Wil Wheaton plays Lanterns on TABLETOP!

It is the 15th day of the eighth month of the Han calendar, and it is time to celebrate the mid-autumn festival after months of hard work. The harvest has finally come in and the Emperor wants to have a raging party to celebrate today on tabletop Ivan Van Norman Becca, Scott Zack Ewbank, and I are going to help make this a party that generations of peasants will be sad. They weren’t allowed to attend. You see we are the Emperor’s Royal artisans. We have been called to the palace to decorate his royal Lake with beautiful, floating lanterns.

The Harvest Festival is a tile laying set collecting game designed by Christopher Chung, with beautiful artwork by Beth Sobel. We are all the finest artisans in all of China and the emperor has asked us to come decorate. His big harvest festival party, we’re gon na help him by placing pretty floating lanterns into his royal pond, which is not as dirty as it sounds. Some of these lanterns will be dedicated to fancy people. Those fancy people will reward us with points just like they did in Imperial China.

Whoever gets the most points wins the game at the start of the game. We’Re gon na put this tile with little boat on it. In the center of the table, then we give the tiles spin and whoever the red side is pointing at will go first, because red is a lucky color in Chinese culture. The sides of the tiles are very important in lanterns because they affect what cards players get in the game. We’Re going to play with our tiles turned 45 degrees like this, so this side will be for this player here.

This side is for this player here and so on. We’Re gon na use some fancy graphics to help you follow along at home or in space or wherever you’re watching the show, because we care about you each turn. The active player will take one mandatory and one or both of two optional actions. Our mandatory action is to place a lake tile from our hand against an existing tile on the board. Like this, when I place a tile, I’m going to take a lantern card that matches the color facing me.

This is why that 45-degree shift on the lake tiles is important. So if I were to play this tile here, I would get a corresponding purple Lantern card. Now I can also get bonus cards by matching colors on the tile. I’Ve played to an existing tile on the board. So if I were to play this tile here, like this, I’m going to get the purple card because it’s facing me, but I’m also going to get a red card, because I’ve matched the red lanterns that are already in play after I collect my cards.

I will hand out cards to all the other players in the game based on what color is facing them, so the player sitting here is going to get a white card and so around the table. I can also earn one of these favor tokens. If I play a matching tile with a platform on it, platforms, look like this: they have little dragons or fish. Some of them have flowers and stuff on them. Now, favor tokens are important because I can use two of them to turn a card.

I don’t want into a card that I do want, and that is one of my two optional actions. My other optional action is to make a dedication. When I have certain sets of cards in my hand, I can use them to make a dedication to a fancy person or a friendly dragon magic talking dog and score some points. When I turn in my cards, I take the top dedication token from the corresponding stack and I collect its points, which we call honor in this game. One of the strategies and lanterns is thinking about when to make your dedications, because the honor on the dedication tokens goes down every time someone collects one and the difference between first and second place in most games.

I’Ve played is only a handful of points. Lanterns is one of the rare games that can be understood and very happily played by children as young as eight years old, because they don’t have time to get bored and lose interest and get distracted by. Oh look: a squirrel speaking of squirrels and segways that make absolutely no sense at all: hey everybody! It’S time to play, lanterns [, Music ]. My name is Zack Ewbank, also known.

Strangely, as the overlord, I ran geek and sundry’s twitch channel for a good, eight or nine months, and I’m now running my own new network called hyper RPG up in Seattle. Hey, I’m Becca Scott Kearns, I’m a geek and sundry host and I also have a web series, so you can check out online called Greggy Becca hi, I’m Ivan Van Norman. I am a game designer twitch host and one of the producers a table top season for months and months ago. Lanterns was the very first game I had chosen to play on tabletop this year and I asked Ivan if we could play it on game. The game and I came in and we played it on game the game and it was super super fun and we had so much fun as a group that we decided to have kind of like a rematch friendly, rematch yeah on this episode sample table one that Requires trophies this time?

