Sheriff of Nottingham: Ashley Clements, Derek Mio & Meredith Salenger on TableTop
Many of us are familiar with the legend of Robin Hood. But, for those of you who haven’t been watching Dr. Who this season, here’s a brief primer. He and his band of Merry Men, including Friar Tuck and Little John lived in Sherwood Forest, where they’d rob from the rich, and give what they stole to the poor. No one ever talks about their operating expenses, which is weird to me.
Anyway, a lot of the rich people in the area, most notably Prince John, were decidedly not cool with this, so they enlisted the help of the local constabulary to stop Robin Hood, or at least cramp his magnificent singing, dancing, linclon green style. Today on TableTop, Ashley Clements, Derrick Mio and Meredith Salenger are here to join me on the outskirts of Sherwood Forest, where we will find out who among us can help Robin Hood by smuggling in the most contraband while also enriching ourselves as the most crafty and corrupt Sheriff of Nottingham. (upbeat music) Sheriff of Nottingham is a bluffing game designed by Brian Pope, Sergio Halaban and Andre Zatz. In Nottingham, we play the perfectly legitimate entrepreneurs trying to sell our totally ordinary goods to the fine people of the region.
We would never even consider smuggling contraband into the city to fuel the rebellion led by Robin Hood.
That notion good sir, and or madam, as your individual gender applies, is just preposterous. Preposterous, I say! Unfortunately, the sheriff is on the lookout, and he has set up his office at a border check, controlling what comes in and out of the city. But, luckily for us, the sheriff’s moral compass now only points to his ever-fattening coin purse. Bribing the sheriff is not only allowed, but it is completely encouraged, and it is the role-playing of this shakedown in the game that makes Sheriff of Nottingham so awesome.
Every turn, the sheriff announces that Nottingham is open for business, and he will be inspecting cargo coming into town. The sheriff’s position is indicated by this bloated, pompous piece of cardboard right here. Now, the players will load their merchant cart, represented by these colorful bags. Each player must declare how many goods they are bringing into town, and of what single type.
As an example, I have got these three wedges of cheese, I’d like to sell them in town.
I certainly don’t know where this crossbow came from, or how it wound up in my shipment. Now, we all know that this crossbow is illegal, because it’s marked in red, and I certainly should not try to sell it in town, but it’s worth as much as all of my cheese combined. So, I’m going to declare four cheese, and try to smuggle this crossbow past the checkpoint. All the merchants now place their goods into their sleeves, and they pass their bags over for inspection. Now look, I know the sheriff is very busy and has a taste for luxury.
So, I have included this uh, application fee of five dollars to speed along the inspection process. This is very easy money to the sheriff if he just looks the other way instead of inspecting the bag for undeclared goods. What do you mean, this is a bribe? This is a donation to the sheriff’s reelection campaign! And we all know that campaign contributions are protected free speech in the United States of Nottingham.
Thank you, Supreme Court. The players will try to use deception and bribery to get their illegal goods across the border checkpoint, and the sheriff will use intimidation and extortion to get money out of the players. Bribery versus extortion, awesome! Who will get thrown into the stocks for smuggling and who can convince the sheriff these aren’t the maladroits they’re looking for, return to their business and move along? Let’s find out in Sheriff of Nottingham.
– I’m Ashley Clements and I’m an actress best-known for starring in the Lizzie Bennet Diaries.
– My name is Derrick Mio, and I’m an actor. Fans of Geek & Sundry will recognize me as playing Elliot on the original series, Spooked. – My name is Meredith Salenger and I’m an actress. I have been on TableTop before, playing Quirkle and 12 Days, and I totally won and it was amazing, I had the best day ever.
– This is Sheriff of Nottingham. Normally the way you decide who goes first in Sheriff of Nottingham is by finding out who has the most money on their person, which I actually find kind of gross. So instead of doing that, we have these really cool dice, they’re like, see who goes first dice. They are mathematically distributed so that they cannot tie, and they’re 12-sided dice and they’re awesome. So I guess we’ll just roll them, and whoever has the high roll will go first.
I rolled a seven, Meredith rolled an eight, Ashley rolled a 44 and Derrick rolled a three. So umm, Ashley guess what, you get to be the sheriff first. – Great. – There you go. – A lot of pressure, being first.
There’s no precedent set up for how these negotiations are gonna go, you know, just gotta start sussing out how honest people are, or not. – So everybody go ahead and check out your hands and decide what we’re going to try to get into fabulous Nottinghamshiretownberg. (mischievous music) – So many green cards. – Oh, it’s a hand full of them! Nothing but green cards in my hand.
Yes. – Oh we’ll see, we’ll see. – I’m hoping that I can take advantage of the other players’ relative inexperience with this game on the first turn, to push them around a little bit. – Good sheriff, for all that you do, I would like to offer you three satchels of apples. To keep you healthy.
