Star Wars X-Wing: Seth Green, Clare Grant, and Mike Lamond Join Wil on TableTop SE2E09

Star Wars X-Wing: Seth Green, Clare Grant, and Mike Lamond Join Wil on TableTop SE2E09

Star Wars X-Wing: Seth Green, Clare Grant, and Mike Lamond Join Wil on TableTop

Pretty much every kid from my generation saw the original “Star Wars” in theaters. As we grew up, we watched it on cable. We watched it on VHS, Beta, laserdisc, video disc, puppet shows, cartoons, animated Daguerreotype, Viewmaster, Smell-O-Vision. Point is, “Star Wars” was a big deal when we were kids. We played with the action figures.

We read the comic books. We made the models. And we always dreamed of one day piloting the “Millennium Falcon,” an X-wing or a TIE fighter. Today on TableTop, Seth Green, Clare Grant, Husky StarCraft, and I will get a chance to make those childhood dreams come true.

We will find out if the Force is with us when we grab the controls for ourselves in Star Wars: X-Wing.

Star Wars: X-Wing is a tactical miniatures combat game designed by Jay Little and set in the “Star Wars” universe. There’s two teams, the Empire and the Rebel Alliance. Every turn is a sequence of moving and shooting, repeating until one side wins the game. To move, you choose a course, lock it in secret into your navigation computer, and then reveal. We move and shoot according to pilot skill.

Low numbers always move first and shoot last. High numbers always shoot first and always move last. For example, this TIE fighter pilot will always move first and shoot last. But Han Solo will always move last and shoot first. Han Solo always shoots first.

After we have moved our ships, we find out if we are in a targeting arc with this handy little targeting arc identifier guy. It’s a highly technical term. We place it at the base of our ship, find out if it’s in the firing arc. Oh, look, Han Solo is in trouble. No, he’s not– he shoots first!

Han Solo can now shoot at this TIE fighter. We roll red dice for attack and green dice for defense. Wow, that was a really good attack. Clearly not by me during gameplay. Every pilot and ship has its own special abilities.

We’ll explain those as they come up in gameplay.

Let’s find out who the Force is with today and play Star Wars: X-Wing. CLARE GRANT: My name is Clare Grant, and I am an actress. MIKE LAMOND: Hello, my name is Mike Lamond, better known online as Husky. I’m definitely known in the gaming world, at least “StarCraft,” for being a shoutcaster for that game and really doing anything nerdy related that I can.

SETH GREEN: My name is Seth Green, and I am an entertainer. WIL WHEATON: Now I am playing two TIE fighter pilots. I’m playing a guy named Academy Pilot, sort of the “Star Wars” version of a redshirt, which is appropriate. And then I’m also playing Mauler Mithel, who is a slightly more veteran TIE fighter pilot. And who are you playing?

MIKE LAMOND: I’m going to be playing Boba Fett, man. He’s got his fancy ship over here. And I’m going to be quoting all my favorite Boba Fett lines, which is nothing, because he doesn’t talk. WIL WHEATON: He does a lot of nodding, right? MIKE LAMOND: That’s true.

I’m currently playing as Boba Fett, who does not get enough face time or helmet time in the original movies.

So I’m here to make a good name for him and show that he can still kick ass. WIL WHEATON: And who are you, Seth? SETH GREEN: Luke Skywalker. WIL WHEATON: Right on.

SETH GREEN: Yeah, so I’m probably preoccupied with– WIL WHEATON: Oh, I’m sorry, of the Tattooine Skywalkers? SETH GREEN: Yeah, yeah. WIL WHEATON: I actually know a guy who was fired from Tosche Station because Luke Skywalker never showed up to pick up the power converters he ordered for him.

SETH GREEN: Oh, he’s always running his mouth off, putting stuff on layaway. WIL WHEATON: I love “Star Wars” so much.

It was such an incredibly important part of my childhood and the engagement of my nerd imagination that when the ’90s happened and some movies were made, I really wanted the “Men in Black” history eraser thing to be real. SETH GREEN: Who are you, Clare? CLARE GRANT: Han Solo, obviously. WIL WHEATON: Right. CLARE GRANT: Right.

WIL WHEATON: Right, obviously. And you’re flying the “Millennium Falcon.” CLARE GRANT: Yes, the best and fastest ship ever. WIL WHEATON: How fast did the “Millennium Falcon” do the Kessel Run? SETH GREEN: Well, it’s actually not how fast it was, but the shortest measure of distance.

I think it was under 12 parsecs. WIL WHEATON: That is the correct answer. I set you up for a trick question. SETH GREEN: That ain’t going to work. WIL WHEATON: I know.

Of all the people in the world to pick a “Star Wars” fight with, these are the worst ones.