Yes, that’s right, because I also I’d like to point out that when it didn’t matter, I won. I was gon na bring that up, but I’m glad you said yeah to get set up for the game. We gave the tile spins Zack. You are first, sir, don’t screw it up, given that I can’t do anything to destroy Becca’s game yet yeah, it’s gon na jump right into it, yeah thinking too much about strategy, so I’ve created my own wind conditions. Here I come out of this ahead.

If Becca loses, I’m gon na place a red on a red here very good. This means that Zack gets a red for matching here. Zack also gets a black because black is facing him. Remember we rotated a little bit. Becca gets orange.

I also get red and Ivan. You will get quite blissful white just in case but Zack. I think honestly, you probably did the best turn you possibly could have. It’S. Sadly, probably gon na be my best move of the game.

Most definitely did you replace your tile. Zack, I am giving out the pile of new tiles. So if you would, please ask before just reaching into my pile wow, it’s gotten super intense, Oh Becca! Oh, my like water off a duck’s back, Oh as aggressive feral side of me that really comes out during board games. It usually comes out mid show, but it looks like we’re starting a little early this time.

I’M definitely gon na go right here and I, with a black card you’re, also going to get a purple. I’M gon na get another red card which makes me super excited. I think there’s a little advantage in this game to not going first you’re going to have more cards on your first turn and there’s a real good chance that you’re going to be able to grab some honor right out of the gate. I am going to play down here, so I’m gon na get a white Lantern and a Red Lantern looks like Ivan is going to get blue Zac. You get purple and Bekah.

You also get white. If you would, please pass me the top tile there without having one of those aggressive temper tantrums, we saw it’s not a problem. I’Ll tell you, I’m really terrified that she’s in between me and the pile of tiles. So I’m glad you made this el yeah. At the same time, I could try to get two cards right, Weber, County and you’re – not being able to do that.

That was a good bet for you. Oh, this is my best move of the game, so decisions need to be made yes and they’ve been made. All right, I will take a red Ivan, will get a red for matching a red tile. He will also get a white because white is there then Zac? You will get a red Becca, you get a green and I also get a white and Miss Becca Scotch.

If you wouldn’t mind a new tile for me. Thank you. So much you’re welcome. Zac Europe. I’M going to place this here on the red.

Zach has played a card with a platform on it. Man it matches, which means that, in addition to his red card for matching zach is going to get a favor token gets a green. I get a purple and Ivan also gets a purple all right. My master plan hasn’t going for something he so you get a blue and a blue. So right now I’ve got two blues at the same time and my goal is to go for what other people aren’t going for and right now, that’s four of a kind.

What you think it’s gon na be lower, but I just need all the tiles as fast as I can get them right now, so I’m going for four of a kind. Hopefully nobody screws me over. Hey everybody, guess what I’m gon na do. I’M gon na make a dedication turn in three pairs and I’m going to dedicate this to the monkey god. The monkey, God is the god of offensive cultural appropriation.

So the monkey god of cultural appropriation is actually an American God made in China. That’S appropriate and, as you can tell I worship Him, he is responsible for things like really offensive caricatures and entitlement. I would really like to play this and make that happen, but that can’t happen. Yeah. Of course Beck is looking at my cards because hashtag Becca cheats, we’ve hashtags, are a serious thing.

You can’t just make one up yeah. I didn’t mean to look at your cards, it’s just that I leaned back and glanced over at what I’m trying to keep secret from didn’t realize that you were just this. This hashtag of Becca’s, a cheater Rebecca, is the worst. She brings out the wrath of everyone around her. It’S not okay.

Manners check me out, I’m doing double match C’s double matches. I am doing a full dedication. I would like to make a dedication yes or for here this dedication will be to myself, because good jobs act very bold, to make a dedication to yourself. It’S a choice, not a choice. I would make because generally leads to you celebrating on the losers couch.

Did you reload your hand, Becca card tile magic word tile? Now, I’m gon na go to the tables. I mean this is not about you. This is the best weird uncomfortable family. It turns out that my best move of this game was inviting Zach and Becca and Ivan to be here, because this is the most fun I’ve ever had a dysfunctional family reunion, and I’ve been to a lot of my heart breaking strategy, because you want to put The helmet on close, I can hold it above my head to not mess up my hair.

