Stone Age: Nika Harper, Jesse Cox, and Jordan Maron join Wil Wheaton on TableTop
I was about 14, when I realized that I was a capital G Gamer. After a childhood spent playing the usual roll, your dice and move your pawn games. I thought that tabletop games were stupid. Things for kids, not nearly as interesting as the facemeltingly, amazing, graphics and storytelling in video games like Altered Beast. It only took a couple of weekends for me to learn that tabletop games were not stupid and they were not just for kids And they could actually surpass just about any video game in the world, except for the Legend of Zelda, which is perfect in every way.
And remains so to this day Today on TableTop we’re playing a game, that’s a little heavier than what we usually play, but I think you’re all ready for it.
Jesse Cox, Nika, Harper and Jordan Maron are here to play a game that I believe will convert the damn kids today from button mashing, no-scoping mother, insulting video gamers into calculating strategizing imaginative tabletop, gamers
We’Ll have to manage our resources and think very carefully about where we place our workers. If we want to emerge victorious from the Stone Age, (, “, TableTop, Theme”, ), Stone Age is a worker placement resource management game designed by Bernd Brunnhofer. Each player will guide their neolithic civilization in the historic transition from primitive, hunter-gatherer tribes, where we were super healthy egalitarians into a more civilized era where we made weaker minds, build homes of stone and gold, while the peasants farmed dirt to barely survive. Ah progress,
In order to build the homes that we want over here for points, we need to gather the resources in the recipes printed on their tiles.
And to gather these resources, wood, brick, stone and gold, we need to send our workers to specific locations around the board to strip the land of its goods Once the workers are assigned to their working spots, it’s time to harvest. So you see these little circles. This is where we place our dudes and to determine how much stuff we actually bring back to the tribe we roll these dice here.
One die for each dude in a location. For example, I have four little guys here, trying to deforest this region for wood, So I’m gon na roll four dice and then consult a formula to determine how much I get
There is a ton of strategy in Stone Age from leveling up your technology to control the variance of the dice buying civilization cards, to make our people happy to spending time upping our farming to feed our daily food needs Stone.
Age ends when one stack of these housing tiles is empty or if we run out of these extremely powerful civilization cards.
When we’re at game end we’ll score bonus points for having each of these gifts of civilization, Reach into your TARDIS console and set a course for 20,000 BCE, It’s time to head back into the Stone Age, Hello, I am Nika Harper. I am a video host and independent author, I’m Jesse Cox. You might know me from other things, on Geek and Sundry. I’Ve ruined
My name is Jordan, Maron on YouTube.
I go by CaptainSparklez and I make videos primarily on video game, stuff, Hello, everyone, it’s Stone Age, Normally in Stone Age, the youngest player goes first. This is a thing I don’t like at all on account of I’m. Never the youngest player in a game on this show, So we did our normal first player selection method, which is to grab one meeple of each color, shake them up and then choose the one that falls out. First,
( laughs ), As that turns out it’s me, So I’m going to go first, I’m very much torn between tool, development area or get some stone for free area They’re, both very good. How much I can
, Don’t even try Jesse Cox, (, Nika, laughs, ), [, Wil ]. How much I can go Go on!
This is tough, Already trolling. Alright, I’m putting my guy here. I am going here for tools Jesse, it’s your placement.
Where are you going to put your worker face?
Well, And if you need to put your worker face on a part of the board that you can’t reach, I will place it for you. What So you don’t have to stand up? What
I know this is about sitting down and not exercising so The lap of luxury go on Wow Mr. Wheaton, I would love it if you could place this where the farm man goes.
Of course, absolutely you are in the agriculture hut,
Jordan, where are you going to go? Don’T do it, don’t do it, I’m not making babies. You can that’s all you Good, I’m making babies I’m last and I thought I wouldn’t be able to
I would like to get free stone, [ Wil, ], Yeah, Alright, [ Nika, ] Ooh. That’S such a..
[ Wil ], Alright, very good. I went for the stone spot. The civilization card at first, because Jesse had the farm Wil. Had the tools didn’t wan na take the baby spots from Nika. She likes her babies, so I figured that was the best spot for me.