SETH GREEN: My knowledge of “Star Wars” is, I’d say, above average. WIL WHEATON: We’re playing a scenario where we are trying to get these containers to cruise through the edge of this asteroid field, down here past this little satellite thing that we’ve decided is a goal line. And if that happens, we win. We have to get two of the three down there to win.

Now at the same time, Seth and Clare are trying to either completely blow us up out of the sky and stop us, which is good for them– SETH GREEN: That’s the move. WIL WHEATON: –or use the “Millennium Falcon’s” tractor beam to capture two of the three and smuggle them back over the line. SETH GREEN: And that’s really the goal of the game. WIL WHEATON: Yeah. What we’re going to do is set up sort of where we’re going to go first.

So we need to set up our containers– MIKE LAMOND: Yes, what did you have in mind? WIL WHEATON: And decide how we’re going to get them through. So I have two ideas. We can either sort of put them together– MIKE LAMOND: I think that’s a pretty good setup.

WIL WHEATON: We’ll do that?

All right. So, let’s see. MIKE LAMOND: We’re going to put Boba over here somewhere? WIL WHEATON: Yeah. I’ll pull these guys back like that.

For those of you following along at home, which I imagine is most of you, the containers will move on the very first move action. They will move with a move distance of two or more, depending on how close they are to ships. I’m sure our amazing editors will put up a graphic maybe now. [CASH REGISTER CHA-CHING] WIL WHEATON: So let’s go ahead and get started. We’ll put in our– lock in our moves.

He’s gonna go there, and then this guy– we got this guy here. OK, all right. OK. MIKE LAMOND: He’s gonna do that. WIL WHEATON: All right.

So let’s go ahead and reveal what’s going to happen here.

All right. So Academy Pilot one, his pilot skill is one, so he’s going to move first. He’s going to do a slow turn two, just a gentle two, sort of like this. CLARE GRANT: Oh.

WIL WHEATON: He’s going to go wo-ow, OK? MIKE LAMOND: Now Academy Pilot does know the enemies are over there, right? WIL WHEATON: Yes, he does know that. He knows exactly that. MIKE LAMOND: Just making sure he’s got control of his own fighter.

WIL WHEATON: He’s got a plan. He’s got a plan. Also, containers move now. They should have moved first. Welcome to TableTop, where Wil messes up on the first turn.

SETH GREEN: I’ve seen worse. WIL WHEATON: And now Mauler is going to move straight forward, four. Waaaah, that’s the noise a TIE fighter makes, right? And that’s the end of my– MIKE LAMOND: Right, so that’s seven. WIL WHEATON: –movement action, seven.

So– MIKE LAMOND: I believe Luke has an eight, too. WIL WHEATON: I think Luke has an eight. SETH GREEN: Yeah, I have an eight. WIL WHEATON: And Boba Fett has an eight.

MIKE LAMOND: Yeah, so we just kinda– WIL WHEATON: So you guys sort of move simultaneously.

MIKE LAMOND: –dish them out at the same time. WIL WHEATON: So where are you going? SETH GREEN: I’m just going to go four straight ahead. [SPACE ENGINE NOISES] SETH GREEN: In our minds, every one of these ships is like a “Fat Albert” clunker that’s just barely limping along. [SPACE ENGINE NOISES] MIKE LAMOND: Is that the sound we agreed on, or is that the dying horse we were talking about?

WIL WHEATON: No, that’s it. CLARE GRANT: I’m going to go four straight ahead. WIL WHEATON: Yep. Seems to be a popular choice right now. SETH GREEN: All the kids are doing it.

CLARE GRANT: Yeah, but I also get to go a little bit ahead of you. WIL WHEATON: Yeah, because you got your bonus, right? Yeah, so you can move– CLARE GRANT: Beep.

SETH GREEN: Is it one? WIL WHEATON: Yeah, you gotta measure it.

CLARE GRANT: You want me to use my one stick? WIL WHEATON: All right. So that’s the end of the first phase of the thing. That’s our first move. I don’t think anybody’s in combat range, right?

MIKE LAMOND: I don’t think so. It’s getting close. WIL WHEATON: Yeah, no. All right, so let’s go ahead and do our second round of movements. SETH GREEN: We like being next to each other.

MIKE LAMOND: Oh, there you go. CLARE GRANT: Just like that. MIKE LAMOND: They’re using a very interesting technique here. CLARE GRANT: Just like that. MIKE LAMOND: It’s kind of throwing me off.

CLARE GRANT: Han Solo can shoot at a 360-degree angle all around his ship, which most people don’t get. Most people just get like a quarter of that, which is fine. But that just makes me better. MIKE LAMOND: You can either focus, or you can lock on. CLARE GRANT: I’m focusing.