I personally love the strategy hat because it was an old throwback to when we first started doing game the game. At this point, in the mid game, every single buy is extremely important. I mean we use it a bunch because we’d like to do that when we talked about strategy and it’s super fun, what will he buy? How many points will he tried to contribute it in a single turn? How am I going to do this voice?

While I continue to dance it bounces all of the strategy back into your brain, so we can come out of your mouth instead of your strategy. Just radiating off into outer space as a wasted strategy, energy, here’s my plan, y’all. I really wanted to be the first to get seven unique, lantern, colors yeah. I thought I was gon na make this amazing play right here and I felt really good about it and I got the strategy hat hovering right above my perfectly done hair, but I even his beat me to that. I was hoping somebody would hook me up with red, I’m just screwed and I’m gon na have to dedicate something else.

So that’s what’s happening. So what we do dedication is to cherry blossoms. I know the cherry blossoms happen in Japan and the lantern festivals in China, but they’re both beautiful things and we’re making jokes about cultural appropriation anyway, all right losing too well your I win everything. No cherry blossoms is filled with honor Becca. They are, I don’t buy any of those cheap off store brands.

It’S only on erful cherry blossoms. For my family. I think I’m going to give myself a wrap sure will okay, that was unclear. Do you ever get tired of to win so much all the time? Not yet, I think, oh you know what you can do is take over as the host of tabletop.

Then you’d never win. It’S like not even an issue. I’Ve got a whole crew that would be working for me. We can really stack that deck. I don’t know why will isn’t doing this.

Maybe this is a better way for me to go nope. This is the way to go rude way to go. That is the most pain. Vica. You get nothing Zach!

You get nothing my interests, your that moment. Last turn. When I was like, are you like I’m gon na turn in a thing, I’m gon na train a thing yeah and then that didn’t happen yeah. Well now it’s happening. Okay, pretty much every single round.

I have to make a dedication in order to make a win, because if I’m not making dedications, I’m not earning points to whom are you making this dedication? So I am making this dedication to douche nips when you bestow your love upon you Schmucks. He benevolently gifts. You with doughnuts in the pantheon of doughnut gods. There are, of course, a dozen God’s bouche nooks, the tasty one, this game of tabletops smiles upon you, my 10 points.

It’S like two points tastier than your eight points. That’S also true, but it tastes like think about. So this is the best case scenario that I could possibly be in right now, because 10 is the max point that you can get for a dedication. It’S the first seven. You need, I feel, like you’re, probably gon na flip some lanterns out and fully I’m working on it.

I would like to do a three pair. I’M gon na go ahead and double up on the evenings. Okay, the best move for me is gon na be to go for quantity over quality. I am dedicated to says: look. You will often be tempted by syslog his darker alter ego, the savory one who brings upon you bacon if you are going against one.

That is ash nooks, the tasty one does he still have the all-you-can-eat salad bar there, that’s best. Oh it wasn’t just like it wasn’t. Just like you know, that’s the wrong guy to us. No that’s Bisto immediately. I knew exactly what it is panda time.

Okay, look at that. A lot of a lot of stuff has happened to you, and now we are around to everyone’s favorite Wil Wheaton, I’m making a dedication to the trashcan God, the trashcan God began life as a made, a rubber maid, and she was incredibly lonely because no one ever Wanted to take her out, and eventually she just realized that she could just smell so bad – that someone would have to take her out, usually the youngest sibling in the family, who couldn’t fight back. I am turning in one of each color. I just took the lead way outside of my comfort zone right now, I’m actually gon na match. He match up here at one waivered, which is gon na.

Give me a favor token, which I’ll put over here with mine Zack you get nothing and Becca. You get gray, I came into this fight with one objective: to hold Becca down. Apparently mr

Wil Wheaton thinks otherwise look believe it or not. I’M. I am NOT making a deliberate effort to block Zack and is coming after me turn after turn and won’t.