I like how you actually said both of your plays and then I immediately discounted them in my mind.
I was like you’re, probably gon na make the right decisions Yeah And then you talked about which decisions you were going to make and I was like “. I don’t care babies, !”, Just make’em put’em down [ Nika ]. I’M doing that right now.
[ Wil ]. Alright, My basic strategy for playing Stone Age is, I don’t know, I think, just Zerging, Which is just making as many people as possible. I don’t know what to do with them, but I’m gon na make’em Um. I think that I am going to head out here and pick up a wagon with some lottery happening.
[ Nika ] Ooh [ Wil ].
Now what can I do for you, sir? I have a proposition for you, two Okay. We have a history of losing to this gentleman.
Are you gon na start colluding against me already? I propose a beatin’ and defeatin’ Wil Wheaton pact Today, where we pur .
I like how I got through the one thing: …, You can’t even say it because you know how horrible and evil and wrong it is All I’m saying is I’ve been looking at the board and I noticed that there’s a lot of that going on, but there’s No resources to put there, which means I would like to put all four of these on wood, sir, if you would be so kind
[ Nika, ] And you’re expecting .
.. My expectation is someone else will put stuff on wood, thus preventing him from getting the materials he needs with which to defeat us, Beatin’ and defeatin’ Wil Wheaton pact was created. The minute I found out that I would be playing again with Nika Harper
Last time we were on together we were defeated by Wil To 52 and holy ( beeps ) I won. I came in second [ Nika ].
I beat Jesse [ Kumail ], Oh, you came in last
This is a good story, It’s nothing personal, but I don’t want to be the first person he defeats twice Not today, not today, sir, I will not lose again. I want you to remember that you started this. You see this red behind me.
That’S actually being projected out of the back of my angry head. Now we find ourselves at an interesting juncture.
Now We do I’m gon na play the selfish game. Sorry We’re going for the clay
[ Nika ], Oh okay, [ Wil, ] You’re, all in for the clay, [ Jordan, ], Yep, [, Nika, ], He’s all in on clay.
[ Wil ], You got it
Wow, this is getting fierce already. I sorta knew beforehand. Jesse was gon na go for that pact.
I thought maybe he’d try to slither his way in and then backstab Wil. In the end I mean hey, his approach is pretty over the top and straightforward. Let’S see, I have exactly three guys:
[ Wil ] Yeah you’re gon na go There’s exactly three spots: You’re gon na go there. Instead of feeding the babies that you’re gon na make That’s the choice that you’re gon na make. I have free feed for like two rounds.
[ Wil ], Oh no yeah, no sure yep, [, Nika ]. I think I’m doing okay with this [ Wil ] Nope. That’S absolutely right! All I’m saying is, I have a murder list and a party list and at the moment there is one person on each of those lists. I have an interesting thing to do.
You know what I’m going to do.
Only two [ Jesse ] Ooh – There is still one opportunity. Should you be interested in taking it [, Wil ], Oh sure, yeah, okay, And that could give you actually quite a bit of wood.
In your mind, what made that less worse, Where would cause really you just didn’t commit to being an awful person but you’re kinda, bad
Everyone in the world is on my party list until they cross me at which point they’re put on the murder death list Once you’re on the murder death list. The only way to get off of it.
You’Re, never getting off my murder death list. That’S why it’s a murder, death list, You’re kind of a bad person She’s treading lightly
You guys both have beards, you guys are probably the enemies like the actual villains. Here, That’s goatees, that’s goatees, miss! I am in fact going to play here. Oh it’s back to you.
Where are you going to put your final person? Oh it’s me again. Isn’T it
Yeah, it sure is
Uh hunting, I’m hungry, I will close out some of the brick So as the kahuna, that’s who I am at the moment –
I will remove my guys first, I’m going to start by taking my tool worker, I suppose So we comes back to my village and he’s like “, Hey guys. Look. I figured out that if you “ put a heavy thing on the end of a stick “, it can wack stuff !