WIL WHEATON: Yeah, good call. CLARE GRANT: I’m focusing. WIL WHEATON: Good choice. Focus on it. CLARE GRANT: Boom.

WIL WHEATON: Yep. MIKE LAMOND: All right, so she’s concentrating. WIL WHEATON: So go ahead and do your attack. So you get three attack dice. CLARE GRANT: I can attack first because obviously, I’m Han Solo.

WIL WHEATON: And Han Solo always shoots first. CLARE GRANT: Always. SETH GREEN: Always, MIKE LAMOND: Always. WIL WHEATON: Always.

MIKE LAMOND: He did the barrel roll, huh?

WIL WHEATON: Yeah, he did the barrel roll so he can’t do the free evasion. MIKE LAMOND: Can’t– whoa! Actually– WIL WHEATON: That looks like– MIKE LAMOND: What? WIL WHEATON: That looks like four hits if you choose to move up your focus. So that’s going to be four hits and two dodges.

So are you going to use your focus to turn this into a hit or for use on a further turn? CLARE GRANT: [SINGING] I’m going to hit you.

WIL WHEATON: OK, go ahead. Turn it up. Yep, good move, good move.

OK. [LASER SOUNDS] SETH GREEN: That’s one of my favorite ringtones. MIKE LAMOND: I’m just going to do a regular attack. But I’m not going to use my target yet because I have a master plan here. WIL WHEATON: All right.

CLARE GRANT: Oh. WIL WHEATON: How many guns do you fire? MIKE LAMOND: I think it’s three, yeah? WIL WHEATON: You can fire three? You’re firing three?

MIKE LAMOND: All right, three. WIL WHEATON: And you’re shooting on the “Millennium Falcon”? MIKE LAMOND: I’m going to go for the big one. We’re going to try and go out with a bang here. WIL WHEATON: He’s shooting you, Clare.

CLARE GRANT: I’m not worried about this. WIL WHEATON: And your defense is one. MIKE LAMOND: Ah, see? WIL WHEATON: Boba Fett, what’s going on? MIKE LAMOND: I know.

Does he ever attack in the movies? WIL WHEATON: As a character, Boba Fett doesn’t really do anything. But he looks really cool.

MIKE LAMOND: All right. So I just rolled the one.

WIL WHEATON: Pew pew pew! Pew pew pew! MIKE LAMOND: So that’s going to be– so she actually gets hit. WIL WHEATON: So you actually get hit. Clare, you lose a shield.

CLARE GRANT: Wait. WIL WHEATON: Doing more just now than he did in all three movies. CLARE GRANT: Wait, OK. WIL WHEATON: Luke, I assume you’re going to be doing some kind of shooting? SETH GREEN: Ooh.

I’m gonna shoot that guy. WIL WHEATON: You’re gonna shoot that guy? All right. So he’s got– MIKE LAMOND: All right. Bold move.

WIL WHEATON: Yep, so Academy Pilot has three defense, and he’s focused, so that’s good.

SETH GREEN: I would never attack Wil in the street or in public or in his home. But on this game board, yeah, I’m gonna decimate him. CLARE GRANT: No! MIKE LAMOND: Oh, but he can!

WIL WHEATON: And I’m focused. That’s gonna be two dodges. And this guy’s like, nope. MIKE LAMOND: And he got two promotions for performing that maneuver. WIL WHEATON: Yeah.

SETH GREEN: Damn it.

WIL WHEATON: He’s now promoted to a rookie, 11th class. SETH GREEN: His parents are really proud. WIL WHEATON: They’re super proud of him. SETH GREEN: [IMITATING ELDERLY JEWISH WOMAN] I always dreamed that you would be a rookie– class– do you– are you in a ship for real?

WIL WHEATON: Mom, stop it! MIKE LAMOND: I’ve gotta go, Mom. You’re embarrassing me. WIL WHEATON: Be quiet! We’re trying to go and shoot down the Rebels.

SETH GREEN: That’s my son! He’s in the ship that just dodged Luke Skywalker! That boy’s the prophecy. WIL WHEATON: Oh, I forgot to attack. MIKE LAMOND: Man, I gotta keep you on track here.

We’re giving them a freebie. All right. WIL WHEATON: Oh, that’s a critical hit. MIKE LAMOND: That’s a critical– oh, and his focus– WIL WHEATON: And he’s already focused. I critical hit you, Luke Skywalker.

SETH GREEN: Damn it! MIKE LAMOND: This is where R2 goes, wah! SETH GREEN: [IMITATING ELDERLY JEWISH WOMAN] Did you see? My son shot Luke Skywalker.

He complained all day.