Let me lie. I just need cards. Will it’s just kind of turned out that I’m blocking him every move now, but I’m absolutely not doing it on purpose. Will I yes, sir? I have to say something.

Yes, thank you for two reasons. One of course you allowing me to come back and play wonderful games. Yes, all of you, yep and because I was gon na – have to spend two favors. So you, in order to purge out one of my cards into this red yep, so it’s a beautiful flush but you, but I gave it to you in general. I gave it to you.

This is an amazing situation, because my players are hand me cards, left and right, and I am so grateful that they’re so generous. Listen I’d love to take credit for infinite generosity, but it turns out that I just stopped and wasn’t paying attention whenever we decide to replace me as host the key to a successful audition is making a play in a game that you think is really good. That, actually just doesn’t do anything for you and leads to you losing the game, I’m so busy having a good time, I forget to make optimal place. Well, I dedicate this then to you having a good time. Oh yes, there!

You are congratulations at this point in the game. I’M feeling really good. I’M right in the middle of everything, I’m one point behind Ivan who’s, the leader, but I’ve played enough games of lanterns and roof games on tabletop. To know that my inevitable slide into defeat is just about to begin. It’S like a loser’s.

I’Ve done my job back. What would happen if you did win? Would you care no, except that back a loss he’s just directing his attention, just in one place, which is me which most people do and I’m fine with? Well, as all about me, I have one goal right now is to keep Becca from getting that next point, and then I’m going to dedicate this to shish Nick’s. Yes diaper God, I’m not a big fan of this particular God.

Every time you try to go and give it a little huggy, it’s like get away from me, I’m too pampered. This dedication is to all flowers in the world. All right blues are at a bit of a premium right now, okay, and in order to keep those blues and at a premium I’m going to I’m going to make a dedication to professor Hyde white. Who, as we know, is the museum curator, not the gorilla. That’S been running amok for this entire episode, as we all know, yeah, okay, you know what’s gon na happen now now all the favorite tokens, more importantly, Ivan, doesn’t get a blue.

Neither do I good for a while for learning not to make the same mistake twice. Congratulations at the same time, it really would sure to give me a blue card. Buddy where’s, my blue boy. I get nothing. That is the third time, mr

Wil Wheaton that you have blocked me today and it did not go unnoticed.

We’Re cool we’re tight. I don’t understand where this is coming from. Just let me breathe. Well, I’m not blocking Zack on purpose, but I have to say it is refreshing for a player at this table to be really aggressively picked on, and it’s not me for a change. I haven’t done anything yet because I’m still so mad about the Blues yeah.

Would you say that you have the blues about BIOS? I would say that I am green with envy the fact that you have all the Blues. That’S okay! I feel sad too, because I’ve got the blues. In this circumstances I could get a whole nother, seven unique.

If will would just give me a blue card George, you said you don’t have any more blues where’s, my blue boy, where’s, my blue boy. You know what one of these days you’re gon na turn white with fear. When I wreck you purple all right, I’m just gon na make another dedication a different dedication. Okay, a dedication! That’S my!

It’S make two pairs all right, so you turn in three pairs to get a six dedication. I will dedicate this to Wil Wheaton learning, learning learning. Yes, I don’t activate to convert yet converting is one of those I feel like it’s a reactive play. I don’t think of it. Interesting, that’s actually doing put the head, please Adam all right.

They said on and I have a question for you yeah you. You view you view converting cards as reactive and maybe a defensive measure that fair to say private first class sweet. Yes, my strategy is to use the vast amount of favor that I have in order to reactively get the cards that I need, whether it’s going to be a four of a kind or a three pair or a unique. If I do it every single turn, I should be able to have it, but I’m also hoping that I can, you know, basically make full dedication in a single round. I have tremendous respect for Ivan and he is a great competitor and really smart about gaming, but I really disagree with the idea that we should only do conversions as a reactive measure.

I think, can actually be super proactive and totally in-your-face. I mean it could be the poochy of moves in this game. Well, considering that I have a flush amount of favor at the moment. Yes, I’m not looking to do one Lantern card for a turn, yeah that does now. I will put on the back pack of shades quite a bit if I can’t do multiple exchanges so well, I can be fair.