‘ Dude. None of us know this yet by the way
Crazy [, Wil, ] Right And everybody in the tribe was like “, Show me how that works. It’S confusing .” and he’s like “ Alright meet me in the forest “, It’s very crowded with a bunch of dicks “, but come up there. Anyhow
“, So I’m gon na roll one die for this guy And I’m gon na roll and see what happens I’ll.
Tell you what if I roll a six you’re off the hook, you are not
Why, Oh, my God,
There was no way out of this situation. It was either Jesse or you Because you had a choice. I knew that evil Wil existed, but this is a whole new side of it. I’Ve never seen it directed at me. I am.
I was made to have a choice:
You chose poorly. There was no way out of this situation. That would make both of you not hate me. So I just ..
Look. I just want this to be a six [ Wil ], Oh
But oh wait, wait, wait, wait! (, Nika, laughs, )! What’S so interesting about this! Is that I’ve upgraded it to a six with my tool, which allows me to get two wood because we divide that by three
I like to go tech because it lets me rely less on rolling high on the dice and it allows me to invest fewer workers in resource gathering Congrats.
Okay, that’s very nice.
What I did was, I was nice to you. I still let you have the wood, you don’t understand. [ Wil ], I’m going to take this wood down to the shore where I’m going to turn it into a boat, [ Jesse ] And give us some resources. Please And now I will find out what happens: We’re gon na roll four dice
We’Re going to the bazaar yeah, I like this
Yeah I like getting free stuff, [, Jordan, ] I like it, We didn’t have to pay for it.
I mean we just get stuff: [, Wil, ], Five, four, two: two
As I have the honor of choosing first, I will upgrade my tool to a two point tool. What would you like? Gold, [, Jordan, ] Gold, rims? There’S your brick to no Nika? That’S for you!
Now I’m going to roll two dice for my guys that are out digging around for clay See you still do hate him right. I’M sorry!
[ Wil ] Wow [, Jesse, ], Aw
[, Jordan, ] Whoa, Twelve. I’M glad that I have not made myself an enemy of the guy with a tool and a bunch of brick is all I’m saying: That’s! That’S alright!
[ Jesse ], I’m in a good spot here.
Mr. Jesse Cox, I would like to uh first Choke on it. ( Nika makes gibberish sounds ). I will not, for you see, I shall construct a wooden ware with all of the wood.
Okay by the power of woodhackery [, Jordan ], Not too bad [, Jesse, ] 12. Is it safe to presume that you’re gon na bring your agriculture guy back? I am. I will take him and get one agriculture
[ Wil ], Alright, Jordan, would you move his agriculture up one please.
The strategy of farming is more about preventing other people from getting it, So I am preventing anyone else from getting food and I am going to at the same time get as much food as I can I’ll go clay. First, we’ve got..
Alright, Come on [ Nika ]. I’Ve got ta, see this Ooh
So you get three bricks.
I presume you’re gon na spend one of your bricks, [ Jordan ]. I will spend one
[ Wil ] Down here, [ Jordan, ] Yep
[ Wil ] Very good there you are, You have a wheelbarrow and you get two stone for that. Okay, where do I start? Let’S start with babies, [ Wil ]! Well, first of all, let’s put a little baby down here next to your people.
Who’S a little worker Yeah roll one dice for hunting, Okay, okay, pow. Let’S hope this is amazing: [ Jesse ], One
[ Nika ], It’s so amazing, You’re gon na get three food. That’S fantastic! Thats, the most food you could’ve gotten on that roll Cha, cha cha, cha-cha, cha, cha-cha Yeah great! Well, that’s a thing that you need on account of you: are.
Breeding Yes, Aggressively Agree. Yes,
Yes, that is how I do this. How does one aggressively breed You wan na find out [ Jesse ], No Wow, that’s just
.., I’m horrified All I wanted to do was make a pact to beat him.
I didn’t want to do anything else.
I was talking about beating him too, for the record.
That that wow, that escalated very quickly Go on. It’S super at four. That’S a four and a one!