– Oh. – Uh, cuz I care about you. – Interesting, great, great declaration. – [Wil] Terrific, fantastic. And what will you be bringing across the border, madam?
– I, too have three satchels of apples. But because you are a fine lady sheriff, I shall give you some money with it. – Oh, interesting. – [Meredith] Just to say hello. – Just a hello.
– Just a hello. Hmm, little coin at the beginning, woman to woman, so that she can just step over me real quick and not even have to deal with it. – And you, sir? – Hello, sheriff.
I’m a little embarrassed to be crossing at the same time as these clearly inexperienced merchants who have never entered Nottingham before.
I’ve known Meredith since we were kids, but of the players at this table, I know Ashley the best, and I think I can get a pretty good read on her. In an effort to speed this process along, I would like you to know that I have two chickens in my bag, and I would just like to maybe speed up the application process a bit. – Interesting. Alright. So, this was three apples?
– It was. Forgive me but I forgot to add a little token of my loyalty. – Ugh, so ugly, copper coins on my hands. – I’m afraid your reputation isn’t great, and I just umm..
. – We just met! I don’t know what she’s referring to. – Derrick looks suspiciously like Robin Hood in all that get-up he’s wearing green, some familiar shapes..
. – No, I’ve been wearing those things for years now. Essentially, he stole my fashion. Yeah. – I uh, I’m afraid I’m gonna have to inspect, since you’re new in town.
I’m just gonna have to ummm, take a look. – Don’t know what forest you’re hanging out at, but okay. – I’ve already given you one, but to make you happy and to speed it along, as he says, I will put a five, woman to woman. – So it’s a better offer. – [Meredith] It’s a better offer.
– It is, and as you say, woman to woman.
– Yeah. – Ashley, girl power. Girls take care of girls. – I will let you pass.
– Yay. – Well hello, sheriff. – Hello, again. Hefty bribe for, right out of the gate. – I’m sorry, uh, maybe you misunderstood me.
Uh, this is, as of course you know, a fee to help speed along my application process. What happens to this fee once it leaves my possession is certainly none of my concern. – Hmm. – An expedition fee is of course a fee that is paid to someone who’s looking to upgrade themselves from a Ford Focus to a Ford Expedition. – Don’t let me see you making any trouble.
– I wouldn’t dream of it, sheriff! Would not dream of it, thank you very much. – Very nice, very nice. I really hope that this is not a bag of three apples. – It is.
– Ha ha, but! – [Derrick] But. – You may not bring these special apples into town. And therefore you may keep those and you may pay me three, which is– – Which is what I was willing to pay. – But I robbed you these four points.
– So uh, let’s see. – So do we show? – Yeah, we, huh, that’s weird, I wonder how that got in there? That was not there when I, no, that is absolutely not there when I put that in. So everything in your bag seems to have gone into your contraband file, that’s.
.. – I accidentally switched my two piles. – That’s so weird, I wonder how that happened, huh. – It was such a mistake.
– Well I guess we can go ahead and re-draw some cards here. Well welcome to the land of being a merchant. There’s a new sheriff in town, everyone. – I am the sheriff. And uh, your reputations have preceded yourselves.
This specific group of people have been very untrustworthy, and so I’m pretty confident that I’m gonna find some contraband. – I accidentally, the last time that I went to visit, I mixed up some things, and in fact I have three apples. – Just three apples.
– Just three apples to give to you. – Yeah, I’m just going to move this along very quickly.
I’ve got two apples in there. – I heard that, about you like to move things along quickly. – I do, I really do. I am in a quite a bit of a hurry. – Maybe too quickly.
– I have tickets to tonight’s butter churning. I’m really excited to see it, it’s at the tavern, the Dick & Pickle. The butter churning concert tonight is of course Mrs. Butter and the Worths. Listen, maybe I could just go ahead and get my ticket from you, instead of having to wait in line at the door, it’s just a thing to think about.
And I’ll step back and get out of the way, let these things speed along. – You don’t want good tickets, apparently. To the butter churning. – I was under the impression it was general admission. – I am but a humble baker, as you can see, and I am bringing four bushels of apples into town– – Four?
– To make my famous apple pie, which I hope you will come and sample. – Four bushels. – [Wil] A lot of apples, I’m just saying there’s an awful lot of apples being brought across this border, that is strange.
– [Derrick] Four bushels. – That is highly strange, considering apples are not in season.
I mean I’m just saying, I don’t want to talk out of turn. – I have a guy. – Any toppings to go with that apple pie? Is there any? – It comes with a delicious crust, you should come try it, it’s.
.. – And how much is the crust worth? – Uh, it’s worth four apples. – But the four apples are in the pie, but on top, the toppings.
..
– Just the crust, but have you had a pie before? It’s just some crust, bottom, top, apples in the middle. – One pence from my good people.