I have already laid down my tile, so I will just take the last tile. Mr

Zack I’d like to make a dedication to Felicia Day and the one time she decided. It would be very appropriate to talk about Cookie Monster jizz on my show, and then I’m going to dedicate all right. Zack gets a nothing. That’S happened in a lot this game.

There’S no way you can win when you’re missing seven cars in here tech towards the end, I’m gon na go dedicate this to Clark the action, paralysis, man, action paralysis is something that happens in board games where you have so many different actions that you can take. You not entirely sure which action you should take, so you just kind of sit there like. Oh, I don’t know what to do. Clark. Is your gun, I’m going to play this tile here.

That’S weird! You actually get a car. Okay, I’m gon na. Do my dedication. Yep to Clark Kents and yes, a gate of mystery crew Ivan’s going to get super tokens.

I’M gon na dedicate this to one in done. Continuous continuity DC. This dedication goes to me because I’m going to win a trophy haha first thing: I’m gon na, do don’t you don’t the first thing I’m gon na do those death. I am going to dedicate this to Jon Snow’s, wolf ghost I just made. I made a terrible, terrible, terrible, stupid, stupid, stupid, terrible stupid play and now I’m not only gon na lose to Becca i’ma lose Becca and Ivan.

Well, I’m not Zack! Well, look at that. I can’t even get that seven is extremely important to me right now and I’m not gon na get it you’re, not gon na get it on this turn right. There is no one else is gon na get it my turn. What do you need?

You know? Don’T help no no screaming. I’Ve got one tile left and I could play this naive ins favor to give him the win. I think of him and I team up on this. One he’s got a chance and then Becca loses.

I have to deal with Becca every week and by teaming up with him I will then probably hear about it later, often always forever, and it will come back to me. So maybe I should just win on my own merits. What do I have to lay out there and you don’t even read, and it turns out that you bet yep nope, you can’t hurt anybody. You just got at that yeah. What are you?

What are you trading? What the Ivan I’m right? No one in this game is paying attention to me unless it’s, of course to make me lose. I could’ve helped you man, but you just done got as much as I appreciate what you do. I don’t ever want to win on the charity of others.

You know I just got to get comfortable now with where this is headed, so all right, cool, whatever Beck order lost. That was my only goal. Thanks for that man help. You know guys. This is super important, so I apologize if I take a little longer than normal, yeah tell you what don’t play up there when you should have played there, because you’ll super regret that when you lose by two points – and I mean Green’s guarantee – I know the two Dedications I’m gon na get so I know what my final score is and things look awesome.

It looks like I got it. Zack I’ve got one tile left. Is it gon na go right here, get myself a couple cards and I think Ivan it’s gon na have a sad, oh wait! No, you don’t have any favorite hokum, don’t have any favorite tokens for me honestly. I did so much strategy research for this game.

I have been practicing for months and I’m not even a competitor right now. Well, it’s my turn. I have nothing to exchange, so I’m gon na have to go for four of the kinds of the gold cards. Now you want. I want.

I want a time machine. So I cannot place that tile up. There really have one did. I count that right? 41 yeah?

Oh my god! Oh now, there’s a purple for me. Oh, I just had a warm feeling just rush. All my endorphins are just just just pumping through my system. Right now, okay, oh did I even just win.

I think he did God do you more than that. Stop it with your stupid, math, okay. I know my two dedications I’m gon na get for the next two turns and if my math is correct, I will have made it ahead of the others. First, I’m gon na spend my two favorite tokens yep to exchange this red into a gold. Okay, you know what I’m hearing is.

No, you can’t do that as well. Yeah, I’m just getting breaking news. Give me the card okay report from the sidelines. I will dedicate stupid. Haha the rail Oh drafted oxide to the rainbow drew.

No. I I dedicate it to all of the children, because that’s what someone does right before they win yeah dedicated to all the children. That was all right Ivan. I thank you for always. We’Ve been on this long journey together, but at the end has been.