That’S a five and you’re gon na get one wood. Thank you for helping me with math
You’Re welcome Because reasons Um there’s your people come back So now we will feed our people Um. My tribe is five. So it’s gon na cost me five food to feed my tribe
So my tribe is fed Alright, now Jesse, you have an agriculture of one, so you actually get paid one food Paid in berries, Which is terrific, so you’re paying a net four to feed your family and it’s going to cost you five Yep
[ Wil ] To feed your tribe, I’m a six by the way, And we appreciate that Everyone is all fed. So now some new guys have come out here, So I will now pass the role of kahuna to the traitor.
The traitor king speaks (, Nika, laughs, ). I wish to farm once more [ Wil ], Ah [ Nika, ] Ooh, [, Jordan, }. Ah man,
This is a very different strategy than I expected from you Alright, and what is your move? Mr.
Jordan? I’M gon na start off with tools right there Miss Nika. Where are you going?
Nobody stopped me from this. It’S a good day to be me.
I would like that one right there [ Wil ] Yep. That is that’s very good, especially because of the bonuses you are keen to inherit. On my turn, I’m also gon na follow you down to the shore
C’Mon down And I’m gon na come down here, because I would love to learn about the fertility goddess and I would also love to increase my tools because I think tools are neat.
Back to wood, please [ Wil ] Terribleness. Alright, What I’m doing you see is called Cox blocking
It’S a thing, I’m very good at I’ve noticed wood is the cheapest most effective resource and the more that I can take and the less other people can get, hopefully the better.
It will be for me [ Wil ], Where you going Jordan Now, let it be known. This is nothing personal, I’m just lacking some wood on my board here.
Well, I’m certainly happy to be involved in getting you wood, [, Nika ]. I would actually like to do ..
[, Jesse, ] Babies.
Babies, I can’t afford the babies right now. Oh yes, you can, But I’m not sure..
[ Jesse ], You can always afford babies, I’m afraid I can’t to be honest: Babies, babies.
I mean it’s lonely out there.
We’Ve got an entire world and between Nick and Jesse and I we’ve only got 15 – we need some more company, She seems more than eager to do it. I want to be responsible, I’m gon na. Do it.
[ Jesse ] Yeah [, Nika ], I’m so mad at you, guys.
[ Jordan ] Make the world a better place. I just feel really pressured to make children right now. I didn’t even know that was an option to like not just stack children. I thought that that was a thing I am done.
[ Nika ], Looking pretty sweet over there [ Jordan ] We’re gon na make a hut
Alright guys Get out your sharpened twigs and sticks and things We are going to find some mammoths.
I’M going to do something which is in fact a little risky Uh. Oh I’m gon na come down here and I’m gon na try I’m going to consider purchasing that hut. Alright, so I believe, has everyone placed their workers? Yes,
Alright, kahuna, you have the honor. What will you do first?
I will first procure my farmer who has …
[ Wil ]. Alright, your farmer’s coming off, alright, very good
Then I shall .
. [ Wil ], Oh you’re, all in on wood, All in
Yes, Shocking: That’s how I work. [ Wil ] 13 gets you…
Four woods, Alright, so Jordan, I could start off by getting my tool. Alright, very well.
Here you go I’ll build my hut, [ Wil ], Alright, build that hut.
Let’S see the resources to make that hut happen, Build that hut.
( Wil laughs, ), So that costs you two stone and a brick.
I think my main strategy is go for the civilization cards and go for the huts Uh. So now I assume you’re going to go to the forest and oh you have a tool now. I do Wow you’re going to upgrade yourself from punching trees to hitting trees with a rock on a stick.
Nine [ Wil ] Nine can bump that up to ten That won’t do anything. It doesn’t.
Do you any good, So three pieces of wood
Three pieces of wood coming your way, Nika guess what’s happening – Is that some Barry White I hear ( Wil makes baby cries ), Oh, it’s not! Barry White at all, ( Makes baby cries. ) Now get to work. Kid
I don’t care if your lungs are black. Go back to the mine Father, I’m here to work for you wah Now, you’re, probably you wan na go hunting.