WIL WHEATON: Lose a shield, Luke Skywalker. SETH GREEN: Single shield? WIL WHEATON: Single shield. SETH GREEN: Oh, but I need those. MIKE LAMOND: We’re breaking those shields in, though.

We got two. WIL WHEATON: Yeah. No, you don’t get to have it. I took it away with my guns. SETH GREEN: Damn it.

I wanted that. WIL WHEATON: All right. Now Mauler is within one of the “Millennium Falcon.” CLARE GRANT: No! WIL WHEATON: So– MIKE LAMOND: Do you wanna team up on that?

WIL WHEATON: Yeah.

So he’s going to shoot. He is mad at you. You shot at him. CLARE GRANT: No.

WIL WHEATON: And he’s like, you don’t understand. I’ve been a TIE fighter pilot for three days. I’m about to retire. And he’s pissed about it. MIKE LAMOND: He’s getting too old for this.

WIL WHEATON: Yeah, so Mauler is gonna shoot you, and because he’s within distance one, he gets an extra attack die. And– CLARE GRANT: I only get one defense die. WIL WHEATON: Yeah. CLARE GRANT: I can’t dodge because my ship is big and doesn’t move as nimbly as the other ships. WIL WHEATON: OK, ready?

That’s good. So that’s two hits for two shields.

CLARE GRANT: Aw. MIKE LAMOND: Just rake them over here in our shield pile. CLARE GRANT: I’ll put it in my shield pile.

MIKE LAMOND: But we know it belongs over here, so that’s OK. WIL WHEATON: OK, all right, so it’s a new round. It’s a new round, new actions. So let’s go ahead and just look at what we’re going to do here. I’m thinking– He hates his life so much right now.

I might do that. CLARE GRANT: I just really want to obliterate this guy. MIKE LAMOND: Oh, Limpy. WIL WHEATON: You’re going to shoot at Limpy? I can really tell that Clare wants to come to the dark side.

SETH GREEN: Wait, let me just ask one question.

Because Limpy has so little left, this guy has more left. It may make sense for us to put more damage onto something else. WIL WHEATON: That’s true. And he’s in stress.

MIKE LAMOND: That’s within one, yeah? WIL WHEATON: You could theoretically waste time on this shot. SETH GREEN: Ooh. WIL WHEATON: That’s really good news. MIKE LAMOND: That’s what we needed.

WIL WHEATON: Academy Pilot. Guess what? MIKE LAMOND: Dude double dodged so far. WIL WHEATON: Yep, double dodged. You are now officially rookie, 13th class.

CLARE GRANT: I hate you, Academy Pilot. SETH GREEN: Rookie of the year. WIL WHEATON: Academy Pilot has a Han Solo trading card inside his cockpit. He just wants to impress you. SETH GREEN: Oh my gosh, i can’t believe that’s Han Solo!

WIL WHEATON: I can’t believe Han Solo’s shooting at me? SETH GREEN: Did you see that, Han Solo? We could be boys! MIKE LAMOND: Do you think I should use my targeting computer? You’re Obi-Wan.

I’m flying in. WIL WHEATON: Dude, I don’t know. CLARE GRANT: He’s not Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan. would not be for the dark side.

SETH GREEN: [IMITATING OBI-WAN KENOBI] I’m sorry, did someone say my name? I was busy in the trash, trying to find something to eat. WIL WHEATON: Hey, I’m a creepy old man. Why don’t you come out to my house in the middle of the desert– SETH GREEN: Let me play with your nephew. WIL WHEATON: –and play with things.

SETH GREEN: Your father said it was OK for you to be here. He’s in the hospital right now. WIL WHEATON: That escalated quickly. SETH GREEN: You should ignore us. MIKE LAMOND: I’ve been thinking the whole time, so this is great.

WIL WHEATON: Yeah? OK, so what do you think? MIKE LAMOND: So with the targeting computer, I get to re-roll any dice that I want. WIL WHEATON: Yeah? MIKE LAMOND: No, I’ll just roll and see what happens.

WIL WHEATON: Are you going to use your homing missiles? Or you have to be within one? MIKE LAMOND: Oh, that’s right. That’s what it is.

That’s the trap card right there.

OK. So I get to roll four if I use that. WIL WHEATON: Yeah, and you’re target locked, so the defender cannot spend evade tokens during this attack. MIKE LAMOND: So we’re doing that. CLARE GRANT: And Clare, you’re going to be rolling one defense.

MIKE LAMOND: Oh, here we go. I’m feeling good. CLARE GRANT: Oh, but I’m gonna defend it because I have a thing. WIL WHEATON: You can’t. CLARE GRANT: What?

But I have a focus. WIL WHEATON: No, but you didn’t roll an eye. CLARE GRANT: Oh right. WIL WHEATON: You didn’t roll an eyeball. MIKE LAMOND: So I think I get to re-roll– WIL WHEATON: You get to re-roll whatever you want because you’re target locked.