I got ta cut you loose buddy too loose, I’m gon na zag last dedications, alright! Well, there you go made me feel good for a split second and then it’s alright. Okay, alright and I’m dedicating my final dedication to this lantern festival in the name of poppycock. I think that you were talking about when you just start talking and then words come out: yeah, okay, the first thing I’m going to do is exchange one of these blue, not because I need to just because I want to take at least one white card out Of the desk so that maybe you get a little nervous there, I’m gon na make me then I’m gon na make a dedication. This dedication is to lost causes.

You looked right at me. Will you looked right at me? I’M feeling a lot of heat from everybody at this table. There is absolutely no way I could possibly win, but I was gon na keep doing. I’M gon na keep doing what it’s proven to not work at all, because when of I ever felt consequences for that play.

Your final turn, sir. All right uh, I will cash in my my two favors and and what what color will you be trading it? I will be trading in a gray for the glow. Why? Yes, okay you’re dealing with me of my dramatic love?

Okay, there all right, um and then yes, I will make my final dedication. You only have six cards, everybody all right. You only have six cards and I stole myself out of the final turn, because I stashed in that gray card. I just watched the game. Actually, no, it turns out you did.

I should not be taking as much pleasure in this as I am because it was really a giant dick Lou trading in a gray for the gold. Why? Yes, okay, but I beat come on this – is quality entertainment, Internet you’re, welcome for all of whatever this is. That’S happening right now. I will make my final dedication.

You only have six cards, everybody. Can we just go back to some slow motion of Ivan, because I would like to experience that again, so you didn’t, I just took that the best part of this is that not only did I get Ivan, but I also got Becca. I didn’t think I was gon na get back up, but I got back in the game sneaky about that. This is how gullible I am that was rad, so go ahead, make your dedication, who would you like to make your dedication to to mr

Wil Wheaton sleight of hand master or Ivan the dumbest man at the table, all right so we’ll take and now – and I guess now we’ll go ahead and just math up the math, so Zack Zack. How many points do you have you think?

Yes, — that sixteen thirty 138, you have 38 Becca. How many points do you have 45? I have 30, I have 42, yes, [ __ ] place is the best place because first is the worst and second is the best. Whatever you got to tell yourself to. Please I will, how many do you have 21:30?

I have 44, so I won the game. How many points do you have 45? Well, I did that wrong. Guys. Surprise, look.

I did math wrong. I was talking about how i mouthed it so good and i totally did math it at all. So we’ve got 28 sets as if it’s four sevens and then 36 i one-pointed did not math it. I mapped it so bad that I lost by a point wow. I’M so mad at myself, right now, I’m so mad.

I didn’t count, but it turns out I’m amazing, okay, all right. Okay! This is a. This is a weird. This is a weird losers.

Couch, I’m not gon na lie it’s weird, because for a brief moment I thought – maybe I wouldn’t be here, but then I remembered it’s tables up, I have to say Ivan. I think we all thought you would not be here, including you. I have no one to blame, but myself, let me ask a question: have you maybe changed your tune on when you want to go ahead and uh exchange cards? You totally had the better strategy. Okay, stop.

We don’t need to say anything else I can leaving leaving leaving you a give a trophy. I had the better strategy. Thank you he’s still a loser, Becca, Scott! Congratulations! What you did you know.

I probably knew deep down within me that there was a winner there. So you didn’t know, like you didn’t know, until until Ivan was like oh [, __ ]. I have one point less than I thought I assumed that his maths worked yeah, but my Ness was better. It turns out that totally was, and that is why you Becca get the tabletop trophy of Awesome. Now this probably looks like the Gladstone Community League, women’s basketball, rebound champ trophy from the July 2011 tournament, but it’s not.

It is, in fact a custom-designed trophy prepared at great expense for you to have and to keep. So. If you would, please accept this from me Becca, and you may now make a victory speech if you so desire. Uh I’d like to thank my cat little bastard and everybody who has helped to make this day possible. Mostly me, everybody at home until we see you next time, be nice to each other and play more games.