Yeah I got to Yeah. I figured
How many is that again, It was three: That’s three [ Jesse ], Three ( sings ). Three, three dice
Let’S make this happen guys [, Jordan ] Was that their hunting song Remember last time, Yeah
Ten Ten’s, not bad [, Jordan ] Get some fish [ Wil ] Five yeah take some fish. [ Jordan ], You’ve upgraded from the
[ Wil ], That’s a thing that you need. You know honestly, I feel like, like the dice are just encouraging you to breed by enabling you to keep making more babies and I’m not in favor of that policy. [ Nika ], It’s pretty much the best
So now I have an interesting choice to make here, kids at home, So I really want to get this hut and I really wan na get this hut for four brick, because it’s gon na get me 16 points, which is great. So what I have to decide is: am I going to risk two brick and come down here and spend those two brick on this guy to get a tool, or am I gon na come up here? First attempt to get an additional three brick so that I have enough.
We have to commit our workers before we ever touch the dice. So if we don’t have enough resources to get a hut or a boat, we have to hope that we will be able to roll enough, and then it becomes a math problem.
My expectation on this rolling three dice plus two is for 15 17 divided by three is 15
( whispers numbers under breath: ) [, Wil, ] Uh. I think ..
He’s lost it. It’S like eighth grade math all over again.
Hopefully the teacher won’t call on me: Okay, I’m good yeah, I’ve calculated a risk, and now I’m taking that calculated risk. So these guys are out here they’re digging for bricks. So let’s see how that works out for me We’ll find out.
If maybe my risk pays off or I’m a dumbass, let’s see
( gasps ). Oh that’s terrible!
That’S really really awful, So I get one brick which is that’s awful. That’S a super! Disappointing roll!
It saddens me greatly.
Yeah and it’s a super bummer that I can’t get that hut, but whatever that was a chance that I was taking and it just didn’t quite work out. My turn is done. Jesse feed your people, please Uh! I get two, You get two back.
So it’s a net three that it costs for you to feed your tribe,
I get no discounts, [ Wil, ], Jordan. It costs you five to feed Right, so you’ve fed your people Nika. It costs you a million
Okay, how much do you want? It costs you seven to feed your things, So it costs you a fish and mushrooms and then it costs me some fish to feed my crew. So I’ve gone ahead and done that Now we need to move these guys down and reload and Jordan you’re.
Now the kahuna I’m going for the food
( Nika grunts ) Looked like you were grabbing two to make another baby. No, I think i am actually [. Jordan ] Make another baby
There’S other resources in this game. I thought it was just boning and food
[ Jesse ] Six Ready cursed. Your curses are great [ Wil ] 24.
Additional points Welcome to Metropolis
Polish mine, a little bit more though so it looks prettier You do eh In your window. Oh my God. I really need this to be delicious. That’S pretty good!
[, Jordan, ] Wow, [, Wil ] Well, 14.
Obviously, I’m gon na improve my tool. [ Wil ], Alright, flip your tool over At tech level. Four, basically, I’ve got like a chainsaw, but it’s like got diamond blades on it.
And you guys are all afraid of me:
I was never afraid of you, Damn You don’t have any food, I don’t
I’M out of food, so I’m gon na need to throw some hunters into the mix And I believe everyone’s workers are out So first I will pay a stick so that I can get this guy here. I’Ve learned the beauty of music, which is lovely.
I’Ve also managed to get myself three points.
[ Jordan ] On the board, woo [ Wil ] On the board, Not in last place, Woo Wait a minute. That’S me!
I feel really bad for that green. That’S me, I’m the green spot, All man I’m last And now I am going to buy this boat, Maybe not the best thing in the world to over pay for it now, but it does get me some points.
[ Jesse ]. Now he has 16 points.
Yeah, that’s absurd, Which I desperately need. So now you roulette Yay. I am on an express train to Loserville
So now .
. General store I’ll go ahead and do this
Okay, I am going to try my hardest for some wood, (, Nika laughs, ). Look! I’M gon na shake it as hard as I can Yep yep And hope to get some wood Cox going for the wood
Four I’ll take, you know what You probably should’ve tried harder for wood. One wood is what I need.