Everything I do for you, this is all that you’re willing to offer me? – We’d very much like to get out to the Dick & Pickle to get in line before the show starts. The Dick & Pickle serves whatever you want, you just have to know how to order it. – Please come back for pie. (laughing) – Three.
.. – [Meredith] Three apples. – Three apples. With nothing.
– With nothing. Because it’s just three apples. – I’m going to inspect all of you! For your insolence. – [Meredith] Oh my goodness.
– And disrespect. – [Wil] Alright. – Four apples in the purple bag? – No, no, three, just three.
– In the purple bag there’s one, there’s three apples.
(Ashley laughs) – So I think I get six… – I think six bucks are coming your way. – Six dollars from you, for me.
There we go. – Good sir? – [Wil] Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, two apples. – Two apples. – Yep.
– There’s two. – That’s right, uh, I understand it’s umm, a really lovely two pence floor tickets have opened up for tonight’s butter churning, so if you don’t mind. – Yes, yes. – [Wil] Oh, do you need some change? – Enjoy the uh, I do.
– [Wil] Here you go. – Provide the good sheriff with some change. – You’re supposed to just give him one back in change. – Competitive butter churning. – [Ashley] He needs to pay you for both apples.
– Oh, that’s right, excuse me. I’m so very sorry, my mistake, thank you for catching that. Just saying that I’ll remember this should we ever…
– Where are all these apples coming from?! – I have a guy, my apple guy! – [Wil] Oh dear, wow! – What is this, like a– – [Wil] A lot of apples.
. – A surplus of apples in the land? – You owe me eight dollars, and again, please do stop by for pie. (laughing) – Uh, you know, I took quite a hit. But, I think I can get through this.
– Hello, sheriff. – Well, hello. – I’m sure that you’re aware of all the apples that recently came into town.
– There’s so many apples! – Right, and I’ll tell you what goes really well with apples, delicious cheese.
– That is true. – Right? And uh, I have brought with me today four cheeses. – Four cheeses. – To go with the glut of apples– – That is a lot of cheese.
– That’s a lot of cheese. – I know it is, it is a lot of cheese. – I also have brought cheese to bake into the crust of my apple pie. – Huh, oh that’s odd. – But only three, a much more plausible number of cheese.
– It is more plausible. Right. And you, kind sir. – I’ve also given you three cheeses. – You, too have three cheeses.
– Oh, Jesus. – But unlike them, I’m going to offer you a little something. – It feels as though that is a bribe to not check your bag.
– I have to say, it looks like a bribe to me, too. – [Derrick] If that’s how you feel.
– I’ve seen bribes before. – Yeah, you’ve given them before. – I don’t know what you’re talking about. – As an honest merchant who would only ever bring in cheese, it seems a little suspicious. – It’s a bribe on simply three cheeses.
So I’m not going to accept your five. We’re gonna check that in a second. – Guys, trust me, okay? I wouldn’t lie. Scout’s honor.
– You say there’s three? – Three cheese. – That does seem plausible. – I bake it into the crust of the apple pie. – Almost too plausible.
– Too plausible? Well uh, could I make it too more plausible? – And that’s a bit suspicious that you’re giving me two when, hmm. – [Wil] Isn’t it? – Well, it is merely three cheese.
– Right. – Pretty sure it’s not three cheeses. – And yet it seems like it’s not. – So umm..
. – That’s all you’re gonna do? That’s fine. – Really all that’s worth my effort. – Right, I’m gonna give those back to you.
– The old switcheroo! – And I’m just gonna hold this right here and have a look at that in a second. And you, kind sir? – Finally. – Four cheeses.
– Yeah, I completely realized when these obvious liars are attempting to sneak not cheese past you claiming that cheese was in their bag, when we all know that the cheese is in fact, in my bag. – [Meredith] Correct. – [Wil] Right. – But four is a..
. – [Ashley] Four is a lot of cheese. – Four is a lot of cheese. – Four is a lot of cheese. – I don’t know, I feel like I’m gonna let it slide on this one.
– Thanks, sheriff! I appreciate that, thank you very much. It’s always a pleasure to do business with– – It is a pleasure.
– With people who understand the ways that business works. – So you said there were.
.. – I forgot. – [Meredith] You forgot? – [Wil] I believe he said there were three cheeses in there which we all know is ridiculous.
– There’s one cheese, there’s two cheese, ah, and yet there’s some mead. – No one likes getting caught smuggling any type of contraband, it’s embarrassing. Hopefully I can make it up to them by providing, you know, actual goods. – So he doesn’t get these back, these go here. – He does, he did declare cheese.
– I did declare cheese. – So you get to keep the cheese that you declared, yes. – Well let’s see what you’ve done. One cheese. – Just three cheese.
– [Meredith] And two mead. – I couldn’t remember what I put in there, I should have bribed you more.
– You get your cheese. And I get to confiscate two meads, but that’s gonna cost you eight. And it was a pleasure doing business with all of you.
