they wiped the quest I’ve been trying to get for two turns.

That’s fantastic. FELICIA DAY: My turn. I’m going to go here. I’m going to get a priest. I’m going to use this and cash it in, which is Ambush Artor Morlin.

“The vampire lord Artor Morlin must be shown that Waterdeep is not his personal hunting ground.” WIL WHEATON: Right.

FELICIA DAY: [SINGING] Silverstars, shivvin’, shiv, shiv, shiv, shiv. WIL WHEATON: Why are you shivving me? I’m not a vampire.

I’m not a threat to anybody. FELICIA DAY: Oh no. It was just air-shiv. I was air-shivving. OK.

WIL WHEATON: Oh, OK. FELICIA DAY: One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. BRANDON LAATSCH: A new leader, Felicia Day. FELICIA DAY: I have a feeling that we’re going to get kicked in the hoo-ha. WIL WHEATON: Pat, you’re first player, so first it up.

PAT ROTHFUSS: Go here. I’m going to grab– WIL WHEATON: This is going to end up being close for you guys. BRANDON LAATSCH: I like how you take yourself right out of there. WIL WHEATON: I’m not– no, it’s OK. I’ve made peace with it now.

I’m fine. Brandon, it’s your turn. BRANDON LAATSCH: I’m going to– it’s a tough one to play a call. But I’m going to play an intrigue card– FELICIA DAY: What? BRANDON LAATSCH: –because I’ve got give of them.

FELICIA DAY: Yeah, you need to go there. BRANDON LAATSCH: And I will play this one, which gives me two of whatever from this. I’m going to take two orangeys. WIL WHEATON: Uh-huh. That’s a great card.

I love that card. FELICIA DAY: I’m going to– BRANDON LAATSCH: And– FELICIA DAY: Oh, whoa.

BRANDON LAATSCH: Playing the quest. Because this one’s going to give me eight points. WIL WHEATON: Win eight.

BRANDON LAATSCH: Win eight points. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. And I get another quest. WIL WHEATON: Would you like a skulduggery, a skulduggery, or one of the remaining two skulduggeries? BRANDON LAATSCH: Are they all four?

I don’t know. I don’t think I’ll play any of them, but I’ll take one.

I’ll take this one. FELICIA DAY: I’m going to go to Waterdeep. Hello!

There’s a cwime wave. WIL WHEATON: Oh no. FELICIA DAY: A cwime wave. I just lisped. WIL WHEATON: That’s terrible.

FELICIA DAY: OK. There is a crime wave in Waterdeep, guys. And I am going to have to take two thieves, put them in my Tavern. I get to give a cube to one person, birthday boy. BRANDON LAATSCH: Buddies for life.

FELICIA DAY: Oh, good. BRANDON LAATSCH: Felicia and I made a pact very early on to be buddies. And normally, those pacts don’t actually make it through a game. But since we kind of started out in last place, and we did help each other out along the way, it lasted through the entire thing, which is rare.

FELICIA DAY: OK.

PAT ROTHFUSS: Waterdeep. And Lack of Faith. So you would have to discard priests, but nobody has priests. I picked that special so it wouldn’t inconvenience anyone. FELICIA DAY: You are so sweet because you’re about to stomp our ass.

WIL WHEATON: And you get two points for each. PAT ROTHFUSS: I get two points for each of those. WIL WHEATON: So you get six points. FELICIA DAY: Yep. BRANDON LAATSCH: I will score you your points.

PAT ROTHFUSS: If you would, please. WIL WHEATON: So you want to move him from 67 to 73. FELICIA DAY: One, two, three, four, five, six. Your turn. BRANDON LAATSCH: My turn.

I’m going to visit my own shack here. FELICIA DAY: No. Why did you do that? That was my killer move. BRANDON LAATSCH: One of these, one of those, and two gold.

WIL WHEATON: Two gold. Here you go. BRANDON LAATSCH: Thank you. WIL WHEATON: OK. BRANDON LAATSCH: I’m going to spend– FELICIA DAY: [INAUDIBLE].

BRANDON LAATSCH: Oh, wait, wait. FELICIA DAY: Whoa, whoa, whoa. WIL WHEATON: I’m sorry. BRANDON LAATSCH: I’m spending all my people. Everyone out of the inn.

WIL WHEATON: Get out! BRANDON LAATSCH: Inn’s closed. Game’s ending. FELICIA DAY: Wow, look at you. BRANDON LAATSCH: Two moneys.

WIL WHEATON: Two moneys. BRANDON LAATSCH: And these three.

And these two. FELICIA DAY: Nice job. Nice job.

BRANDON LAATSCH: Oh, and this is eight points plus two for every building I draw. One, two, three. FELICIA DAY: Whoa. WIL WHEATON: Two, four, six, eight– FELICIA DAY: 14 points. WIL WHEATON: That’s a 14-point quest for you, dude.

PAT ROTHFUSS: Nice. Dang. FELICIA DAY: What just happened, guys? PAT ROTHFUSS: See? And you were all critical of me coming down on him early.

BRANDON LAATSCH: Boom, boom, boom, boom, 14. FELICIA DAY: Whoa. WIL WHEATON: Whoa. BRANDON LAATSCH: This board can’t count high enough for the birthday boy. WIL WHEATON: Well done.

FELICIA DAY: Bravo. Bravo. I’m going to do that because I can do this quest. I can do– WIL WHEATON: Oh, my god. I’m going to complete a quest.

FELICIA DAY: –this quest. And I’m going to do that for this, and I get 10 points and an intrigue card, which doesn’t really apply, but. WIL WHEATON: I am going to– FELICIA DAY: Yeah, I’m not going to give him a point. PAT ROTHFUSS: Ah. WIL WHEATON: Oh, man.