I’M fine (, Nika, giggles ). Then one man [ Wil ]. Yes,
[ Jesse ] In the wilderness, [ Wil ] Yeah. Can he roll a two or above (, Nika laughs, ), Let’s find out It’ll be really interesting.
And you’re getting at least one food Cursed.
I cursed you not the dice. Oh my God, I told you, I am a wizard
That’S the trick, That’s the trick. No, the trick is to curse, to curse the guy, not the cup
Come on yak cup Go yak cup; Alright, flip it flip. It
I I I ..
, You wan na know what I am [ Jesse ] Get behind me.
I’M a wizard Get behind me witch Cursed, cursed, Eh, [, Wil, ], There’s two more wood for you.
(, sighs ), I’m sure Nika thinks she’s a wizard, but I think she’s more of a witch with a B (, Nika laughs ). Oh, Let’s see what are we starting out with farm [, Wil ] Yep go ahead and grab your farm guy back and increase your farm by one very good, nice. Okay,
[ Nika ].
I have zero farm
( laughs ): You will continue to have zero farm. [ Nika ] Doing great guys Come on 12 ( Nika laughs ). Can you put good magic on Nope
Why [ Jesse ] No [ Nika ]? What’S in it for me, We’re good [, Nika ], Alright, alright
[ Wil ], So that’s eight for food, The lone sound of one. What is the sound of one die?
Rolling master. I get one stone You get, one stone sure do.
Use it grab another Honestly grats [, Wil, ] And now And now I’m going to build my huts
Okay, alright, nice
Well done, there’s this guy Nika, so where you starting, are you starting out in the forest, Making it rain food for a little bit? Okay, very good! You need to learn a lesson here.
Hard lesson Right: ha-ta come on Eh, that’s alright! Uh! Eight 12. I guess now you’re gon na go try to chew down a tree. ( grunts ), I’m just gon na gnaw away at that for a little bit.
Ta-Ta, alright, 11. 12. 13. 14 is gon na get you four woods One. Two three four I was unsure of my math.
If you couldn’t tell there That was good. I would’ve agreed to anything at that point like yeah, eh, eh,
Yeah, no, that sounds good. You sound like a confident guy who knows what he’s talking about [, Jesse ] He’s got flutes, Yeah, sure, alright, let’s feed our tribe, [ Nika ], No tools, no structures and nothing but babies. I think I’m actually rabbits. I am a rabbit
( laughs, ), Okay, Woody McWooderton, Weepy McWillow.
All I need is three pieces of wood in order to prevent Nika from enjoying herself. Why Come on?
Larchy McLarcherson Pointy McPinetree Everything’s about space when you’re Wil Wheaton. You can quote me on that: oh (, beeps, ), ( group, laughs, ), (, slurs, ) Everything is about space. Your face yearns about space,
Birchy Birch Birchalot Engusa English Oak.
I think it’s time I should shut up Alright come on wood dice.
No whammies Triple snake eyes, Six nine! You can make a ten. It doesn’t matter. You get three woods.
One return: [, Wil, ], You’re, gon na turn, one into a boat
Very well, alright, so now roll four dice to find out what happens like to call it the boat market. What happens at the boat market? [, Jordan, ], Ooh, [, Jesse, ], Six, [, Wil ], Many good things for everyone except me:
[ Jesse ] Wow. It’S amazing that the dice hate me even when I’m not rolling them.
Super That lonely sound of one [ Wil ] Yep.
Here it goes
[ Nika ] Hunting, [ Wil, ] Uh. That gets you two [ Nika ] Nice [, Jordan, ], Eight plus, And you can just add five to that, which is 13
Now I’m gon na turn around and use all five of my wood on that hut: [ Wil, ], Okay, so that hut is now worth 15 points to you: [, Nika, ], Wow And now Nika. You are up, Let’s with baby making. First
You wan na, would you do the honors Midwife Wheaton? That’S what I’m doing?