– Let’s see, we’ve got a cheese. – [Meredith] Oh god, oh no. – And a cheese, huh? Wait a minute, that’s..
. Listen, you know how they say you should never leave your bags unattended… The finest mead in all of the shire.
That’s Nottingham shire for you. Is of course at the Dick & Pickle. And how do you think it’s gonna get there? This guy. – Now that you can be sheriff, we’ll see how you handle this.
– Alright, there’s a new sheriff in town everybody! And he’s me! Sheriff Tellsthetruth, that’s who I am. The title of Sheriff Always Tellsthetruth is passed down from sheriff to sheriff and is moved through the generations in a quick, easy manner.
Perhaps you’ve heard the term like (bleep) through a goose.
Well, the truth-telling of sheriffs moves through sheriffs like (bleep) through a goose. What do you have, Lady Breadsalot? – Sir Breadsalot, thank you. – I’m sorry, Sir Breadsalot. I did not see your mustache, I apologize to you, sir.
– My father was Sir Breadsalot and here I am, Sir Breadsalot II, Earl of Bread. – Well, again, in your bag you claim to have… – Three chickens, it could make a fine chicken pot pie.
– [Wil] Yes, it’s very interesting to me. This bag seems awfully still for having many chickens in it. – Hmm. – I expect movement in a bag filled with, how many? – Three.
– Three chickens, yes, that seems a bit strange to me, I wonder if somehow I could be distracted from the non-moving bag. – These are very shiny. – Hmmm. Perhaps something which glitters, hmm..
. – He’s a little biased against copper, I wonder if that’s actually a dig at my hair. It wouldn’t be the first time he disrespected the redhead. – Perhaps there’s some silver coin inside your bag.
– [Derrick] Good choice sheriff, good choice.
– Hello, sir! Sir, your money stack seems to be rather small. – Times are tough, and…
– I greatly enjoy your localized accent, sir! I just realized that you were from around these parts. – It is rubbing off on me, sir, it’s rubbing off on me and I’d like to just give you some three real chickens. – [Wil] Yes? – Not fake chickens like the previous person before me.
– I don’t believe this man has ever seen a chicken. – I don’t believe this man has ever seen anything that goes in a sack. – That is what she said, sir. (laughing) But good sir, open up that bag and you’ll see three real, actual chickens. – I’d rather not see anything in that bag.
Take it away. Hello, good lady. – Hello, just three loaves of bread, sire. – Three loaves of bread, eh? What type of bread is it again?
– It’s just loaves, sir. – How many breads? – Just three. – Just three loaves of bread, eh? – Three loaves, sir.
– I do enjoy eating bread. – Will’s very interested in what kind of bread. How many kinds of bread are there? Will has a little bit of a fetish about bread. – The thing about a nice warm loaf of bread is you can put your (bleep) in it.
For the sake of appearances, if perhaps a copper could land in my palm, and I could place it in my pocket– – I remember the last time… – All be done with this nasty business. – I remember you coming to my kingdom.
I wanted to remind Will how good I was to him when he came to visit me when I was sheriff. Do what you must. – Oh! – Sorry? – I’ve just recognized you.
– Yes! Remember me? – Oh I don’t recognize you without the clown suit on. Well very well, very well, go across. Let’s see what we have in your bag of, what was it again?
– Three chickens. – Three chickens, let us see here. – No pie for you. – A chicken, a chicken, whaaaat?!
– How, what, what is, what is that?! – This is not, this is most certainly not a chicken! – I don’t know how, one of my chickens must have died and– – And turned into silk. – And spun itself into silk.
That’s just science. – Very well, I will have to confiscate this and I will take a fine of four. – Unfortunately for you, four is all copper. – I would just like to show the good people how honest I have been. For future rounds and visits from other sheriffs.
– I too, was honest about my bread, my bread, my bread. – Oh, dear.
I may have miscalculated Meredith’s willingness to really push the contraband when I was sheriff, especially because she would not even bribe me. That was very well-played. Alright, we are now half-way through the game, at the end of this round, we will award the king’s prizes to everyone who has the most and the second most legit items, and then of course, contraband will score in its own way.
– I had called some people in that first round and it came back and bit me, so I’m back in the corner. – I’ve been living in uh, Nottingham for about a year now and have adapted some of the local customs. – And bacteria. – Well once you’ve spent a lot of time in town, you know, you just adapt to uh, how things are. I’ve seen some things.
– [Wil] Yeah, I get that. – I’ve seen chickens do things to chickens. – Oh, god, that sounds horrible. – Should not do. – Okay, looks like we’ve put all of our things in a bag, so.
– Oh, did we put our things in already? – Yeah.
– Oh, I didn’t. – Don’t believe this one’s innocence! She’s all, oh, what is math, how do I get into Nottingham?