MIKE LAMOND: I’m also focusing. WIL WHEATON: Yeah. MIKE LAMOND: So I’ll– WIL WHEATON: Oh, what just happened? MIKE LAMOND: Did we hit a home run? WIL WHEATON: That focused, so why don’t you go ahead and turn that into a hit?

MIKE LAMOND: I’m feeling good.

This was a good call. WIL WHEATON: That was a good move. Guess what, Han Solo? Your shields are gone, and kapow!

Kapow! MIKE LAMOND: Nice. SETH GREEN: That was pretty intense. MIKE LAMOND: A lot of people say, Husky, you should take it easy. You’re here to make friends.

My only friend is victory, so I’m pretty proud of myself so far. WIL WHEATON: So Luke. MIKE LAMOND: Yeah, it’s Luke’s turn.

WIL WHEATON: Whatcha doing? SETH GREEN: I’ma shoot that guy.

MIKE LAMOND: I think Limp has learned he can’t actually hit the other guy. CLARE GRANT: Limpy’s within one. WIL WHEATON: Limpy’s way within one. CLARE GRANT: Limpy’s going down. WIL WHEATON: Limpy’s in trouble.

MIKE LAMOND: I’m going to use the Jedi and affect the dice. WIL WHEATON: Great. SETH GREEN: Thanks. MIKE LAMOND: I’m a horrible Jedi. SETH GREEN: I appreciate how well you affected me.

MIKE LAMOND: Oh– WIL WHEATON: Dodge, dodge. SETH GREEN: What? MIKE LAMOND: Wait, wait, is he focusing? [SWISHING NOISES] WIL WHEATON: He’s not focused. MIKE LAMOND: Oh, he can’t focus because he’s under stress.

WIL WHEATON: I’m all kinds of safe. MIKE LAMOND: You looped into a different game. CLARE GRANT: I don’t like this! WIL WHEATON: I am all kinds of safe.

SETH GREEN: You told us we would have fun, Wil!

CLARE GRANT: Ugh. WIL WHEATON: All right. OK. I’m just gonna shoot you know. That’s just what’s going to happen.

CLARE GRANT: No! WIL WHEATON: I’m gonna shoot you. This guy’s gonna shoot you. I don’t know if you’re within one. MIKE LAMOND: Now’s his chance.

WIL WHEATON: Uh-oh. You’re a one. MIKE LAMOND: Is that a one? WIL WHEATON: That’s a one. I’m actually pretty good at rolling eight-sided dice.

I don’t roll them very often. Mauler is going to shoot you three times. CLARE GRANT: No. MIKE LAMOND: What, two hits? WIL WHEATON: No, two hits, all right.

Don’t get greedy, Wheaton. Don’t get greedy, Wheaton. MIKE LAMOND: Does he get to roll evade? WIL WHEATON: You get to roll one evasion die.

So roll.

Oh, you evade. CLARE GRANT: God. WIL WHEATON: So you only take one hit. All right? CLARE GRANT: OK.

WIL WHEATON: Hey, guess what. Babow! MIKE LAMOND: What’s he down to now? CLARE GRANT: Five. WIL WHEATON: She’s down– CLARE GRANT: I’m down to five.

WIL WHEATON: So that is the end of that turn. Things have gotten very ugly here, very ugly indeed. MIKE LAMOND: I think it’s a beautiful thing. CLARE GRANT: I really don’t like this. WIL WHEATON: All right, so let’s go ahead and lock in our moves for– You are not on my team.

CLARE GRANT: Oh, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. WIL WHEATON: Go talk to your delightful husband, for christ’s sake.

CLARE GRANT: My delightful husband and I communicate via minds. Then I’m going to do this, guys.

WIL WHEATON: This packet is miserable. Oh! She’s in your blind spot, dude! MIKE LAMOND: No! WIL WHEATON: That is not good.

MIKE LAMOND: So Boba Fett in this game has two different ways he can fire, forward and backward, which I thought I could utilize a lot more. It does make it easier, but there’s still a lot of blind spots. But you know who’s not in my blind spot? SETH GREEN: Oh Jesus. CLARE GRANT: What’s that?

MIKE LAMOND: Is Luke “Can’t Hit Anything” Skywalker. SETH GREEN: [IMITATING LUKE SKYWALKER] Well, i turned off the targeting computer like old crazy Ben said. CLARE GRANT: All right wait a minute. Now I’m also– I’m going to attach– WIL WHEATON: [IMITATING OBI-WAN] The targeting computer was a euphemism, Luke. SETH GREEN: [IMITATING OBI-WAN] No, they’re not even talking to you.