Are you going to hunt now? Yes,
Alright, I believe that I shall hunt first, Yes, very well. Okay, Do you have enough dice? Are there enough dice in this game, for you to hunt with your hunting, guys
There should be other games around to just in case. We need to borrow a few
We can just pull them: ( laughs, ), [, Wil ], Oh God, You’re at five go ahead and roll [ Jesse ] Nika babies.
Bam? What ( laughs )? How is that even possible [ Nika ]? I am such a wizard [, Jordan, ] 22.
You get 11 food If I may dust off an old gem.
This is bull: (, beeps, ), Okay, Okay, and now are you going to pay four for that? Guy, [, Nika, ], Absolutely
[ Wil ], Okay. Now I will bring this worker back and he’s going to upgrade my tool from a three to a four which is fantastic. These three guys here are going to go. Do a little quarry-ing for some stone, [ Jesse, ] Wow!
Oh, my heavens,
Alright well, you’ve had the four it could’ve been worse.
( beeps ) [ Wil ] Stone on three ( beeps ), guys, which is super ( beeps ) great I’ve been responsible. I’Ve put education first. Meanwhile, I live next door to ( beeps ) Mc (, beeps ) who’s, just like “, Oh a baby. Oh, a baby
“, Oh a baby, Here’s a baby “!
Oh! No! How am I gon na get food “? How am I gon na feed this other ( beeps ) baby? I made “?
Oh, I know
“ ( soft piano, music, ) Foods, just gon na (, beeps ) fly out of the sky, ( soft piano, music, ) And oh, I don’t have enough for that. After all, because it’s TableTop and I’m rolling dice This. Maybe this is all my fault. I admit it ( Wil makes beeping sounds ). Well me from a month ago, Hello,
Is this Wil Wheaton from the future, Remember how you thought playing stone age was gon na, be super fun, because it’s a great game that you love and you actually have a chance at winning.
Yes, tell me: how does the game work out? Don’T do it? Don’T do it Oh and also make sure that you pick up Stone IPI on the way home, because you’re out
Hello, Hello, Future me’s, a jerk, Hey everybody: let’s feed our families, I’m sure that’s gon na be really hard for you, because you have so many of’em
I might go full [, Jesse, ] Wow, Don’t judge me, I’m at a certain point where I don’t know anything else to do except make babies. But apparently this is working.
These two stone on a boat, I’m not real crazy about having to go for civilization points, but it’s pretty much all I can do at this point.
Hopefully it will work. I’D say you got 10. 56. 71
[ Wil ], Alright, There’s so much comeuppance on me. I feel like I’ve played Stone Age Bukkake And I helped It’s going.
It’S going. Oh, it could anywhere Where’s it going.
Where’S it going No, it’s certainly not Man that rabbit sure does love to waste time. I’M going to end the game right now.
This has to happen.
I don’t want to spoil the game, but that’s a c-c-c-combo bonus on my houses and noone else sees that. I hope that pays off. So in the end game, I’m thinking I’m gon na rush huts, Two huts. If I can just get those two huts, then I think I can take it We’ll see.
Alright, all of our guys have been placed Nika.
What order are you going to make your moves? Miss Harper Gold. First. Do gold, [, Nika ], I’m not going to go gold. First, Three
That’S gon na that’ll work for ya.
I’M gon na need some stone, 13 and stone costs five. So you get two stone because of course you do
Because reasons: okay, Don’t do this to us!
Don’T do this to us, I am so terrified ^-, [, Jordan ] For once [ Jesse ]. Please don’t! Oh thank God!
[ Wil ], Ten 15 gets you [, Jesse ], 16. 16, because you have the hammer. Gets you two gold, [ Jesse ]? That’S all she needs. That’S all you needed!
(, Jordan, sighs ), [, Nika, ], Okay, I did this. These guys come back. Alright, I’m gon na end the game. You are Go ahead.
Only two right right, [ Wil ] – That costs you .
. [ Nika ], Tell me: I’m not crazy Yep! That’S an awfully fancy house!
You know what happened: Your giant disgusting, tribe, sold a reality show and now you can afford a house
So you are on 15, We also became sentient [ Wil ] Plus 14 gets you to uh 29
Now you’re gon na build this house here. That’S a guy one, two: three: Okay!