And she’s gotten all this contraband through with her big doe eyes and I just want to take her down. – I’m so confused, I mean, I’m not confused. – I don’t know how to play the game! – Just put in what you’ve got, it’s like what? What’s there to be confused about?
– And it’s gonna win the game and I don’t see what’s happening. – Wait, I forgot what I just put in, actually. And I’m not pretending to be ditzy, I’m actually having a hard time with this game for some reason. I’m good now. Sorry.
– So what have we brought? – The only thing I’m trying to get past you are four loaves of bread. And I see that you quite enjoy your bread. – What else, people? To declare.
– Oh, I have apples. Three. Three apples. Three. – Well, this is a little awkward, uh, I also have three apples.
– Likely. So let’s see that’s four bread? – That’s all that’s in there and yes, that’s all you shall find. – Now is this bribe like because you’re, incredibly broke? – It’s a sign of my appreciation for all you do.
And if you’ll remember from last round… – [Wil] Yeah, good call, sheriff! – Now this is three apples you say?
– Yes. – Allegedly. – There’s nothing else in there. Nothing else I might find? – No, but you could check.
– Good, okay, and I will. – Unless! (laughing) I mean you could check, that’s really easy. Or I could give you something super shiny and pretty, and you could just say, you know what, move on. It’s annoying.
– (coughing) Load of crap! – And anyway, do what you must. – Do what you must. That’s five right there, that was five. That wasn’t one, that was five that you, I just want you to know.
Oh my goodness. – Anything you want to discuss with me? – Shoot. – You don’t sound as good as you did the last time I was here.
– I had a lot of medical costs.
My throat was burned in the fire of Sherwood Forest. – Yeah, no, I get that. – Smoke damage. I’ve noticed you’ve brought some contraband in in the past. – No, no no no this is umm, I’m holding this for a friend.
This is not mine, in fact, look, we’ll just put that, you don’t even need to look, you don’t need to look there. You can just count on these delicious apples in my bag. I tell you, there’s a wonderful baker in town, I wanna make sure she gets enough apples on account of how much I love and respect her. If she takes it, then I’m going to break even because I’ll get the same amount in contraband.
What I can do in the future, is add even more contraband.
I can go all contraband if I want to, pay the same amount, and maybe some other player will be thinking, oh he did that when he had eight, I’ll just go ahead and take this because it’s better for me. – You know, eight in the hand is worth, something in a bag. – Yeah. – So I will let you through. – Thank you sheriff, thank you!
– What was this supposed to be? I don’t know but there’s some bread in here. Four breads. – Four loaves of bread you’ll find in there. – Well here’s your bread that you may keep, and then I think you’re gonna have to pay me eight for all this spicy pepper.
– Spicy pepper! That would explain, that explains why I was sneezing so much! Earlier, before we got here. – I don’t know how that..
. – This guy, am I right? – I mean have you looked at him? He’s dressed suspiciously like someone else I know. – He wears the same things as me, it’s not me though.
It’s not me. Sick of this. – Well you may keep your apples, and…
I’m sorry, what is this crossbow doing in here? – What is that? – What?! Wait a minute, we have a strict no crossbow policy here in Nottingham, that is.
.. – Oh, yeah I was just slipping that crossbow in with the rest of the things, I’m trying to protect my little friend, Robin Hood. – Well I’ll just go ahead and reach into my bag here and put my entirely legitimate what?!
That’s weird, hmm. – I’m afraid after this disappointing outing I will have to give up my post to seek medical attention. – Oh sheriff, listen, go take a rest, you’ve earned it. (Ashley coughs) – Looks like we got a new sheriff in town.
– [Wil] New sheriff in town, yes, alright.
– Yer goshdarn right, there’s a new sheriff in town. – Oh goodness, we’ve come into south Nottingham. – El Paso Nottingham. – [Wil] Oh dear god. – I believe people from El Paso Nottingham immigrated over there and so that’s where you get that.
Let’s see what y’all got for me. – [Meredith] That’s for you. – That’s for me. – I actually don’t remember what I just put into my bag. Let’s just check one more time.
– Yeah, what are those? – Check because I forgot what I said I was gonna say they are.
– Those are two chickens, they’re just…
– Yes, two peppery, crossbowy chickens. – Two chickens. – Anything else you’d like to disclose? – That’s it, moving on, that’s all. Onto your friend, onto my friend to my left.
– Why does no one ever tip me? – Hello, sheriff. I can’t help but see that you seem to have fallen on some bad times, sir. – That’s right. – And as a friend to law enforcement, I have three loaves of bread and in order to just sort of like speed along the bread process, I thought that perhaps I could pay a tax on each loaf of bread, if you would just maybe handle that with the tax collector for me, because as I said, I’m very interested in getting to my seat at the butter churning concert.
– The butter churning thing. – Yes, thank you, thank you sheriff, thank you very much. I’m almost like a deadhead but for butter. My dream is to retire to the Land o Lakes. – Well I’ll take that under consideration.