I’m doing going something else entirely. CLARE GRANT: I’m attaching. WIL WHEATON: Are you gonna lock on? CLARE GRANT: I’m locking on. WIL WHEATON: To lock on, you roll three dice, and you have to roll a hit, at least one hit.

All right. So that’s one hit. MIKE LAMOND: You only got one. WIL WHEATON: All right. And you’re going to re-roll your– CLARE GRANT: Just these guys.

WIL WHEATON: Yup. OK. Go ahead. CLARE GRANT: Oh, I’m sorry. Wait, there we go, together.

WIL WHEATON: All right, you have two. MIKE LAMOND: All right, so two hits. WIL WHEATON: We gotta get two misses. MIKE LAMOND: You’ve had some pretty phatty rolls, though, so I trust in your abilities 100%. WIL WHEATON: Yep, OK.

It’s one. Not enough. You locked on. You got it. CLARE GRANT: I got it.

It’s mine! [SPACE ENGINE NOISES] CLARE GRANT: Scoop, mine, yes! WIL WHEATON: Go, go. MIKE LAMOND: All right. So I’m going to attack first and– WIL WHEATON: Guess what, Luke Skywalker?

SETH GREEN: What? WIL WHEATON: There’s just a thing going to happen, that’s all. MIKE LAMOND: [IMITATING DARTH VADER] I have you now. WIL WHEATON: Whoa! MIKE LAMOND: Big money.

SETH GREEN: That was actually really devastating. MIKE LAMOND: That is like 10,000 Reddit karma.

That’s how useful that is. WIL WHEATON: Oh man. So go ahead.

You get one dodge. OK. So your shield’s gone, and now you take– MIKE LAMOND: An explosion card. WIL WHEATON: –one explosion damage. SETH GREEN: Oh my goodness.

MIKE LAMOND: So you have two HP left? CLARE GRANT: So you have one– two left. CLARE GRANT: All right. WIL WHEATON: OK. The Force is not as strong with Luke Skywalker as I was expecting.

SETH GREEN: Yeah. No, I’m gonna kill that TIE fighter that’s only got like one hit point left. WIL WHEATON: That’s fine. Do that. Yeah, go ahead.

SETH GREEN: That’s my plan. WIL WHEATON: Go ahead. There you go. All right. CLARE GRANT: Oh.

WIL WHEATON: That’s a critical hit, a regular hit, and a third hit.

I don’t think there’s anything I can do unless I roll three– MIKE LAMOND: Three perfect. WIL WHEATON: –skips. Which I could do. MIKE LAMOND: You’ve done it already.

WIL WHEATON: It could happen. CLARE GRANT: It’s not gonna happen. WIL WHEATON: One skip. Hang on, hang on. I got two skips.

So I dodge the critical. I dodge the other one. And the third one takes me down. CLARE GRANT: Boom! WIL WHEATON: Bam!

CLARE GRANT: Wait, is this it? [LASER NOISES] MIKE LAMOND: Clare is a very aggressive player. Not only was I afraid of losing in the game, I thought she was actually going to beat me up in real life, too.

All right. So Luke could actually meet his demise depending on how– WIL WHEATON: Luke could be in big trouble right about now.

SETH GREEN: [IMITATING LUKE] But I’m the hero of the movie. MIKE LAMOND: This is the, like, 12th movie, where he dies. WIL WHEATON: This is not– this is actually an episode– SETH GREEN: The Tim Zahn stuff? WIL WHEATON: This is actually an episode of the series where Luke Skywalker’s actor is in contract renegotiations, so you never know what’s going to happen. MIKE LAMOND: Here we go.

We’re feeling good. We’re feeling good. You’re looking good. You smell good. Ooh.

WIL WHEATON: I’m feeling food. MIKE LAMOND: This is– every time. WIL WHEATON: Blap, blap, blap, blap. Blap, blap, blap, blap. MIKE LAMOND: What is with this– WIL WHEATON: That’s the noise that it makes.

OK. SETH GREEN: I get three to defend, right? WIL WHEATON: So you are going to roll two defense. SETH GREEN: Yeah? WIL WHEATON: Yep.

MIKE LAMOND: Oh wow. WIL WHEATON: Are you kidding? MIKE LAMOND: Wow. [CLARE CHEERING] MIKE LAMOND: Wow. SETH GREEN: I’m not kidding at all.

WIL WHEATON: You dodge two. But you still take one hit. SETH GREEN: I do take a hit. Damn it. MIKE LAMOND: That was so close.

WIL WHEATON: Oh my god, it was so close. I really wanted to kill Luke Skywalker. CLARE GRANT: Is it time to start over? WIL WHEATON: That is the end of this particular round. Then it’s time to do something new.