I think that I might– BRANDON LAATSCH: That was what I was going to [INAUDIBLE].

WIL WHEATON: I think that I might go– FELICIA DAY: Yeah, he could actually– WIL WHEATON: I think that I might go– hey guys. FELICIA DAY: Mm-hmm? BRANDON LAATSCH: Don’t do it. FELICIA DAY: No.

BRANDON LAATSCH: Don’t do it. FELICIA DAY: Why? WIL WHEATON: Because I need a white and two golds. BRANDON LAATSCH: Right now, it’s looking like it’s going to be pretty close at the end, so I just hope I don’t lose by those two points. FELICIA DAY: Come on, Wil.

What are you doing? It’s his birthday. Give a dude a break. WIL WHEATON: At’s this point, it’s not really about Pat winning as much as it is about them losing. Because this, that’s why.

BRANDON LAATSCH: And you wonder why no one ever comes back to your house. WIL WHEATON: Here, Pat, let me help you out here, pal. FELICIA DAY: Wow, it’s a wonder– WIL WHEATON: Hang on. I’m going a quest right now. FELICIA DAY: Somebody’s birthday just doesn’t seem to mean anything to somebody.

BRANDON LAATSCH: I know. WIL WHEATON: You guys, this is a big deal in D&D, especially Forgotten Realms. FELICIA DAY: Whoa. WIL WHEATON: Discover the Hidden Temple of Lolth. PAT ROTHFUSS: Oh.

WIL WHEATON: I get 10 omega points for that. BRANDON LAATSCH: I don’t want him to get my three points, even though it would it would give me two points, so I’m just going to take them. WIL WHEATON: Yeah, I think your best move is that. FELICIA DAY: Moonies. WIL WHEATON: All right.

FELICIA DAY: OK. WIL WHEATON: So end of the game. BRANDON LAATSCH: I’ve got a small lead going to the bonus. And I know that Pat’s got a lot of points sitting in his hand, but I think I’m going to have enough to pull it out. WIL WHEATON: You score last to first.

FELICIA DAY: Gotcha. WIL WHEATON: I’m Mirt the Moneylender. FELICIA DAY: Ugh. WIL WHEATON: “To outsiders, Mirt appears to be little more than a drunk and a braggart. This disguise hides his true cunning and wit.

” Or in this case, never allowed it to emerge.

You guys, remember when I had to get the 100-point marker out? FELICIA DAY: Yeah. WIL WHEATON: Woo! FELICIA DAY: That’s pretty nice.

BRANDON LAATSCH: Oh yeah, nice. WIL WHEATON: OK, great. PAT ROTHFUSS: That was the least sincere– FELICIA DAY: That would be me. PAT ROTHFUSS: Oh yeah, yeah. FELICIA DAY: Blue.

WIL WHEATON: OK, go ahead, Felicia. FELICIA DAY: OK. I was the person that I went into this game saying, I really hope I’m not that guy. Caladorn Cassalanter. He has plum lipstick on and plate mail.

And I think it’s the worst combo that you could possibly do as an adventurer. PAT ROTHFUSS: OK. I am Khelben Arunsun, the Blackstaff. FELICIA DAY: Whoa, look at that.

32.

OK, there we go. Who are you? BRANDON LAATSCH: I’m Brianne. You know, I didn’t make an official count in my head. I just wanted to wait so I’d actually have a genuine reaction to it.

Ooh, that’s getting very close. WIL WHEATON: Six times four is 24. BRANDON LAATSCH: I don’t think I have it. FELICIA DAY: I don’t know. BRANDON LAATSCH: I don’t have it.

Oh wait. WIL WHEATON: One. BRANDON LAATSCH: Oh, I’m short. WIL WHEATON: Count up your money. BRANDON LAATSCH: Four, four, total.

WIL WHEATON: Four? One, two, three, four. FELICIA DAY: Oh! BRANDON LAATSCH: And that’s all she wrote. FELICIA DAY: So close!

WIL WHEATON: Kingmaker. BRANDON LAATSCH: Dang it. FELICIA DAY: That was really good, though.

BRANDON LAATSCH: It was really close. FELICIA DAY: You did a really good job.

BRANDON LAATSCH: Really close. I needed to finish one more quest. WIL WHEATON: That is phenomenal for the first time you’ve played this game. BRANDON LAATSCH: It’s a good first round? WIL WHEATON: Yeah.

PAT ROTHFUSS: I really thought you had it. FELICIA DAY: Oh well. WIL WHEATON: Pat Rothfuss, I declare you the Lord of Waterdeep. Brandon, I’m really sorry you have to spend your birthday on the loser’s couch. FELICIA DAY: It’s not the best.

BRANDON LAATSCH: It’s not the best. WIL WHEATON: Felicia? FELICIA DAY: Yeah? WIL WHEATON: I’m glad you’re on the loser’s couch. FELICIA DAY: You know what?

Mandatory Quest is my new middle name for you. WIL WHEATON: Really? FELICIA DAY: Yeah. WIL WHEATON: I’m going on a mandatory quest to give Pat the victory that he earned with my help.

FELICIA DAY: We’re going to have a party, a birthday party, maybe.

BRANDON LAATSCH: [IMITATES BIRTHDAY NOISEMAKER] WIL WHEATON: Congratulations. PAT ROTHFUSS: Thank you. WIL WHEATON: You played like a monster. You played like a kingkiller. Thanks for watching.

We will see you next time on “TableTop.” And until next time, play more games. [HOOTING AND GROWLING].