And I’ll see what else I’m being offered here.
– I have three apples, as you may have heard. – Anything else, apple pie, you’re still not putting any toppings on your gosh darn apple pie. – [Wil] It’s so odd how no one here seems to understand how the taxes work in this town. – I understand that you’re very poor.
I also understand that umm, some people prefer silver? In this neck of the woods? – Why are you giving him anything if there’s actually, what is it, what’s in there? – Apples. – How many apples?
– Three. – Three apples. – Listen, sheriffs occasionally need nice shoes. – They do, in which case, I’m letting you know to not check it, because if you check it, you’re gonna have to pay me, you don’t have a lot of money to pay me.
So, that’s why I’m not giving you anything because there’s nothing to give to bribe you.
So, two chickens. – She’s incredibly good at math all of a sudden. – It’s all of a sudden. – I’m gonna let you slide with your chickens. – Thank you.
– Three pence? – Yes, one for a loaf of bread, to cover the, I’m confident that you could take it to the tax collector. – Even if he thinks I have contraband, I hope that I can sell it enough that I’m telling the truth, so that he decides I can’t risk losing half my stack on this guy telling the truth. – I’m a desperate sheriff. I’m gonna have to go and take my chances.
– Well now, before you take that bag away from me sir, maybe I could help you out. It occurs to me that every now and then, on your way to the tax collector that you might want to stop for a sandwich of some sort. I hear there’s a lovely apple pie bakery in town. So perhaps, just let me buy you lunch. – Well I do like dessert, I do like dessert with my lunch.
What I would have is a meat pie for lunch, and then for dessert, I’d have another meat pie cuz I like pie. – I’m fairly certain that eight coins could very well cover anything that might find itself, uh, you know, sort of around. I wouldn’t mind– – I’ve heard about you butter churner and I’m searching your satch. – Alright. And that really didn’t go the way I wanted it to go.
– Uh, I will tell you, that if you open that, you will not benefit as much as if you take those five pence. – Your pupils are dilating. (Ashley laughs) That’s a sign that you’re fibbing. – [Wil] I don’t understand this math that I keep hearing about. – I don’t believe you.
– [Meredith] Wow, he’s checking all three, checking all three. – Except yours. – [Meredith] Oh, except for mine! – Oh hohoho, there are apples but one of them is contraband. – Three apples, I lied not at all, not one bit.
– You didn’t lie but I still get to keep that.
– You told the technical truth. – I said I had apples, all I had was apples. Some of them for completely ridiculous reasons are not considered legal, but they’re still apples. – Let’s see about you, butter churner.
– [Wil] Dr. Butter Churner, I didn’t go to medical school for 15 years , what?! – What is this? – [Wil] What, it’s some apples.
– Slide me some burnt bread. – Oh, goodness, huh, that’s weird. What, why would anyone bring burnt bread in? That’s strange. Dammit.
Damn, damn, damn, damn, dammit. – Wow. – [Wil] Why don’t you open up your bag, lady? – [Derrick] Yeah, let’s see what you got. – Oh, me?
Oh, well I always tell the truth.
And I said there were two chickens. And those are two chickens, people. – Two chickens. – Alright, people.
I’m the new sheriff. Put your stuff in your bags and hand it on over. – I’m looking around and realizing that people don’t seem to have a lot of legal goods and that I might be able to score a lot in the bonus points, just by having a few of each of the legal goods. – Your contraband is only worth what’s printed on the contraband.
If you get lucky you get like 50 points for all your contraband, but if no one’s challenging you in chickens or bread of something like that, you can really easily just grab an extra 15, 20, 30, 40 bucks at the end of the game, and you’ve never really risked anything.
– I can discard anything in my hand, can I not? – [Wil] That’s true. – Because I don’t want this contraband. – [Wil] No, who does? – Now I don’t want these apples, but I do want this chicken and I understand that I have to take them both I do understand that.
So I will be taking– – So what do you need, two more cards? – I do need two more. – So you do have contraband that I know of in your hand. – I do, but only out of necessity in order to get my chickens. – And you want the chicken because.
.. – Because I could be the chicken, well, king, actually. – [Meredith] Well, you could be. – I could be.
– Here you are, sheriff. – Just, easy like that? – Easy. – What is it? – Umm.
.. Apples, apples. – How many? – Three.
– Three apples? – Three apples. – Okay. – Yep. – Sheriff, I’m not gonna lie to you, I did not have a good time the last time I came into Nottingham.
I’m just bringing in some cheese in the hopes that I can squeak out of here as head cheesemonger and that’s it. – That’s it? – That’s it, I have three cheeses. – You have three cheeses. – That’s all I have, I put three cheeses, here’s my three non-cheese cards.
– And three cheeses. – Three cheeses, yeah. – Okey dokey. And you don’t feel like putting anything on top.
– I don’t need to because I’ve learned something recently.