Look what I’m doing. I’m doing this. Do you know why? SETH GREEN: What I can do is that. WIL WHEATON: We could conceivably lose on this turn.

MIKE LAMOND: That’s true. WIL WHEATON: Because she just has to drop one off. MIKE LAMOND: Yep, and she gets to attack. WIL WHEATON: Interesting. All right, what are you doing, Han Solo?

CLARE GRANT: You know, I’m going to do a little spin maneuver here, guys. WIL WHEATON: Yeah, to the right.

It’s going to be a soft three. You cannot go farther than Luke Skywalker. You have to stop.

Luke Skywalker, we got so lucky just now. SETH GREEN: How’d that happen? WIL WHEATON: We got so lucky just now. CLARE GRANT: It blocked me from being able to swoop in and grab all of the cargo that I wanted, and I could have actually won the game. WIL WHEATON: She’s secretly on the dark side.

SETH GREEN: I know. We should work more in tandem. I don’t understand what happened. WIL WHEATON: Dude, Han Solo likes me. Han Solo’s like, I’m gonna slow down and let you catch up to me.

MIKE LAMOND: Come on, man, you can do it. WIL WHEATON: You basically just move forward until you go right into– yeah, and then you stop right there. OK. SETH GREEN: That’s really unfortunate. CLARE GRANT: I just lost us the game.

SETH GREEN: Wow. MIKE LAMOND: Fewer things make me as happy as what just happened.

SETH GREEN: I don’t know if we’re going to survive, to tell you the truth. I don’t know if we’ve been playing all that well. I think I made some critical errors, but we’ll see.

We’ve still got a few tricks up our sleeve. WIL WHEATON: Now you get to shoot. Oh man, and now you’re mad, so I know you’re going to try to kill me. Look, it’s not my fault your husband decided to make that turn. SETH GREEN: I thought I was doing the right thing.

CLARE GRANT: [SINGING] Sabotage. SETH GREEN: I even showed it to you in advance, and you said it was all right.

CLARE GRANT: [SINGING] We’re getting a divorce. Getting a divorce. SETH GREEN: What are the reasons?

It’s irreconcilable differences, your honor. You gotta understand, he moved directly in place. CLARE GRANT: Obviously, I’m hitting your Academy newbie. WIL WHEATON: No, you’re making an attempt to hit my Academy guy. So go ahead.

All right. It’s fine. CLARE GRANT: Psht, he’s going down. MIKE LAMOND: I like the confidence. Confidence is good.

WIL WHEATON: Here we go. Ready? You get to shoot three? OK. MIKE LAMOND: What was your– your green is also dodge, OK.

WIL WHEATON: And you’re focusing. OK, good, all right. MIKE LAMOND: Two hits. Dodge, dodge. WIL WHEATON: Dodge, dodge.

And this is what he does. [LAUGHING CHEERILY] SETH GREEN: We were so promising. WIL WHEATON: Guys, I gotta tell you something. The Academy Pilot, it’s actually Wesley Crusher. SETH GREEN: Aw.

He’s in a different kind of academy.

WIL WHEATON: Yeah. SETH GREEN: We hypothesized that Darth Vader was in that TIE fighter just because of his skill and maneuverability. MIKE LAMOND: Apparently, we have Wesley Crusher now, which I’m cool with, man. We can go warp speed and do all sorts of stuff.

SETH GREEN: Although it clearly doesn’t have the Interceptor wings that Vader’s TIE fighter has. But I do know that some of those wings are interchangeable, at least by the toys, so it could be anybody. WIL WHEATON: I am in your firing arc, and so is Boba Fett. So– SETH GREEN: I’m going to shoot here. WIL WHEATON: So you can choose to shoot at somebody.

Who are you going to shoot that? SETH GREEN: I’ll shoot at you. WIL WHEATON: Really? Wesley is dodgy.

I mean, now that he’s taken off his TIE fighter helmet, and he’s like, hey, guys, I’m Wesley Crusher.

What’s up? CLARE GRANT: How many dodgies do you have? You’ve got two dodgies? He’s got three dodgies. MIKE LAMOND: Yeah, but keep in mind I have like nine.

WIL WHEATON: But he has a zillion. Yeah, it’s a better shot. CLARE GRANT: Let’s go– SETH GREEN: I can shoot the TIE fighter. All right, let’s try that. WIL WHEATON: All right, go ahead.

MIKE LAMOND: Whoa. SETH GREEN: Oh, that’s good. WIL WHEATON: Yeah, that’s two critical hits.

Dodge, dodge, dodge! [SHOUTING AND CHEERING] MIKE LAMOND: Every time!

Every time. WIL WHEATON: We’re with Starfleet. We don’t lie. Growing up as a nerd has prepareed me for this. If you can’t hit anything, be very good at getting out of the way.