So that’s that and gets you another 15 which takes you to …
[ Jesse ], That’s disgusting! That’S (, grunts, ), [, Wil, ], Uh, 29, 39.
44. Oh, my God. The game’s about to end am I winning. Is this what winning feels like
First thing I will do is have this weird creepy thing show up. I don’t know what that’s all about, but that’s strange.
It doesn’t even get to work. No, it’s fine! I don’t care
Increase my agriculture by one, please, sir, if you would This guy back to increase this tool to two and my turn is done.
Wood give it to me: [ Wil, ] Uh, that’s gon na be 11 And your tool, ^- [, Wil, ] 13, gives you..
Four … [ Jesse ], That’s fine!
That’S all I need Roulette Roulette time.
You got it yeah, yeah, Actually, first I’ll do this.
Yep: okay Turn that in Yep, okay, you pay for that. You get that boat And will you move me to five on there?
[ Wil ]. Oh that’s a lot of points for you yep.
Alright, It’s time for roulette, (, Nika hums! The Price Is Right. Theme )! Please help me out here: [ Jesse ], Oh my God, ( laughs, ), [, Jordan, ]. What
[ Jesse ], That’s what I needed.
You get agriculture you get agriculture, Three sixes is agriculture, and this one is a piece of wood.
( laughs ). Have you done quite enough? I think I’ve done just enough. Sir.
[ Wil ] Great, Thank you for inviting me Super okay, terrific pass the cup down the table: ( beeps ) king (, beeps ) in the ( beeps ) noxious ( beeps, ), (, soft music ). I have to get lucky here, so I’m gon na roll for clay first and I need to get two pieces [ Jesse ]. Oh my God,
[, Jordan, ], Seven, Eight, You got it, you got it, you got it, You need to roll. I just need to roll a one ,’cause. I still have that.
[ Wil ] Yeah Come on roll a one [ Jesse ], Hey [, Jordan ]. That was close enough. You can’t even roll a one bro
[ Jesse ] Well, and you got it, you got those two. I did it so now. I have yeah both the huts: [ Nika ], Nice wow, nice wow,
Wait wait, wait, wait, wait.
He may have edged you out of the lead.
I’M cool with it. The exact amount that I needed. Alright, that you’re going to get 12 plus 13 is 25 points Everyone the game is over. It is time to total our points.
And one civilization card You wrecked us holy …, [, Jordan, ], Oh
[ Nika ]. What is that, Ladies and gentleman, if I may now announce the final scoring In first place, Jordan Maron with 119?
I didn’t expect that at all Tied for second so wonderfully appropriate, Jesse and Nika and in last place where I belong.
.. ( Nika, laughs, ), (, Jesse, laughs, ), Hey. That means we still won [ Wil ], Jordan.
Congratulations! Thank you.
Yay, You played a brilliant game and I will see you at the Winner’s Wall – ( triumphant, fanfare, ), My friends, because now that the game is over, we are once again friends. Normally I come here. I offer some words of comfort to the losers.
Let them know that a game was well played and other platitudes
I will say you deserve to be here:
I’M so delighted that you are here, You cannot defeat me. You can only hope to contain me. I am now going to the Wall of Victory and before I leave, I will say please avoid any aggressive breeding on the couch Good job stay there. Jordan, you deserve to be here,
Thank you Not because you won the game, because you were the only player in the game who did not deliberately target me. Okay, Listen this season on TableTop.
We are doing something very special for all of our winners. It is my great pleasure to present to you today the TableTop Trophy of Awesome, just for you,
This is amazing, Right Yep. I know you love it. Okay, I’m gon na make it even better. I’M going to engrave your name on it.
That’S an amazing engraver New technology right there, hmm [ Wil ]. There you go [, Jordan, ], That’s beautiful! If you would like to make a victory speech, you may do so now.
Um, well, I somehow won, I guess, and I’m happy about it – Didn’t really know what I was doing, but I’ll pretend that I did Great strategies win great games thanks everyone, A magnificent speech for the ages, Thanks a lot of watching and until next time play more Games
( 8-bit and piano music, )