Apparently my ability to uh, what’s the word I’m looking for? – Bribe. – Bull (bleep) the (bleep) out of people– – Ooooo! – Has been uh..
. – There’s a swearing tax! There’s a swearing tax, you guys put one down, one down, one down. I’m around little kids a lot, so if you swear, it’s a big no-no, so when Will swore, I was like, (gasp) this is not okay! Oh my goodness gracious!
– I really can’t, I really can’t. – Oh my god, okay, I’m gonna have to move on from that real quick. – I’m putting in two chickens, cuz I’m probably not playing aggressively enough. (laughing) – So you’re just putting in two chickens? – Yeah.
– You wanna be the chicken king. – I just wanna be chicken king. – Okay. – That’s all I want. I’m gonna lose the game but I’ll have a crown made of chickens.
My chicken king coronation outfit will of course include my crown of chickens and my feather robes, and then I have a necklace made of chicken feet.
– One more time, what’s in here? – Two chickens. – And you’ve got? – I have three cheeses.
– You have three cheeses. – And that is all. – Three apples. – You have three apples. And you have?
– Three cheeses. – Three cheeses. And you have two chickens, I’m gonna just check yours real quick. – Okay, good, I’m glad. – [Meredith] Are you glad?
– I’m really glad, cuz I could also use the money. – You could use the money? Because you have two chickens. (laughing) – I’m very afraid to try to get any contraband through, I’m not a very good liar. – And this is yours with your three apples.
And if you didn’t want me to check it… – I would pay you. – You would pay me?
– Right, I’d bribe you, yeah. – So you’d like me to check it. – [Wil] Such ugly language. – No, I, there’s no need to check it. – I will do whatever you tell me to do.
If you tell me to check it, I’ll check it, if you tell me not to, I will not.
– You should check it. – I should check it? – Yeah. – I should check it?
– Yeah. – Because you have three apples? – Yeah. (laughing) A very generous sheriff over here. – I’m just saying, I honor my word.
Here’s six for you, that’s really fun. And you get to keep your apples. Lookit, everybody gets everything. Everybody but me. – She called both of them, they were both telling her the truth.
I’m in a fantastic position right now, I wish I had stuffed my bag with a thousand crossbows. You’re not having a good day. And I don’t want to add to that. – Will is very convincing to me, I cannot figure out if he’s telling the truth or lying, and he seems so sincere. I’m believing Will.
I’m believing him. This is so upsetting. – But if he didn’t want you to check, he’d be saying, go ahead check it, cuz he’d get money from you. – No, he’s doing a good job, whatever he’s doing is doing. He’s doing it really well.
I too, will do whatever you tell me to do.
If you want me to check it, I’ll check it. – I don’t want you to open that bag and have a bad day. – Then you can go. – Okay, thank you.
Thank you very much. – [Ashley] For no bribe even. – Thank you. – What’s you get in there? Please tell me no contraband.
I’m gonna die! – Look at that! – I’m having such a good day, oh, it was a good…
– I believed everything you were saying, it was so good, especially, ah, this is the worst. – He’s the cheese king. – My heart is broken, I was on such a roll. – [Wil] I’d love to be the cheese king, I love being the cheese king! – You’re the cheese king.
– Speaking of being the cheese king, well hello, everyone, welcome to Nottinglandtown. – There’s that mead again. – [Wil] It’s good to see you all again! I am of course, ahem, I am of course Sheriff Tellsthetruthalot, and I thought that perhaps it would be in everyone’s best interests to speed this process along for a mere, 10 bucks.
A person sneaking one item of contraband in is never gonna pay 10 dollars to me, but someone sneaking two, maybe three, very likely will, cuz they’re still making out ahead, and I don’t care because I’m gonna get 30 bucks, which is gonna be more in aggregate than whatever they all sneak through.
I will let the bags go by, and we can all be on our way to tonight’s delightful butter churning contest, yes, mm-hmm. Don’t even (bleep) mention margarine to me. Margarine’s for dicks. – I uh, am very happy to say, that I have four bread.
– Hmmm.
– Four bread, bread king. – Seems like someone here might want me to open a bag. Hmm, hello, yes, welcome, come on. – How you doing Sheriff? – I’m good, step up, chop chop, let’s go!
– Three cheeses. – Really? – Three cheeses. – Really, three cheeses? – Absolutely.
– You think that you can just come in here and be king cheese all of a sudden, the big man, the top cow, the– – Sheriff, you obviously have that covered, I’m not trying to be king of nothing. – The Reddit master, really? You’re not trying to take it past with maybe having one more cheese than someone else around here? – No.
– Hmmm, right, and what do you have?
– I, too have four cheeses. – Really? – I mean, I’m sorry did I say cheese, I meant bread. I have four breads, sorry. (laughing) No, no, I just got all excited when she said four breads and then he said cheese, that’s why I said cheese.