WIL WHEATON: Sweet! Whew. MIKE LAMOND: All right. We got a little wind in our sails. WIL WHEATON: All right.

We got– SETH GREEN: Wow, honey, we gotta pull this together. WIL WHEATON: We have some opportunity now. SETH GREEN: So let’s work together now. WIL WHEATON: Are you strategizing or making out? [HUMMING “DUEL OF THE FATES” BY JOHN WILLIAMS] [LIGHTSABER NOISES] [SHOUT] WIL WHEATON: Oh, it’s not completely across the goal line.

And we have I no margin of error. We gotta get both of these across. And this one will go here. MIKE LAMOND: That’s like– oh, this is painful.

WIL WHEATON: They’re so close.

MIKE LAMOND: It’s like this far. I think we got it. WIL WHEATON: If I knew anything about football, I’d make a goal line defense joke. That’s how close they are. [SPACE ENGINE NOISES] [BRAKES SQUEALING] MIKE LAMOND: I love how they all have tires now.

WIL WHEATON: Yeah, of course they do. If you make this roll, you win the game. This is for the game, Clare. That’s two hits. I have to roll two misses.

I have to make this roll. MIKE LAMOND: Wesley Crusher, you got this. You’re our only hope. WIL WHEATON: If I don’t do this– MIKE LAMOND: Don’t let me down, Wil.

WIL WHEATON: –the Rebel Alliance wins.

CLARE GRANT: Hold my hand. WIL WHEATON: If I do this, we might. MIKE LAMOND: We might. CLARE GRANT: You’re going down! SETH GREEN: I don’t know about this, guys.

I’m really not so sure it’s going to work in our favor. MIKE LAMOND: Come on, Wil. This is it. WIL WHEATON: Not enough. Not enough.

You win. You win. CLARE GRANT: Yes! SETH GREEN: Oh wait. Yes!

CLARE GRANT: I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. WIL WHEATON: Congratulations, Rebel scum. So welcome to my couch. MIKE LAMOND: It seems like you’ve been here before.

WIL WHEATON: I have. Normally there’s three players here, right, and I’m one of them. I had to reserve a spot. But you know what? I think I’m just going to come in close today.

MIKE LAMOND: That’s good. WIL WHEATON: I don’t feel that bad about losing. I think the Force was with them. MIKE LAMOND: And you know, they capture some pods, we blow up some planets. It’s all good.

I think everyone’s a winner here.

WIL WHEATON: Yeah, I think you’re absolutely right. And maybe in the future, my little pilot guy and Han Solo are best buds. MIKE LAMOND: That should be the story of the future movies. He’s a hero.

WIL WHEATON: Yep, you’re absolutely right. Well, thanks for coming to play. I had a really good time. MIKE LAMOND: Of course. Thanks for having me.

WIL WHEATON: Yeah. All right. I’m going to go downstairs and congratulate Seth and Clare. MIKE LAMOND: All right. I’ll catch up to you.

WIL WHEATON: All right. MIKE LAMOND: I didn’t want to let him see me like this, but– [DRAMATIC SOBBING] WIL WHEATON: Congratulations. You guys played like champions today. CLARE GRANT: Thank you. SETH GREEN: Thank you.

That was excellent. Now I want to make sure that you go home with something amazing that is unique and wonderful.

CLARE GRANT: Other than him? WIL WHEATON: Yes. Because he can’t go home with me.

SETH GREEN: Not tonight, at least. WIL WHEATON: This is the TableTop certificate of awesome. SETH GREEN: Yeah! CLARE GRANT: Yay! SETH GREEN: Does it get to be calligraphy?

WIL WHEATON: Yeah, actually, I will fix this a little bit. So Clare, actually, if I could just maybe write this on your shoulder, because it’s fancy. CLARE GRANT: Yeah. WIL WHEATON: OK. And I’m just going to sign it for you, so it’s all official, and everyone knows it’s real.

There you go. Look at that. Show that off to the world. SETH GREEN: Boom! WIL WHEATON: And here is your fancy and expensive seal– [CLARE SQUEALING] WIL WHEATON: –that makes it 100% legit.

Would you guys like to make a speech, a speech of victory? CLARE GRANT: Well, I’d like to say that I am humbled by today’s win, but we all knew that I would win, along with my co-pilot. SETH GREEN: We had the Force on our side. WIL WHEATON: You totally– the Force was so with you. Well, thanks a lot for playing, you guys.

It was really great having you here. CLARE GRANT: Thanks for having us. SETH GREEN: Thanks, Wil. WIL WHEATON: And until next time, play more games. And we’ll see you right back here on TableTop.

You May Also Like