But I have four, I too have four breads! Look I put my little thing on bread right there. – Oh, what I had hoped would be a quick, simple, easy, quick greasing of my palm, a simple border crossing has now turned into an interrogation. – Sorry, sorry! – I cannot believe not a single player took me up on my expedited thing.
These guys clearly don’t have TSA pre-check. I’m not gonna lie. You don’t impress me much. (laughing) There’s one cheese king in this town, sir, and it’s me! – You shall be the cheese king, sir.
– I could let this bag go by. But I have to somehow make it all right.
– I will give you one of the cheeses in there. – Really? Trading out of the bag when you’re trying to bribe the sheriff can be a really great move, because you don’t have to honor it if you don’t have in the bag what you claim to have in the bag.
A lot of sheriffs will take that deal because they’re thinking great, I’m gonna get points for having whatever that item is, and now I have a chance at the King’s bonus as well.
I’ll take a cheese and two coppers. – A cheese and two coppers. – Yes. – Oh, sheriff, I don’t have much to work with, do I?
– Put it on the bag. (laughing) – Oh my! Are you spitting on the table, Will, eww. Oh, my. – Very well, I’ll take your cheese.
– Thank you, sir. – I will not need to look in your bag. And you, madame. – I want to be the bread queen, and if I have four and I give you two of my breads, then you’ll have two, and I’ll still be the bread, I just wanna be the bread queen. – Then why would you give away your bread?
– Right, and why would you bring so many bread across? Just a moment, I need my thinking cup.
– Oh, no. – Oh, no, I don’t like the thinking cup. It’s very frightening.
The thinking cup is very frightening. His thinking cup. – Alright, I’ll take your two breads. – Right, that means I get to keep this? – Yes.
– Right. – Now you, Red. – I have four bread, I’m gonna be bread king. – Wait, you have four breads? – I have four bread, I’m gonna be bread king.
– We’ve come back around, you forgot, you didn’t play the dangerous game. – But I don’t believe that she’s got four bread, so that’s why. – Nor do I. – I think I can be the bread queen. – I hope you’re lying to me.
– There’s contraband, there’s contraband. – What are we gonna do? – I really hope you’re lying to me. – There’s contraband, there’s contraband. – Oooo, it’s heavy now.
– Open that bag and show me contraband. Please show me contraband in that bag, come on. – So you’re checking, wait, does this mean you’re checking– – I’m not, I’m not doing it, I’m not doing it.
But please show me contraband, please show me, come on. Come on, yes!
Alright. – And how many breads? Four breads. – Open your bag. Your bag is free, it’s safe, it’s clear.
Good lord, man! I am not a good sheriff, open your bag, madam. – Did I say I had bread? – You did. – Is that a bread?
– It is. – Is that a bread? – It is. – Awesome. (laughing) – No no, you said you would give him bread.
That was part of your– – That was how I was gonna get two breads. – But I was lying. – No, that’s binding. – Oh, it is? – He doesn’t have to give him any, what was it, cheese, because he has no cheese.
But you have bread, so you owe him whatever bread you promised him. – That’s not what I thought. – Did you promise him two breads? – I did. – It seems that a life of crime is not cut out for you, madam.
– Oh, that’s so upsetting. – Ladies and gentleman, it is now time to score. (mischievous music) Tell us again how many Nottingham bucks you got without pulling any contraband through? – No contraband! – 171, I did bring in one contraband apple.
– That’s true, that’s true. – I did bring in one contraband, but I was the king of almost all the things. – You were. – Except cheese. – So, what this teaches us, kids, is that crime didn’t pay today.
– But it usually does.
– Sometimes. – Sometimes it does. I’ll see you guys over on the losers’ couch. I’ll see if I can smuggle some mead or something over there so it’s not as bad for us.
Congratulations. – I just, you know, it’s actually kind of exciting to lose, cuz I’ve never really done it before. – Well now you have. – Hi, Wil! – Hey, Wil.
– You know, it’s funny you mention that, because I was thinking how last season on TableTop, you won. – I did win. – I know, it was amazing, right? – It was the most incredible win. – This year, the winners get to keep the trophy.
(Meredith gasps) – What, no, I got to keep my certificate, it was so great I got it with a little red, with a crossed-out champion of equestrian, whatever I was, I don’t know. I won a trophy. – Ashley Clements, it is my honor to present to you, the TableTop trophy of awesome! – For cricket. – That’s exactly what it is, yes!
Uh, let me engrave your name on it for you.
(Will making growling sounds) – Going to put it on my– – Mind your hands. Alright. There you go, that is for you, would you like to make a victory speech? – Oh, uh, yes, I would like to thank my parents for raising me right, teaching me to be honest, which is how I won this game, and for Will for believing me when I lied, even though I was being honest.
– I am not good at sussing out people who lie. Congratulations. Thank you very much for watching, thanks for subscribing, and until next time on TableTop, play more games!
